Far from home|KTH

Questions

This evening was offering a warm breeze , like most of them. It was ideal for the kind of living that wasn't common in Seoul: eating outside in the perfect sunsets that coloured the sky like a flawless painting in pink and orange.

This evening Namjoon and Emma could enjoy the house all to themselves for once. The rest of them had dinner outside.

They sat comfortably outside by the pool, content from the tasty meal they just shared, both of them with a can of beer in their hands, feet dipped in the pool.

Namjoon took another sip out of his can and admired the sky while Emma kicked her feet playfully in the water.

"Emma...can I ask you something?", he said hesitantly as a slight flash of discomfort passed through his gut.

She stopped kicking with her feet and looked at him surprised.

"Since when do you ask for permission to ask me something? You are my best friend, ask away...", she replied with a confused expression on her face.

They always shared everything with each other regardless of the nature of the content. He wanted to seem unbothered but this matter seemed just a little too sensitive to bring up.

"What is it? Tell me!", she urged, staring at him with annoyment this time, picking his arm.

"Don't be mad okey? I'm asking because I'm concerned and I care about you...", he shook his head and looked at her. "Okay,this Tae thing, where is it going?".

Emma's eyes widened and her face flushed in a red taint. She turned her head away from him, observing the pink sky.

"I know you better than you know yourself, and you know I wish you well, and you know how I feel about the whole Jin situation back home. BUT...Im afraid that you are showing Tae something he can't have and it's going to cause problems in the end", he continued, still watching her with his soft eyes.

Emma turned to him with a hint of anger in her wide eyes, her reaction was expected.

"How is that my problem huh? I'm just being myself over here in a way that I have not been myself in years. I realised that lately... I have suppressed myself for years, trying to fit into the perfect picture of Jin and I. How is that fair?", she said as her eyes watered, her emotions overflowing into tears. "Am I not allowed to be myself? To explore myself, to relax for once?".

She looked away as tears ran down her cheeks.

"I just want to be free to be myself, to find a version of myself that I actually like again, I realised I have been lost for years. He brings out that in me...the best in me...Tae", she continued with shaky words barely making it off the tip of her tongue.

Namjoon listened to her quietly, letting her pour her emotions out. She wasn't angry at him, he was just someone who brought this conversation to the surface, making her say those words out loud.

He reached his arm around her, pulling her to his chest to comfort her. He stroke her back slowly, until she calmed down.

"I know Emma, don't think that I don't. I see it too, we all do. I just know that this could become really complicated for you", he finally said. "You are allowed to explore yourself, and I personally love this Emma. She is bright and fun and at peace with herself, I can see that. It's only been a month here in LA, but I can see it already".

"Yoon, I'm not crossing any lines. They might seem a little blurred to you, but believe me, I'm not doing anything forbidden", she said as she wiped the tears on her cheeks with her t-shirt. "I think about Jin a lot. I think about our relationship and I'm trying to make sense of what I want in the future. Being apart is something we did'n know that we needed, but I can see things more clearly with the distance. He is a great guy, he has been my rock, I love him but I'm not in love with him anymore....It hurts to say that out loud".