If only

Authors Note

hi my loves! i know this is a late authors note, I just wanna say a few things.

This book has been a huge positive impact into furthering my future. I didn't know this book would come so far, not knowing five months ago I would get forty thousand fucking reads. That's fucking crazy. I couldn't be more thankful to those who sticked to the end, you guys mean so much to me. I wanna say a few thank you's.

I wanna say thank you to lAlejandraaal she also has a book called soulmate out! I definitely, recommend although I haven't been able to read it yet unfortunately. She encouraged me to make, this along with @acextearss on Instagram! She helped me with the cover, she is so unbelievably talented. She also encouraged me, and helped me write this book.

And then a huge thank you to Remy. My love, she was a huge supporter and encouraged me. She was my star, while writing this book. Being her friend, is such a blessing. She helps me, she read my book, she's been here since the beginning and stuck with me.

So thank you Remy, for everything and more. Im sorry, that we've grown apart I didn't mean for us too. Just know, I'll always be here and love you. So huge dedication to those three.

But also many more people, so to those who have been here with me and sticked with me. Thank you, I couldn't be much more grateful to have you all as readers. Even if you didn't like the book, and you didn't continue reading it. I completely understand, still thank you for even giving my book a chance. We've had some ups and downs, with this book.

I couldn't be more grateful, to it finally coming to an end. An end of an era.

Each character, it's a bit of me. It's inspired by me. So this book means so fucking much to me. Although, terrible misspellings along with my grammar mistakes. But, besides this point it's grown on me.

This book means so fucking much to me.

I'm gonna say, why I made the characters the way they are.

Blaise - he didn't have much of a dark past, show now did he? He did though. He just never showed or told anyone. I never showed his back story that much, because it related to me. I never tell my feelings, I keep everything inside.

Davina - she's mean, more possessive then Blaise is. I'm more possessive and jealous then anyone I fucking know. She cusses all the time, I can never stop cussing it's like a habit of mine. Her mom, left and she had a fake mother correct? I did that because, it's similar to my situation. Her mother left to keep her daughter safe, mine left for drugs. I don't have either parents, but remember her story is just a fantasy.

Alejandro - probably my favorite character. I say this because, his backstory is shown. Both parents, not with him you know his backstory. That's basically mine. I know, depressing.

Adrielle - the bi polar loved one. I related to this one so much. Having a bi polar relative, is extremely difficult. It's like one moment there happy, then the next moment they can yell and be angry. It's hard, extremely challenging. It'll fuck with your mental well being along with your head. Remember the chapter, where she came to Davinas crying because she couldn't handle it? Yeah, it gets to be like that. You look for any excuse to leave your toxic household. You may not get hit physically, but mentally is ten times worse in my experience.

Ella - my beloved. She was then happiness in this book. She made any moment bright, with her laugh her smile. Just generally, she was a good friend. She was always there, supportive.
She was someone I never had, so I wrote her I got caught up in the fantasy of having someone like her. I made her die, because slowly I needed to realize it was just a book.

I didn't write this book for anyone, I wrote it for myself. Because, I was inspired by so many people including the author of Ace. She definitely, started my obsession of reading and writing. She made it come alive again. Because, before writing this before getting wattpad I didn't like writing nor reading. I used to love it when I was little. Then, reading more and more this year encouraged me to get back into it. So that is why I wrote if only.

I named it if only because, there's a meaning behind it. It's the possibilities that could've came with it but instead didn't because it's all a fantasy unfortunately. Reading is my escape from everything.

But again my loves, this is just the beginning of an end. I will make more stories in the future, maybe soon or maybe later. Who knows?

Like always sweethearts, thank you for the major support and love you all showed me this journey. Correct my misspellings and grammar mistakes, in my previous chapters if you don't mind. I'd appreciate it, it'd help me figure out my wrongs. Like always, stay safe and healthy my loves!

- Savannah Díaz