To All The Boys You've Loved Before 💌 Enhypen x Reader [ On-Hold ]

💌 D̶e̶a̶r̶ M̶y̶ Y̶/N̶... 💌

D̶e̶a̶r̶ m̶y̶ Y̶/N̶,..

I'm sorry, It shouldn't be written that way. Let's write it again.

Dear Kim Y/N,

Or to that girl who's smile I lost my heart for.

It's been ages since I have had a glimpse of your smile and you know, it has been what? Two years and a half and I still haven't forgotten about you. Not even once. I thought I could get over you now that you're far away, but I guess I held on.

I chose to wait for you even though I know deep inside, what I'm doing only makes me more of an idiot. I chose to remember all the times you've given me motivation, and instead of forgetting about them, they became my reason to continue chasing you.

I keep thinking "What if she actually did like me?" "Should I just give up?" "Why can't I give up on you?" "Am I stupid enough to accept the truth and still fight?" "Was there never a chance?"

So many questions, but not once have I received an answer. I want answers because maybe they would help me move on. But I can't ask. I can't know. Because I'm afraid that I'd get hurt more than I already am.

I'm scared that I'd still choose you despite everything.

I'm scared of what would happen next after finding out the truth. I'm not even sure if I would actually be happy that I would finally be able to let go.

As much as I would like to blame you and your mixed signals, I can't. Because it's not your fault right? It's all my fault. It was always my fault, am I right? Wrong.

If only you told me the truth from the beginning, I wouldn't have gotten close. I would have been able to stop myself from falling for you even more. I would have been able to prevent the heartache and awkwardness that came after finding out the truth.

I would have not cried myself to sleep. I would not have bothered you and tried my best to convey my feelings. But, I admit, I am also to blame for a lot of things. I know that there was no chance, still, I gave every ounce of effort that I can offer.

I wrote letters even though I shouldn't have. I admitted my feelings despite the fact that they would probably just be neglected, ignored, or even thrown away. I allowed myself to know you more.

And in the end, look where that got me.

We’re both at fault. But, why do feel like I'm the only who made a mistake? Why is it that every time I talk to you in the past, I feel like I'm annoying you? Why is that every time I try to get close, you walk farther away from me? Why is that every time I make an effort, I feel like the distance between us is just growing? Am I supposed to feel this way?

Is this a punishment for scaring you and some of the guys around you like Heeseung? If it were, then I guess I deserve it. Despite that, it still hurts.

It hurts to move on, and then realize that I can't.. It hurts to keep going forward, then suddenly get pulled back. It hurts to see you happy even though I know that you should be. It hurts to know that you nearly died and I can't even do anything about it.