Only Friends

Chapter 22 - Revelations

After the Chelsea game, we had to prepare for our final game against Slavia Prague. We were fairly confident going into the game because as long as we didn't concede three goals, we were through to the Champions league group stage. The team got on a plane to Czech Republic for the match against Slavia. I sat next to Jill on the plane, each of us with one air pod listening to music.
"Skip," I said, loudly, when a song I didn't like came on. She sighed, but skipped it.
"You are so picky!" she said to me, as she tried to find a new song. Sometimes, when Jill says certain words, her dutch accent becomes so obvious. After nearly a year of dating, you get used to her accent, but when she says some phrases, similarly with Viv, I can really hear the Dutch tang.
As I sat next to Jill, Viv sat next to Lotte and Leah by herself. Normally, Leah would have sat by Jordan, but as Jordan is injured, she is quite content keeping to herself.
Leah, to me, has always been a stand out player. Not only is she amazing with the ball, and an incredible defender, she has that captain spark that makes her inspirational. A couple of times she has worn the captain's armband for Arsenal. When Jordan got injured in 2018, and Kim was also injured, she wore the arm band for that match, and although it was only a short period of time, she was a leader, someone everyone could look up to.
Whereas, I would never count myself as a leader in the way Leah or Sam is. At least not yet.
As we were on the plane, one of the drinks spilt on my jumper, soaking my sweatshirt.
"Oh god," Jill said, laughing, getting a napkin to clean up the water.
"This is fabulous," I replied, laughing as well. I wasn't that worried that I had spilt water, only that my jumper was soaked through.
"Do you have a spare jumper?" I asked her.
"Yeah," she said, reaching for her bag and pulling out a sweatshirt. Although it wasn't an Arsenal one, it would have to do. I then quickly took the wet sweatshirt off and put the new one on. When I turned to look at Jill, I knew she saw. I could tell by her eyes. I could tell by the small tear. I put my hands through my hair, and pretended nothing had happened. I didn't want to have to deal with the conversation I knew I would have to face, one day.

When we arrived in Prague, it felt good having two feet back on the ground. I do love flying and going places, but the feeling of the ground does bring me some comfort. Jill and I were quiet for the rest of the flight, listening to music. I didn't want to have to explain. Not yet at least.
We got to our hotel room, and I was rooming with Viv.
"Viv, you're a lucky goose having me!" I said, jumping onto my bed when we arrived into our hotel room.
"So lucky," she replied, smirking under her voice.
"Are we exploring with the girls before the game?" I asked her, as I normally just tag along and don't plan much.
"Yeah, we are going to do a little walk around," she replied, unpacking her duffle and setting out her clothes.

We all met downstairs in the hotel lobby. Jill ended up rooming with Beth, and so they were the last ones in the lobby. Whoever put Jill and Beth together did not think it through - these two are always late.
We left the hotel and started to explore Prague. A disposable camera was bought on this adventure trip and it turned out to be a great investment. Pictures were taken at all points in the trip, which was really fun. Katie got a picture of me and Jill holding hands as we walked through the streets of Prague, and I got an adorable photo of Leah looking up at the detail of a cathedral. I also captured a cute photo of Mana and Viv smiling in front of the castle, looking as adorable as always.

When we returned to the hotel, we all got dressed into our gear and got ready for the game. We got to the stadium fairly quickly, as due to covid, traffic is normally not very high. We were able to settle down and prepare ourselves for the game. Jill and I sat next to each other, listening to our pre game music playlist. She knew I didn't want to talk, so she didn't make me. She understood that I would when I was ready.

"Ok, guys are you ready?" Kim, the captain, asked, as we were about to head out to the pitch. We all collectively cheered and started to assemble out of the locker room.

The first half was tough. We couldn't get any good shots, and Slavia's defence was keeping us on our toes. We weren't conceding any goals, but it was a lot more pressure than we anticipated. At one point, a Slavia player tripped Viv over, and she got feisty. Viv, who is normally a calm player, started to get frustrated. I went over to her.
"Viv," I said, putting my hand on her back, "take a breath and do what you know you can." She nodded and I went back to set up our defence.
Only a couple minutes after the incident with Viv, we got the break. Viv scored to help us get the 1-0 advantage. Viv scored again 10 minutes later. And again 2 minutes later. Viv, on her 110th game for Arsenal, got her 100th goal. This was a massive achievement, and although Viv doesn't usually celebrate, we made her at least smile and show some excitement.
After the game, we all huddled around and applauded Viv on her amazing 100th goal in an Arsenal shirt. She is now an Arsenal legend, I only hope one day I could be one too. If I am honest, I don't think I want to play anywhere else. If Arsenal would have me, I want to be like Jordan. Jordan has played nearly 11 seasons at Arsenal, I could only hope for the same.

We left Prague the following morning and returned to London to start training for our game against Reading on the weekend. I knew I had to talk to Jill. I knew I couldn't leave it for her to guess and assume. But I didn't know what to say, or how to say it. How to tell her that I was repulsed by my own body. To tell her that the marks on my arm were self-inflicted. To tell her that I nearly never made it here.

Note:
- I wrote the next couple chapters a while ago, so they will start to be going into the future/might be out of date
- let me know your thoughts x