Brian had known straight away that something was wrong when I sat next to him in the staff room on Tuesday morning but he didn't press for any answers. I would tell him eventually and he knew that.
Ben had come clean after the argument that the day I had come home after my first day of work to find him talking on the dial up phone, he had actually been talking to my dad and not his parents while they were on holiday. James had given my dad the number and Ben had given him the address. I'd given up caring about him finding out by that point though, maybe he would leave me alone now.
By Tuesday night I'd had enough time to mope. I'd decided I didn't care enough anymore, I was happy here and that's what mattered so when I went into work on the Wednesday morning I was already happier and told Brian I would explain over lunch. Lunch that day seemed to take forever to actually arrive but we finally finished the first half of our shift and headed around the corner to a small cafe where I managed to tell Brian everything. He didn't say anything until I'd finished and even then he gave me a long hug first.
"It'll be okay. You have a pretty good life here so it's not like you're dependant on him anymore. When everything's calmed down between you two you can go back for a visit to see your brother and friends and stuff."
"Exactly. After my dad showed up I didn't even care that much. Most of the weird behaviour from shock and then a little from guilt about my brother but he'll know I'm alive and now that I'm not trying to hide I can call him pretty easily. It's not like I was going to be living there forever."
"True. Although I don't think he expected you to skip the country." Brian laughed.
"Fair point. But still..."
"No, I know. I didn't mean it in a bad way or anything."
The rest of lunch consisted of mindless conversations of the usual kind, followed by an argument over who was paying for what. I finally won my argument to pay for all of it but Brian was not happy and refused to talk to me for most of the walk back to work.
"Oh hey, we're going out for some drinks again tonight, nothing as heavy as last time, just a gathering. But would you like to join again?" Brian asked as we were getting ready to leave work later that afternoon. He had finally started talking to me at around three and naturally I hadn't been able to get him to shut up since. "Unless you have plans with your boyfriend." He smirked with a mocking tone to his voice.
"Shut up, he's busy tonight. I would love to go. I had a great time last time. But I have some people back home to talk to about stuff. Maybe next time."
"Totally understandable. But if you change your mind give me a call." He smiled, writing his number on my hand. "Now that you can turn your phone on again you might as well have my number."
"Will do. Have a good night." I gave a small wave goodbye as we both walked our separate ways.
I started to panic a little as I got closer to the house, worried about how this conversation was going to go. I walked into the house, straight upstairs past the living room where Joe and Ben were already sitting and shut myself in my room. I didn't leave my room for the rest of the day. Hannah tried to get in but I had shoved the desk in front of the door to block it. I just didn't want to talk to anyone. Hannah eventually got the message but it took a long time and it was nearly ten thirty by the time she stopped coming to try and talk to me. Around eleven thirty I finally moved my desk back and snuck out to use the bathroom before creeping back into my room.
Midnight rolled around and my laptop started making noise. I sat up and watched the screen as James' name flashed on the screen. I didn't want to answer and he probably knew that by now. I had sent him a message telling him that I needed to talk to him and to call me as soon as he was home. But that only works if could I actually bring myself to answer - Which at that precise moment was posing slightly difficult... Why had I thought this would ever be a good idea? How could I admit to him, especially face to face, that I didn't feel the need to come home anymore? He would kill me... It would kill him!
