prom date | wroetoshaw

Hate Is A Strong Word

UHHHH I am so so so sorry for this chapter...but it is very vital for the plot teehee

The knock I'd been waiting for all afternoon finally came, and I welcomed Harry into my apartment, enjoying the smell that was coming from the bag he had in his hands.

He gave it to me whilst he took his coat and shoes off, and I started unwrapping everything, putting it onto two plates for us both.

So, I have news," I begin to tell him, hearing his footsteps walking over to me, standing the other side of the island, washing his hands.

"What is it?" He asks, and I hadn't felt nervous until this very moment.

"Alright, so, basically, Josh texted me and asked if I could be in something you guys are filming - and before you throw a complete tantrum, he only wants me to sit in the audience for it. I'll barely even be on film. Just filling a seat, I reckon," I tell him, and his expression changes from one full of curiosity, to looking like he could strangle someone.

"What did you say back?" He asks, and I now know that he is not going to like the answer.

"I said yes, Harry. I said yes because I need to get out of this apartment for a bit. I'm either here, or at your place, and don't get me wrong, I like spending time with you, regardless of what we're doing, but I loved meeting your friends! Your whole group is so cool, and -"

"I get that, Lily. I promise I do. But you just don't understand - I've been trying so hard to keep you out of everything since Warwick, and -"

"Hang on, slow down. What?" I ask, stopping what I was doing and eyeing him up. "What do you mean keeping me out of everything? Stop it with the secrecy."

"Since the ambush in the book shop, people have seen you, see me - seen us, more importantly. This isn't a game, Lil. Some of these fans are obsessive. Management have been trying to shut down every rumour everywhere. You being in a video will just -"

"- start up the rumours again. Right," I say, nodding my head and understanding. I guess he'd been right. I had underestimated once again how bigtime he really was, and all this time he was protecting me yet again. Even though he wasn't obliged to.

"I'm not trying to be controlling at all, Lil. But you'd hate the spotlight, so I'm just worried -"

"I know. And I appreciate it, I do. But minds can change, and maybe I've decided that it's a risk worth taking. Just because we were in a cafe together doesn't mean that people know what's going on. Would it be embarrassing if people found out we were having sex? Yeah, probably. But that's all it is, Harry. Worst case scenario, it would blow over."

"Are you trying to convince me, or yourself?" He asks gently, and I stare into his eyes, watching his soften as they met my own.

"I'm going to the shoot, Harry. I'm an adult, and I can make my own decisions. I'm sorry if you don't like that," I say, forgetting about the food and sulking off to the sofa, where I kicked off my slippers and huddled up into a blanket. He didn't follow after me immediately, and so I guessed that we were fighting.

"Harry, there's no point you being here if we're just going to -"

I was interrupted by my own shock when he came over with two plates and the food.

"Just eat the food and complain afterwards, please?" He asks, and I shut up.

I watch as he dishes the food out, taking my plate when he's done.

He's wise to know I'm annoyed, and sits on the chair next to my sofa instead of trying to fit in next to me.

We eat in silence for a few moments, and he's the one to break the silence.

"I'm not upset you're coming tomorrow, Lils. I was just taken by surprise, and I'm sorry if it came off wrong. I didn't mean to guilt trip you by telling you about management and everything, usually I keep those sort of things to myself -"

"What, like also secretly sending my Nan money for the last four years?" I ask, watching his face drop when my words had come out. I had no idea what had caused me to bring it up, and it wasn't usually like me to be so confrontational, but tonight I didn't even feel like myself.

"Lily, I -"

"What? Nan told me just before she passed away. I don't get why you didn't tell me. We barely even fucking spoke in those four years!"

"I know!" He shouted, standing up  and putting his plate on the table. He was pointing angrily now, and it seemed like I'd apparently hit a nerve. Yet, I still wasn't done. "Do you not know how crushing it was not being able to contact you properly for four fucking years, Lily? Your Nan was practically the only one telling me how you were getting on! And I missed you, so fucking much! But I felt like an inconvenience every damn time I tried messaging you -"

"Oh, so now it's my fault? I didn't accommodate your feelings? I am so very fucking sorry!"

"Lily - stop being so fucking stubborn! Why are you so angry at me? Why are you yelling at me?" He asks, exasperated. Something is going to come to head soon, and this is going to explode, and the both of us can already feel it.

"Because I am finally healing from my Nan and I still don't want to date you!" I scream, a lump forming in my throat as soon as the words leave my mouth. Tears are building in my eyes, a single blink enough to make an army of them fall down my face.

"Right." He says quietly, looking down at the floor. "I don't know if they are your words, or the inexplicable rage that is for some reason taking over you today. I'm going to leave, and tomorrow you're going to tell me if you feel the same, okay?"

"I don't want to date you. I don't like you, nor could I ever love you, or even see myself loving you. Get out of my apartment," I cry, my voice still raised, glaring at him.

"Lily, please just calm down a little before I go so I know you're alright -" he tries to add in, but at the top of my voice, I'm still screaming at him to get out. It won't be long until I'm loud enough for my neighbours to notice, and I think he realises this, accepting defeat, gathering his stuff and leaving soon after.

I slump down onto the sofa, reaching out for the bottle of wine that lives on my table, unscrewing the lid and drinking it straight. I call the first person I can think of, begging them to come round to mine.

Even full of stress, anger and a little alcohol, I'm still not stupid enough to know that I need someone with me tonight. They answer straight away, telling me they'll be straight over after hearing my cries.

I did want to date him. I did like him. Maybe I'd even go as far to say I loved him. But Will had broken me down so much that it was destroying every part of me even just thinking about dating someone again. Even if it was Harry, the boy who'd been by my side for so long. He'd held my hand as I'd sobbed over my Mum. He'd accompanied me to my first concert even though he hated the band. He'd bought me my first alcoholic drink when I'd turned eighteen - discounting all the drinks I'd bought with a fake ID, mind.

Hating him was so much easier than loving him.