What the Heart Wants (Sirius Black Love Story)

Chapter 20

Christmas morning came and went, and Sadie had yet to hear back from Gideon. There was a solemn air about the Potter household, though they all did their best to keep up with their normal Christmas traditions. Sadie reluctantly joined in the festivities, giving forced smiles and laughs at all the right moments, but she found herself glancing anxiously at the clock every few moments, wondering if Gideon had even gotten her letter. It wasn't until that evening, as the family was all seated around the fireplace drinking hot cocoa, that she finally got an answer.

The flames in the fireplace suddenly glowed green, and the very object of Sadie's anxiety stepped into the room. Sadie was on her feet in an instant, setting her mug on the end table and striding forward. Gideon looked exhausted. His face was pale save for the dark circles under his eyes, which were red and swollen. Sadie wrapped her arms around him tightly, and he returned her embrace without hesitation, burying his face in her neck. She heard her father clear his throat meaningfully before there was a quiet rustle as everyone else left the room. Sadie and Gideon stood there silently for a few more moments before she gently guided him to sit down on the couch with her. He continued to cling to her tightly, and she gently ran her fingers through his hair. Several minutes passed like this before he spoke, his voice scratchy and hollow.

"Arthur says they've been trying to recruit her for ages. Thought it'd be useful to have someone in the Department of Transportation. I guess they finally realized it was a lost cause. As though she'd ever have anything to do with them." There was the barest hint of pride in his voice at that last statement. Then, his voice hardened, shaking with barely suppressed rage. "Bellatrix Lestrange is going to rue the day that she went after my mother." Sadie felt her heart clench tightly. It was her fault that Caroline was dead. Why wasn't he angry with her?

"Gideon, I..." she started to apologize, but he wasn't finished.

"Thank you for saving Bill and Charlie," he murmured. "Losing them as well really would have been too much. And I'm just so relieved that you were able to get away from Bellatrix before..." He trailed off, swallowing hard. Sadie stiffened slightly. He didn't know.

"Gid..." she whispered. "I need..."

He took a shuddering breath and tightened his hold on her, not seeming to hear her. "The funeral is tomorrow. You'll come, won't you?"

"I...of course, I'll come," she promised. "But..." She was cut off as his lips pressed tightly to hers.

"I love you," he whispered before kissing her again.

Sadie felt a strange jolt in her stomach, and her heart began to race as she kissed him back softly. He couldn't mean that, could he? He was just feeling all sorts of strange emotions right now, and he was getting confused. She was grateful that the kiss had turned long and slow; it gave her time to try and figure out how to respond.

Did she love him? She'd certainly liked him for a very long time. And he made her happy. Their relationship had been, for the most part, incredibly smooth and easy. She didn't have any desire to end things with him. And yet...something held her back.

A throat cleared awkwardly, and Sadie and Gideon broke apart to see Sirius standing in the doorway, rubbing his neck and averting his gaze uncomfortably. Sadie was struck by the sudden strange urge to run into his arms and apologize profusely for...what? Snogging her boyfriend?

"Uh...Mum wants to know if you'd like some dinner, Prewett. We've already eaten, but... Euphemia makes an incredible roast," he smiled weakly. "And there's plenty left."

Gideon glanced at Sadie, who gave him an encouraging smile. "Er, yeah. I'd like that."

Sadie grabbed his hand and pulled him to his feet, feeling a surge of gratitude toward Sirius for rescuing her from needing to respond to Gideon's sudden declaration. The three of them moved into the dining room, where Euphemia was already waiting with a hot plate of food. The rest of the family offered their condolences to Gideon as he sat down to eat, and Sadie slid into the chair next to him, losing herself in thought as her parents led a tactful conversation with her boyfriend.

The next day, Sadie sat anxiously next to Gideon through his mother's funeral. He held onto her hand tightly, face solemn, but refused to shed a tear. Beautiful words were spoken, some distant relative performed a lovely musical number, and then it was time to allow the loved ones to say goodbye. Sadie allowed Gideon to lead her into the next room, where Caroline's body lay waiting to be put to rest. They approached the casket, and Sadie felt her knees go weak as she looked into the face of the woman who had sacrificed her life for her. It was then that Caroline's last words to Sadie came rushing back to her.

"I don't think I've ever seen Gideon quite this happy. You're so good for him. Thank you."

That was why she had done it. She just wanted her son to be happy. And, by golly, if Caroline Prewett died in her place so that she could bring that to pass, then Sadie would see it done.

An hour or so later, Sadie and Gideon sat quietly in front of the fireplace at his aunt's house, where the family had gathered to comfort one another. Most everyone else was talking quietly in the kitchen. Sadie took a deep breath.

"Gid?"

He looked down at her, gaze softening. "Yes?"

She gave him a shy smile and spoke quietly. "I love you too."

A small spark of light returned to Gideon's eyes at her words. For the first time in days, his mouth curved into a genuine smile before he leaned down to kiss her gently.

Sadie couldn't help but imagine Caroline looking down on them in satisfaction.