Loyal • Muse | NamMin || BOOK 2#

XXI. The first touch allowed

Namjoon doesn't know how to explain. His mind disturbs something that could be normal: the repulsive idea of Jimin walking away. That he will be able to find a real way out, but it will be at the cost of leaving Hanyang, away from him. Doubtful that he is as good as he seems even if he has good track record of this man. Because no one would be able to love Jimin for all he is, or even know him in his fullness as he does. The attitude he has sends a chill down one's spine.

It's similar to all those gibus who wanted to take over the kisaengs they kept and fixed. The same hoarder behavior that even Hosung exhibited at the time. Until the last moment he had was what he defended: Jimin as his kisaengs. The one he created, thanks to the one who exists and the one who discovered him. Namjoon purses his lips and clenches his fists, frustrated and in turmoil at his selfish vision.

You are still human, for worse, a human in love. It's natural for you to be displeased and uncertain at the thought of the one you love so dearly leaving for an uncertain future.

Ji doesn't help you to be calm. It's like a reinforcement and excuse for behavior you find undesirable. The dragon of so many years crosses his paws where he is lying down.

Not to mention that it's totally natural for you to want him to stay with you and refuse anyone else who offers their hand. It's part of the feelings that all living things capable of showing affection and longing have.

Namjoon looks at him with annoyance. He wants him to shut up. Not that bunch of lame excuses. Even though he tries to think of something else. Whatever, he keeps falling back to the same point and it's worse when as he transits through the corridors leading to the bathroom, he finds Jimin cleaning himself in a tub with Soo frolicking around. Namjoon reddens and hurries to leave, not wanting to over look him or do it to begin with. Not with this mental and sentimental jumble sulking in her head.

. . .

"Do you intend to accept the lord's offer?"

"I haven't thought about it yet."

Namjoon bites his lips, disguised as they are eating. Jimin eats too much soup. He think Jimin does it more for Soo than for himself. It gets to be hopeless that he's so calm and Namjoon feels like he's drowning in a glass of water.

"No matter if they bring an army, I don't want you to go out again or go to kisaengs house." Namjoon warns and Jimin nods.

"As you say, my lord."

"Did you open the emperor's gift?"

"Yes. He is making the jade he never made."

"He should have been instructed long ago about it, even in that the previous emperor failed."

"He was busy teaching other things." comments Jimin jocularly.

Dinner ends, the kisaeng gets up first and leaves with his dragon coiled around his shoulders like a playful little snake. Namjoon takes a deep breath before bringing his hands to his face. Ji rolls his eyes.

If you want to do something do it, this mental debate you're having is useless. Not to say you never know what might happen if you take a risk.

"Taking a risk, according to you, is behaving like all the ordinary and vulgar men who have caused me so much displeasure for almost all the years of my life." chides Namjoon in disgust. Ji exhales in exhaustion.

It's not my problem what you believe or disbelieve. The reality is the same: you desire that kisaeng so strongly that it clouds your judgment and one request does not cause anyone's death.