Remain Nameless | Bts x reader

The need to control

No matter how many gulps of air she took, something was stopping her from breathing under their stare. She had never felt like this before, sure they didn't always feel the same about everything, but she would normally have someone on her side.

"Look, I get that it's something you really want to do, but you got to understand that we know nothing about this island. If it's not there and we end up somewhere dangerous, what then. Give it a year. I'll try and look into it the best I can, and then we can see." Namjoon said, she could see on his face that he didn't enjoy ripping her dreams apart, but it was something that had to be done.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not going to risk waiting a whole year. What if I flip out like yesterday and hurt any of you again or worse." There was a slight waver to her voice. "I'll go by myself if I have to,"

"No chance," Yoongi said. "You seem to have a great skill. When you run off anywhere, a lot of bad shit happens. " He took a deep breath to gather his thoughts. "If you're worried about the strange thing you do, it's fine. We can sort it out here where it's safe to do so."

She wasn't sure how she was supposed to react to that. (y/n) had never thought about that before, but it was true every time she left, something bad would happen. First, she left home and was almost violated by bandits. Then, when she went back home, she almost killed Hoseok. Then the monastery happened. She went to Doveport, and Shiro was murdered. It was a repeating theme she hadn't picked up, yet Yoongi had. But what hurt more was no one seemed to pick up on what he said. They all seemed as if it was the most well-known fact in the world.

Then perhaps they all thought of her as a burden. Maybe she did get in too much trouble. Though no of it was her fault, and though she never brought it up, the bad shit had hurt her a lot.

(y/n) tried to catch eyes with someone, anyone. They all had ears, so they must have hurt what He had said. She watched as Yoongi registered what he had said and realised that he struck a chord. He began to speak, but she didn't let him start.

"Don't bother" (Y/n) gritted out before standing up rather aggressively, book in hand. She let her feet take her back to the hut. Though she paused for a moment, her back turned to them, begging at least one of the boys would say something. But no one did, so she left.

(y/n) slammed the door to the hut open and stormed to her room. She scrambled among her bedding until finding out the letter. She was going to the island. If they thought she caused so much trouble, then they wouldn't have to deal with it anymore.

She couldn't tell what was swelling up inside her head, but she felt angry and sad and as if the people she was willing to go to the furthest point of the earth to had riped out her heart. She would have gone if they had asked, why wouldn't they do the same? (y/n) knew she was overthinking all her thinking, but how could she not. They had but put the thoughts in her head. She had already overdreamed every dream she had of them. She didn't know what to do. (y/n) felt all too much for them, and now what. What did it come to if they meant so much to her, but it wasn't reciprocated?

Still, it hurts so much just knowing that her love might never be enough.

And she did love them. They were her family.

She couldn't make sense of the numbers of when or how it happened, but it did. And maybe now, in her flurry of emotion, she realised it, but it just made the hurt all the more vibrant. And then what yoongi said, even if she knew it was most likely him wrongly wording his sentence, it still felt awful.

It felt worse knowing there was some truth to it.

At long last, (y/n) opened the letter - it had so many crease lines, all of them after being folded for so long. The paper was smooth to the touch. The black ink had run but only slightly. (y/n)'s eyes caressed the strokes of the pen made by her father figure, from the strong lines to heavy punctuation marks.

'I won't lie to you and tell you life will be better for doing the right thing, but you will be a better person. I trust you to do what you believe is the best.

Shiro.'

Hot tears began to run down her cheek.

Underneath was a small set of directions to a small harbour in the Second Kingdom. If what she had read from Doseoks book was true, it would be partially impossible to sneak into the kingdom even as a nightblade. She would need documents and a fake identity, which would only get her past the border.

The golden crest on her book glinted through the sheen of tears. What if Akira was the way in. She could get to him. Doeksu had some kind of deal with him, so why couldn't she try and get a one. The plan started to form in her head.

(y/n) Walked over to the medical box and started to look through the content. The smells of the different medicines greeted her nose. (y/n) picked through each bottle until she found the one she was looking for. It was a small glass jar filled with a white crystalline powder, like sugar. The substance was made of several different types of tranquillising herbs and chemicals. It could knock anyone out, given the right dosage. She snuck the little bottle into her pocket to use later and moved on to Namjoons maps. She felt guilty, but she had to leave somehow, even if it hurt so much.

~~~~

Lord Akira sat at his desk, surrounded by stakes of paper he was convinced had no end. Running the Third kingdom was harder than you would think even with the help from chiefs, there was still a lot to do.

Ever since Lord  Bonhwa had banished the Third kingdom's soldiers out of the Second Kingdom, the piles of paper had only seemed to grow. Bonhwa had been troubling his mind for a long while now. Ever since he had become the ruler of the Second Kingdom, strange things had started happening.

Strange and unruly.

Like a small village by the border had been burnt to a crisp. No survivors were left, and nothing was left telling what happened. It was a mystery, but he had his suspicions. It had scared his people, and it scared him. He had commissioned extra guards around the area, but it still didn't settle his nerves.

He flipped through more of the papers. Some were about trade and the economy, others about his armies and food supplies. His kingdom was healthy, and he was greatly loved for providing this. Many people had praised him from a young age for his thinking and how he ran the kingdom.

But with the Seconds Kingdom's troops movement and secrecy. It was clear they were preparing for war. Akira wasn't sure if his kingdom would stay healthy for much longer. With help from his advisers, they had guessed it would be a couple of cycles until the war would happen.

He had recently sent out his righthand man to find more information on the situation, but he hadn't returned for quite a long time now. The man was capable, yet it was worrying.He had hired the man on quiet illegal terms. If he was found to have the man in his employment, he would have to face severe consequences. It had been against the law to employ nightblades for a very long time. However, the man came to him first and struck him a deal he couldn't refuse.

He had become quite close to the warrior over the past twenty cycles and now saw him as an old friend rather than a worker. He would help Akira with anything and everything, within reason.

When Doeksu introduced himself, it was a shock to the system. He didn't realise some nightblades still lived. Only, there were more pressing matters than the missing man, for example, war and paperwork.

(Hello, hope your all way and thank you for reading, today's my birthday so I feel old. 🎂)