Darkness Visible ➳ TVD ✔️

🤧🪁||45|| ''I may not have to, but I want to.''

🥺 45 🥺

~~~~~~~~~~

I had trouble remembering everything that happened next. All I knew was that, when I eventually got some sense of self back; I wasn't in the cemetery anymore, but sitting on a bed in an unfamiliar room.

My eyes swept the place tiredly. Light wallpaper, dark flooring. Inconspicuous. Then I saw Elijah, sitting in a chair against the wall and looking at me.

''Where are we?'' I asked, the memory loss scaring me a little. My mind was foggy, only bits and pieces were clear. I knew Elijah. And I knew that I was probably going to remember every part of what had happened, whether I wanted to or not.

''I couldn't take you to the hotel,'' Elijah replied.

The hotel. Lafayette. The image of a parking lot entered my mind. It turned into another parking lot, and a big open field with grey specks all over-

I pressed my arms closer to my body, stiffening more and more with every piece of memory slowly returning to me. With every ounce of pain settling in me. ''This is yours?'' I asked, trying to push it away but feeling close to breaking apart again.

''In a manner of speaking.'' Elijah leaned forward on his elbows. ''You don't remember?''

''Trauma will do that to you,'' I mumbled, heart stinging when I remembered why I even knew that in the first place. My eyes drifted away from him to a crease in the wallpaper.

''Will you be alright if I go get some food?''

''Sure,'' I mumbled.

He was probably looking at me, but I couldn't really tell. I stared into the wall until I heard the faint whooshing sound indicating he had gone. Then I crawled onto the bed and laid down. I hugged my knees close to my body, curling up into a ball. Everything felt numb, and, still, everything hurt. It made no sense. Nothing made sense.

~~~~~~~~~~

I could hear him when he came back. Not even he could open a creaky door silently. Then I heard his voice. ''You should eat something.''

''Sure,'' I replied quietly, not intending to at all. I was ready to lie here forever – and it felt like I already had. Picturing the outside world seemed impossible. Lafayette. Mystic Falls. There was no Mystic Falls without my mother. There was no home without her.

Hardly moving, hardly breathing – feeling like nothing mattered – I made no move to touch whatever food Elijah had brought for me. What was the point in eating if I was already dead? Because that was what it felt like. She died, and I died with her. I didn't exist anymore. It felt like I didn't exist.

''I too know what it feels to lose someone,'' Elijah's voice sounded from somewhere in the room. ''And I know it seems of little importance right now, but it does get easier.''

Easier? He thought I wanted it to get easier? I was floating in nothingness, in a strange paralysing pain, and I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay there, wherever there was. There was nothing else. Nothing.

His soft steps came closer, almost matching the beat of my heart, and then a tray with something on it was set down on the nightstand in the corner of my eye. He lingered before me briefly, and then he disappeared. When the door creaked, I knew he was leaving, and I knew he had heard me crying.

It must have been hours since I last ate, but my stomach wouldn't even growl in protest. I could stare at the food now gone cold next to me without gaining the slightest bit of appetite.