Rock, Paper, Scissors

41: Funeral

I never got to hear Nick's private concert since we all kind of got lost with Tyler's drinking game. Despite that, I cherished that accidental confession. I smiled every time I imagined what could have happened if we didn't get sucked by Tyler. I could have asked Nick to sing for all of us, but if our karaoke sessions had taught me anything about him was that he didn't like that many hear listening to him.

Back to school things went back to normal. There haven't been any more intimate moments with Nick, but it felt like I finally got to where I wanted. He no longer put walls between us or felt uncomfortable whenever I asked personal stuff. He wasn't much more talkative than usual, but we could all see that he was now relaxed with us. He joked more and most importantly involved himself more in our conversations. I was happy to see him like that. We came a long way but there he was, free of his trust issues towards us.

It was Thursday night, I was at home when I got a call from Ava with the worst news we could possibly get. Anne, Nick's grandmother had died. That woman was good, caring, and most importantly his anchor. Part of me felt sad and the other worried. I was worried that Nick would close himself up again, and something inside me made me nauseous. He lost the person he cared the most for, the only person he had always trusted, what if he felt lost without her? What if he... No! I couldn't focus on that. They weren't the same. He was not like Anthony.

"Not the same people, not the same thing, not the same outcome," I assured myself.

After the call, I immediately packed a bag and went straight to my parents to tell them what happened.

"Of course, you can go honey. He's your friend and needs you. Besides it's better if someone else drives him there," my mother said, hugging me tightly as if she was afraid I would break.

Not long after the honk of a car called. I said goodbye to my parents and left the house to meet my friends. Ava was waiting for me and Noah in her mini cooper. The passenger seat was purposely left free, I assumed for me, by Micah who was seating in the backseat. Noah joined us a few minutes after and we drove off.

Ava told us Tyler and Nick had left earlier to Anne's house. No one asked how Nick was, we could all imagine it. The whole ride was heavy and silent. It appeared to take longer than the first time we went there.

We found Tyler seating on the porch of the house, smoking. It had been a while since I last saw him with a cigarette in his hands. He told us Nick was in Anne's bedroom. We entered the house and put our bags down. I looked at Ava as if to ask whether we should go see him or not. She nodded at me and took my hand, leading us to the bedroom.

The door was open, and Nick was seating on the bed, his focus turned to the frame he was holding in his hands. When he sensed us, he raised his head and greeted us with a forced small smile. I couldn't help but hug him.

"I'm sorry. That's all I can say. I know it won't help, I know it means nothing for you right now, but just know that we're here, we love you and we'll never leave you," I whispered and let go, giving place to Ava.

"Thanks," he said, forcing another smile. "The funeral is tomorrow, she wanted to be cremated." Ava and I both nodded, not knowing what to say. "They say she didn't suffer, simply died in her sleep," he added, before raising up and placing the frame at its rightful place, on the nightstand.

I was expecting to see Nick more distressed, he didn't talk much, but didn't show sorrow either. The funeral ceremony was quick. Some of Anne's friends showed up, they would hug Nick, give him their condolences, and then cried. Some of them cried a lot. Nick never versed a tear.

That worried me. I knew he liked to act strong, to hide his emotions, but I was sure the situation was hard on him. He shouldn't force himself to keep it together. That's not good, not healthy. I tried it before, and it only made everything worse. Hell, Anthony kept everything bottled inside too, and look where that took him. He ended up feeling helpless, alone in his darkness. He was so deep in it that the only solution he found was to jump from that rooftop to his death. I can't let that happen to Nick.