Only Friends

Chapter 33 - Players Pod

As we got home, I got a message from Kelley O'hara. Kelley and I had been friends for quite a while, and although had never played on the same team together, we had mutual friends, such as Sam, so I did have regular contact with her.

Kelley: Hey Inds, hope you are going ok at the moment. I saw your statement and was in awe of you and everything you had been through. I was wondering if you would want to be in an episode of my podcast? No stress if not, I just think it would be awesome! Missing you !

Indi: Sounds great Kels! Let me know when you want to record! We'll have a blast xx

"Who was that?" Jill asked me, as she hopped into bed next to me.
"Kelley O'Hara. She wants me to be in an episode of her podcast."
"Sounds like fun!" Jill replied, leaning over, giving me a kiss on the cheek. "Didn't know you guys were friends?"
"Yeah, Sam and her played together at Sky Blue and so we kinda met through her."
"Are you comfortable doing it? A podcast?"
"Yeah, I think so. It would be good to just talk and explain." Jill nodded in agreement, and leaned over to kiss me. Since telling her about my past, I've stopped wearing long sleeves to bed. I now wear Jill's old t-shirts, which are two sizes too big for me. Jill, being Dutch, is quite tall. She is around the same height as Viv, and while I'm not as short as Jordan (who is tiny), I'm smaller.

"You look cute in my shirts," she said, smiling, looking over at me from her side of the bed. I blush back at her as she puts her hands on my waist and pushes a kiss deeper. I put my hands on her cheek, not wanting her to stop, wrapping my legs around her. "You're beautiful. You know that right?" She said, before continuing to kiss me. My heart flutters when she tells me statements like that, but I don't feel it. All I feel are my scars, and past, something I'm never truly rid of. Sometimes I think Jill could find someone better than me, without the past and issues. Why me? Why the fucked up Australian girl?

"Jilly?" I said to her, as she was getting out of the bed to grab a drink of water.
"Yeah?" She replied, turning back around to look at me. I turned away from her, not wanting to look her in the eyes.
"Sometimes," I started to say, still not locking eyes, "I don't feel like me." She was still standing in the door way, not moving but rather deeply entranced.
"I feel broken, still and I don't want you to feel you have to put me back together. You don't deserve that." A tear trickled down my face, and she hurried over to sit next to me, moving my head to look at her.
"You aren't broken. Our imperfections make us who we are. Our differences, our experiences tell our story. I'm not here to put you back together, no one is." At this point, she was holding my face with both her hands. She then picked up my arm, and started to kiss all the lines that imprinted upon them. "They. Tell. Your. Story." She said this in between kissing them, as I started to smile, tears still trickling down my face.
"I just don't want to be the reason you can't thrive. I don't want to be the thing tying you down."
"You aren't! And you never will be."
"Can I ask you something then?" I said to her, honestly.
"Sure."
"Why didn't you go to Wolfsburg? I knew you wanted to. I knew you did. You can't lie about that." She stood up and walked to the door, running her hands through her hair before speaking.
"Because I didn't think it was right."
"Jill, I need you to not worry about me."
"It's hard not to! Of course I worry about you, all the time." She came back over to me, sitting again.
"I don't want you to."
"I can't help it." At this point, we were raising our voices. Jill and I had had fights before, sometimes bad ones. But it never turned out into anything more than 15 minutes of no speaking.
"Jill, please tell me next time, you won't say no. Please." I knew she wanted to try something new. I could feel her restlessness.
"It won't happen, unless something really changes." Her leg started to bounce slightly, and her hand was shaking, but nothing that she herself would be able to notice. I only do because I knew what they were signs of. I knew what they meant.
"Okay," I said to her.
"Okay," She replied.