Kyoya x Female Reader

Ch.43 Replaceable

(⚠️TW elements of self harm and depression in certain chapters⚠️)
(y/n) = your name
(L/n) = last name
(N/n)= nickname
Bold and underlined = authors note
'Italicized with apostrophe is internal dialogue'
"Quotation marks is external dialogue"
I do not own ouran high school host club or any of the characters in it

After you throw your fit in the Rose garden you make your way back to the club expecting everyone to be gone. Two people wait on the marble steps for you, however. Kaoru and Haruhi.

Haruhi pulls you into a hug and Kaoru pats you on the back awkwardly.

"Don't worry. We told them that you were feeling sick. That's why you ran out." Haruhi says.

"Thanks" you say half heartedly. It wasn't a lame excuse since you were sick. Or at least you thought you were gonna be at the sight of that girl hugging kyoya.

"I don't know what's going on here but I hope you get better." Kaoru says sincerely. But he doesn't know what else to say so he waves goodbye and makes his way over to his ride home.

Haruhi offers to walk with you but you tell her to just get going because you left your bag in the club room.

You take your time going back to get your bag so that if anyone was still in the club room they would have cleared out.

But when you pushed the door open you were disappointed by the sight of Kyoya sitting at a table with his laptop open. 'Always the first one here and the last one to leave' you think to yourself.

You don't bother trying to sneak past him since your book bag is all the way in back. And besides, you don't expect him to acknowledge your presence.

So when your grab your bag and are on your way out his question catches you off guard. It echoes through out the big empty room, bouncing off the walls and back to you.
"Feeling better? Heard you got sick."
Something about the question felt patronizing.

"Ah yes I'm feeling better. I thought I had just seen a rat in the club. It made me wanna throw up so I had to leave." You put emphasis on the word rat directing it at him and hopefully he picked up on it. Which he seemed to.

"Yes well you always were one for making a scene, weren't you." He pauses to look up at you.

This was a blow to your confidence and heart. You never imagine that Kyoya would turn to using such cold words. Not on you at least.
"Hmm well I'm glad you've gotten away from me and moved on so you don't have to deal with my childish antics." You spit at him.

It was like you were reminded why you were angry with him in the first place all over again and really intended to hurt him with your words.
"You are definitely one to talk." He says back casually.

This catches you. "What do you mean by that?" You say shocked, anger rising in your voice.

He sighs, annoyed he has to spell it out for you. "If I have to be specific then I will. I'm talking about your willingness to replace me with just anyone in the club." He articulates. This was the most spite you had ever heard in his voice ever.

"What do you mean by that?!" You still don't understand but Kyoyas on his feet looking ready to explode. "Oh so now you don't understand?! I guess it's not easy for someone like you to notice how easily you go from guy to guy. I guess just anyone will do, huh?!" The venom of his words sink in and struck exactly what he wanted to. It hurts. You want to cry. You want to ball up and sob because this is not the kyoya you know.

You walk up to him, trembling with both sadness and rage. "I see how it is. I call you out on being an asshole and you just naturally slouch into it!" You pause only for a moment to take a deep breath, "but just because your first thought was to replace me that doesn't mean it was mine!" Your voice trembles now, "and here I was, thinking you might actually come back to me! I was thinking that maybe you had understood what happened,but no. How wrong I was. Instead all you did was confirm I was right to break it off with you!" Tears are streaming down your face but there's still more to say. "Now I know that nothing but your ego will ever come first!" A sob catches on your last word and you turn on your heels so you can get out of there quickly.

You don't get a good look at kyoyas reaction but you didn't want to anyway. Today was your last hope for him. But now you know to drop it. There was no point in trying to rekindle a something when there was no spark to begin with.

You hated yourself for having hope. You hated yourself for liking him enough to believe in a second chance. You hated that blonde girl. You hated that you hated that blonde girl because in reality she did nothing to you. You hated the words that hurt you so badly and you hate the tears you've wasted on him. You didn't fight the hot tears that Welles in your eyes. Just let them fall. And then let the cold fall air dry your face sticky.

You walk out through the school and into the courtyard all the way to the train station not caring who sees you like this.

You could see your reflection clearly in the window of the train. Tear streaks and makeup smudges painted your face but you didn't care. How you looked to strangers was the least of your problems at the moment.

You were feeling hopelessly desperate by the time you got home. Your house empty, no one to stop you from doing what you wanted. You make your way to your room where a metal blade waits in a box in your sock drawer.

You cave into desperation and feel the release that comes with harming yourself. Over and over and over again.

'I'm sorry mom. I'm not strong.' You start sobbing. Eventually you fall asleep on your bed, blood staining your white sheets in pools.

'I just wanna sleep forever and leave everything behind.' Is the last thing you remember thinking before falling into a dreamless sleep.

Word Count: 1110