Far from home|KTH

Storms

Panic build up inside of her. She felt nauseous and cold, unable to move.

"Please no", she plead , now reaching for his hand and pulling it closer to her.

Tae turned to face her, deep sadness streaming down his cheeks. He shook his head as he took her hands in his. This was the hardest thing he ever had to do.

"Emma... we suffered enough. If the answer it not clear to us, we should just take some time off from each other. Create some distance. I can't keep breaking my own heart like this every day. I love you, but it hurts too much to know that you can't be mine. It's killing me", he said, his voice breaking.

She was lost for words. What he said made sense but the pain it caused was overwhelming. It was like him asking her to live without air.

"I can't...Tae I can't. I feel like I'm going to die if I'm not with you", she continued.

"I know. I feel like that too, but I know that if I keep diving deeper into this with you, it's going to break me completely. Destroy me". He continued. "This is not easy to tell you. I can see how much pain I'm causing you, but do we have a choice different than this?".

Tears now streamed down her cheeks, a sniffle escaping her. She felt like she was running out of air, like she was suffocating. Her heart was beating out of her chest, raging with panic, her limbs losing all control. She needed to leave before she lost it.

She pulled her hands out of his grip, his eyes desperately following her. She opened the car door and got out. She turned her back to his tearful face, not being able to carry the weight of his pain, knowing she was the cause of it.

Tae got out of the car and hurried after her, making his way in front of her quickly, stopping her.

He grabbed her in his arms tightly.

"Emma. Please don't leave like this...I can't stand to see you cry like this", he said as he rocked her in his arms.

She let him hold her, let him comfort her. He was her salvation and her hell simultaneously, the only one who understood these complicated and conflicted emotions. The only one who could comfort her.

"What should we do?", she whispered into his shirt between her sniffles.

" I don't know love... I don't know. I really wish I did", he replied in a soft whisper.

She finally calmed down enough to find the confidence to meet his eyes. They still radiated defeat and desperations, sadness.

"See what I have done to you, how can you still love me?", she said sadly, stroking his cheek lovingly.

"Because there is no other option for me", he replied with a sad smile. "Please go inside to your friends. We will talk in a while again, just give me some time. Please".

She nodded, biting her lower lip hard to not break down in front of him.

She turned around and walked slowly towards the house, her legs barely carrying her. He watched her walk away, being painfully aware that this was what it felt like to let her go. It wasn't something he wanted to feel. But he needed to be realistic to save himself from the pain in the end.

Emma entered the house, loud chatter being heard from the living room. The others had arrived before her, the high Spirits from the get away still lingering.

They were all silenced by her appearance.

"Are you okay?", Namjoon asked already knowing the answer.

She shook her head and tears streamed down her face again as she fell to the floor covering her face with her hands.

They looked at each other in shock before they all rushed to her.

"Hey, it's going to be okay, what's wrong?", Namjoon said as he kneeled to hug her.

"Yeah I'm sure it will be okay", Suga added while Vanessa stroke her back slowly.

"Come, let's sit in the couches", Vanessa said and helped Emma up from the floor.

Her eyes were hollow, her reflection pale.

Namjoon wrapped her in a blanket and pulled her body closer to his, letting her lean her head on his chest.

"Do you want to talk about it?", he asked carefully.

"I just...I got myself into such a mess", she replied in her shaky voice.

"We know", he replied calmly. "But maybe it is a good mess. You love him right?".

"I do. That's the problem", she answered. "But I see how much he hurts because of me...he said he needed time to think about everything, that I should choose Jin if I'm not sure".

"He is hurt because he loves you. He wants nothing but to be with you but he knows he might lose you for good soon. Imagine how that feels for him. It's not easy for him", Namjoon replied.

She knew this. Maybe Tae was right, maybe some distance could provide the perspective she badly needed. She prayed it would, because cloning herself into two people wasn't an option although it would be convenient.