I Notice (Niall Horan) (FINISHED!)

Ch. 15: My shitty mom and my wonderful mom

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          A few hours later I was woken by my phone ringing. I was not in the mood to talk to anyone but still, I got up and looked to see who was calling. To my surprise it was Emily’s mom; I answered it.

“Hey Mrs. Hersh,”
“Hi Suzan. Emily told me what happened, I thought maybe you would like to talk about it? I’m up in the area and I can stop by if that sounds good,”
My heart swelled and I got a lump in my throat. Emily’s mom had only known me for two years but she treated me like I was her own daughter. She acted more like a mother to me than my own.
“That would be nice,” I said trying to swallow my lump
“Okay sweetie, I’ll be there in five minutes,”

          We hung up and I tried to put some clothes away to make the room seem a little more clean. When there was a knock on my door I opened it to find the overly tanned woman who I loved more than my own mom. She hugged me and came to sit on Emily’s bed.
“How did you get past security?” I asked curiously
“It wasn’t too hard. I didn’t look like paparazzi or an angry teenage girl. Besides, the crowd has died down I’m assuming. It wasn’t as bad as what Emily described seeing on her way out,”
“Did she tell you to come see me?” I asked
“No honey, it was all me. Now, tell me what is going on,” she said getting comfortable and patting down next to her, telling me to sit down. I did so and said,
“I just don’t know how to process anything right now, my mind is so jumbled. So much is going on and it’s like overload for my brain!”

“Start from the beginning,” she offered

          “Well it all started when I got in the car accident with Niall I guess. He wanted to keep talking to me, even after he didn’t have to anymore. It was weird, I didn’t understand why he would want to. I mean me of all people! There are far better girls out there. Anyway, Louis was making a big deal about how it was fate that we met and junk like that. But Niall believed him and he decided to spend his two week break trying to convince me too. He and Harry stayed here – as you know.
Well…he was getting to me. He got through to me, Niall actually broke down the walls I put up and made me feel like I was worth his time. It was nice. But I was still hesitant, you know? I mean even though I felt fine around him and the other boys, I wasn’t ready to be a public face just because I knew them. We were going to talk about it…but stuff happened and we hadn’t gotten around to it.
Calvin loves me. Did you know that? He hid it pretty well. That’s why I was with him that night the picture was taken. I wanted to talk to him about it and tell him it didn’t have to change our friendship. It did though. He doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. He just wants to forget about me because I don’t feel the same way. Because I…I like Niall…But the press made this whole story up! And my mom got mad at me because I didn’t tell her and it made her look bad, and my boss wants to meet Niall so he can have a gateway in the music industry.
Earlier I told Niall it was a mistake. I told him we shouldn’t have gone this far. I shouldn’t have let him in. None of this would have happened if I just straight up told him to leave me alone at the beginning…”

          I looked at her after finishing and she pulled me in for another hug.
“But a part of you didn’t want him to leave you alone, did it?” she asked
“No. A small part of me really wanted him to work like he did to get to me,”

She looked in my eyes and smiled.
“Suzy, I don’t know if you know this, but you have a lot going on and you aren’t very good at prioritizing,”
“Yeah, I know,” I said laughing a little.

“List it out,” she said, “Your mom, forget about her. I know it sounds bad, but honestly neither of you are each other’s top priorities, so don’t even worry about her. Calvin will take time to heal. Honestly, it is probably a good thing he doesn’t want to be around you right now because it would just add more fuel to the fire for the press. I know it is painful to lose a best friend, but maybe after he has some time to clear his head and think, and this whole thing blows over, he will change his mind.
As for letting Niall in being a mistake, it wasn’t, honey – don’t ever think that. Ever. Niall is a good boy. He broke down those walls and he didn’t have to. That means you mean something to him. You might never know why, but it doesn’t really matter. If he makes you happy and you make him happy, then that’s what counts. Does he make you happy?”

I nodded my head yes.

“Do you feel safe with him?”

I thought back to being wrapped in his arms, and looking in his eyes and being calmed down just like I did with sunsets.

I nodded my head again.

“Do you make him happy?”

I thought about how he looked at me with a smile always in his eyes, and all the little things he noticed. How Zayn said he was happier when he was around me or even when he talked about me.

“I think I do,” I replied feeling weird that I could have that affect on someone. It was like she could read my mind because Mrs. Hersh said,
“It’s okay to have an impact on someone’s life, Suzan. It’s okay to make some ripples in the pond. I know you haven’t had a whole lot of meaningful people in your life, but it’s okay to affect them. You don’t always have to be in the background. To some people you are important enough to be in the foreground,”

          No one has ever said that to me before. I couldn’t contain it anymore, the lump in my throat got too big and I started crying. She pulled me in and held me.
“Mrs. Hersh,” I said sobbing, but she cut me off,
“Hon, I’ve told you before, you can call me Mary,”
That just made me cry more.
Eventually I calmed down and I said, “Thank you Mary,”

“I hope I helped a little,” she said with a smile
“A lot,” I replied back, and added, “What about the paparazzi though?”

“Well,” she said thoughtfully, “I can’t say I can give you any advice from first-hand experience about that. But the best I can say is to not let them get to you. I know it is easier said than done. Will you ever meet any of those over-obsessed fans though?”

“I’m sure they would find me,” I said nervously, “Some already have,” I thought back to the ones outside.
“Are they the ones who decide your grades in class, or the hours you get at work? Are they the ones who decide to higher you after you graduate?”
“No…”
“Are they making your life better by putting themselves in it?”
“No…”
“Do they mean anything to you whatsoever?”
“No…”
“Then why are you basing your relationship with Niall off what they have to say?”
“I…I…Because…if Niall saw the things they wrote…what if he started agreeing with them?”
“Look deep in your heart and ask yourself if that is really what you think he would do,”
I thought, I pushed aside my fear and I honed in on what my gut was saying.
“No. No, maybe he wouldn’t do that…”
“So maybe you guys should have a little chat,” Mary suggested
“Not today. Even though you helped me look at things from a more rational point of view, it still takes time to make that my main mindset. I’ve looked at things from such a negative angle for so long it is hard to change it just like that,”
“I understand. How about I go out, get us some dinner and we can just forget about the world for a little bit,”
“Dinner? What time is it?” I asked looking at my phone. Wow, 5:30 already, I must have slept longer than I thought.

          Marry left to go to Starbucks and get us some coffee and Panini’s. We spent some time just talking about things and laughing and for the first time I felt like someone’s daughter. It was a nice feeling.