CRUSHED

xxiii - toxic

"Scotty it'll be fine. Just apologise and say what you need to say. And remember if he can't forgive you yet that is okay too." Scott nods along to Nevaeh's words as he pulls into Alec's driveway.

"And! Please let him talk. Call me after, okay?" Scott smiles at the urgency in his best friend's voice. "Okay, okay, I will. Love you." "Love you, bye." Scott can hear Nevaeh's smile through the phone. He presses the end button on his wheel and takes a deep breath. You can do this. You have to do this.

He grabs his phone and keys, locking the door of his white BMW behind him. 

He had texted Alec beforehand to talk but he is still a bundle of nerves as he walks up to the front door he stormed out of two weeks ago.

After knocking, because he doesn't think they're in a good enough place for him to just walk in, he's greeted by Alec and his dishevelled brown curls.

"Hey." "Hey," Alec murmurs as he lets him in.

They stand in the kitchen as Alec gets a glass of water. Scott leans against the breakfast bar silently for a moment, gathering his thoughts.

"I'm sorry." Alec continues to fill his glass up silently. "I'm sorry about everything I said. I love you so much it makes me mad. You don't need to forgive me or anything. I just want you to know that I know shouldn't have taken my anger out on you like that." Ale finally turns to look at Scott.

"I'm sorry if it felt like I've been guilt tripping you. I'm sorry for pressuring you into coming out. You don't deserve that. No one does." Scott nods. "I don't blame you, I was just frustrated. Just because I wasn't done hiding doesn't mean you had to too." Alec raises an eyebrow. "Was?"

"I'm going to tell my parents tonight. I need this weight lifted." Alec eyes widen. "Are you sure? Don't do anything you're not ready for Jae." Scott smiles, shaking his head. "It's fine. It's now or never. I need to do it. I feel like I'm walking on fucking eggshells."

"Okay. Do you need me there?" Scott chuckles, shaking his head again. "I can do it. They might go into cardiac arrest if they find out I'm bi and have been fucking one of my best friends." Alec laughs quietly. He looks back up at Scott from where he was picking at the hem of his crewneck.

"Are we done? Have I ruined everything?" Alec sucks in a breath at Scott's words. "Scott," he sighs. "We can't be together right now. Not after everything. You say horrible shit when you're mad. I can't do it anymore." Scott aggressively pulls at his dyed hair.

"Alec-" "No, I'm serious Scott. We need space. A lot of it." 

"So what? You wouldn't care if I was to go get with someone else? Go on the rebound at the next motive?" Alec rolls his eyes. "God, it's stuff like this. I'm trying to be mature about this but you always have to take the toxic route." "Toxic? I'm asking a fucking question. You're breaking up with me over a fucking argument!" "Fuck off Scott. Take a breather and think about your next words."

"Stop talking to me like that! You're so suffocating. You're not my fucking therapist!" Scott throws his hands up in aggravation.

"I'm suffocating?!" Alec raises his voice back. "I'm not breaking up with over one fucking argument. We can't have one fucking conversation anymore without you making yourself the victim. Cry me a fucking river, it's exhausting!" Scott gapes at Alec. "You're impulsive and temperamental and don't take responsibility for ANYTHING! I'm always left to pick up the pieces. I can't do it anymore." "You make it sound like I'm proud of my instability. I'm fucking TRYING Alec!"

"Well not hard enough. You can't blame everything on your chemical fucking imbalance Scott! Being self destructive is not trying." Scott is quiet.

The room is silent for a few moments bar the sound of the clock ticking.

"What are we doing right now Alec?" The latter sighs again. "We need space. I told you. It's not healthy."

"Okay."

-

3/4/22

i love writing arguments between these two soz

this is also really short so more apologies

i've quit my job again and feel like i can finally breathe. it's half term too. life's great