Find my Seaweed Brain...

May 3rd

When I arrive at the Athena cabin Malcolm stands there waiting for me with his arms crossed and angry confusion evident on his face. It's clear he knows about... about the creature I can no longer ignore growing inside me. He stands just outside the cabin and stares at me not saying a word, so I try to walk straight past him.

"It's true isn't it." He says trying to hide his rage.

"No idea what you're talking about." I tell him with no emotion while sidestepping him and grabbing my biggest bag.

"No you don't get to just sidestep me and go sleep in Percys cabin. That's not fair."

"Life's not fair Malcolm get used to it before someone you love dies or worse because you lower your guard."

"Right, because you would have fought off a goddess wouldn't you. You're so self centred Annabeth you can't even see what you're doing to the people around you. We thought you were dead this weekend. Sally Jackson almost went into a coma, your precious boyfriends mum. What do you think Percy would think if he saw you right now huh? This isn't helping him it's just hurting everyone else, I can't keep pretending to be head councillor while you go and sulk in Cabin 3. You're supposed to lead us and you're not, we have two new kids you haven't even met, we keep losing Capture the Flag and getting all the chores and you haven't even noticed. You're so wrapped up in your mission to get your precious boyfriend back that everyone is losing everything. You're so fucking selfish."

I turn around and punched him in the jaw. My own brother and I attacked him. The entire cabin was staring mouths agape while blood dripped from his lip that had split.

"You have no fucking idea about what you're talking about Malcolm. You think I'm hurting you you don't understand pain. You don't understand what it's like having to love something you hate more than anything. You don't understand that if Percy dies I'm not the only one affected, because yeah maybe I'm hurting you but Percy is a much better person than me. I've been here for five years more than him and he's already touched so many more people than me and beyond that if Percy dies so does literally everyone. And I have to hate myself literally every minute of every day for being so selfish for multiple reasons so that everyone I know doesn't die. The amount of double negatives in my life right now you can't possibly understand Malcom. I'm 16, single handedly balancing something alone that most adults struggle though perpetually with all the help in the world, and you can say you're all here for me but you're fucking not. You're here to pity me sure, and to stop me from 'flying off the rails' but I deal with everything alone because no one can get over their own judgements. So don't you dare call me selfish when no one bothers to look at me as anything less than a widow of some sort of sick game our parents insist on using us as pawns."

I stuff some clothes into my bag and storm out of the room. I want to find out who told Malcolm and hurt them. I want to leave. Mostly I want to wrap myself in a pile of bedding and Percy's jumpers and sleep in a puddle of tears. The tears come first when I step into Cabin 3 to get the rest of my stuff and some clothes for Percy. I sink to my knees and wrap my arms over my belly... protectively? I still don't understand what I'm supposed to feel for it but I'm struggling to let that feeling be nothing. No I don't hold my belly protectively, it feels more as though I'm hugging Percy. Maybe that's how I should be looking at this whole situation. Percy left a little piece of himself with me, and he was still protecting me through it.

I stand up and wipe my tears, but I leave my bags in Cabin 3, I'd be back for them later. I walk towards the beach silently and struggle to sit comfortably in a pile of sand. Maybe if I let the sea carry me away it would take me to Percy the same way it saved the original Perseus' mother. Though Danaë did find herself and her baby in a situation almost as dire as the one she escaped. The sea, like Percy and his father, is famous for being unpredictable I couldn't guarantee I'd find myself better off than I am now.