Rock, Paper, Scissors

34: Heartbroken

In a few weeks, Ava and I became really close, I had told her about how we became friends with Nick and Tyler, making sure to omit the whole fighting-for-money situation. She probably knew about it since she seemed to know everything about Nick. From what I'd gathered, even when she lived far away, he would still confide in her, still, I'd rather not risk it and keep Nick's secret. We also talked about boys, a lot, and I was apparently missing out.

"Okay, let's admit that you're too shy to flirt with guys because that's the only acceptable reason for not doing it, you're telling me you don't even like, look at them? You don't look at guys and think that it is a beautiful creature, and you would totally kiss him if you could? Or lick his abs? Not even that?!" she asked me once.

"Not really, no. I mean, I can see they're handsome or whatever, but I never felt really felt that way except with–" I stopped once I realized what I was about to say. It's been a long time since I've thought about him.

"Since who?" she wiggled her eyebrows. "Come on, you have to tell me now!"

And so, I did, I told her all about Mason, about how he charmed me with his smile and beautiful eyes, and how he broke my hurt. By the time I finished her warm smile was gone. She looked at me as if Mason had hurt her too and hugged me.

"No wonder you want nothing to do with boys. I've been hurt before, but that? That's just cruel." She let me go and smiled again. "And here I thought you were going to talk about how you wanted to lick Nick's abs." She laughed and I couldn't help but blush. She was actually right, Mason was not the last boy I felt attracted to, Nick was. When I remember that day, in Micah's bedroom, my cheeks burned as if I everything around me was on fire.

"There's no need to blush Jules." She laughed even more, and I quickly turned, feigning to be looking for something on my phone, trying to hide my face. The truth is, I had never had such steamy, perverted thoughts about anyone until Nick, not even with Manson and I had seen him shirtless more than once. I guess Nick was really something else, no wonder he's so popular with the ladies. "I knew I couldn't be wrong. So, what's the deal?"

"What deal?"

"With you and my cousin Jules."

"What do you mean? There's nothing, I just wasn't expecting that, that's all."

"Oh, come on, you can't lie to me, I can read right through your blush." She pocked my cheek.

"I blush easily, I would have done it too if you had brought up any of the guys. It's just weird to think about any of them that way," I said, trying to save myself from the situation. "It's even weirder to think about Nick in that way. I mean, we had a rough start, that's the least we could say, mostly because of me and my assumptions, once again." I laughed, embarrassed by the way I mistook Ava for Nick's girlfriend. "But I think we are friends now, like good friends," I said, doubting about it. I felt that Nick and I were friends, but he was so reserved that sometimes it felt like we weren't there quite yet.

"Friends, huh? But you want it to be more," she teased me and looked at me with a wicked expression, finger-tenting as the bad guy from a movie. "I mean, you clearly have the hots for him."

"I do not! I mean sure, he's hot, I admit that. Then again, only a blind person could say otherwise, but, it doesn't mean that I have the hots for him."

"See, I don't know if you truly believe in that, which would just be sad, or you actually think you can fool me, which it's actually vexing because you can't. But it's fine, I'm letting it go, I was just trying to figure out why you two aren't dating already."

I turned back to her at that last sentence. Ava wasn't only assuming I was interested in Nick; she was assuming he liked me back. Had he told her something? Did they talk about me? I couldn't imagine Nick liking me in that way, let alone admitting to it. He never showed any signs of... It didn't matter, the simple thought of it made my heart flip-flop and I couldn't help but smile. Oh-oh, she was right, I was lost, I was lost bad and I had to come back to reality, because that would never happen and if I kept going... Well, I would end up hurting.

The next few days of school I kept thinking about the conversation I had with Ava and I couldn't help but feel awkward around Nick. Thankfully, he didn't talk to me much, so I think he didn't notice it. But I had been right, I knew that no matter what, if I fell for him, I was going to end up hurting, I just wasn't expecting it to happen so quickly.

It was lunchtime since on my way to the cafeteria I would pass by Nick's classroom I thought that we could walk together there. As I walked through the corridors, I realized how stupid that idea was. Nick was always the first to leave class so by the time I got there he would already be gone. Except he wasn't. As I turned the corner, just before the doors that lead to the cafeteria, I saw his back.

"Nick!" I called, a smile as stupid as I was, plastered on my face. When he turned, I could see he was with someone and my smile dissipated. Looking at me with a defiant smirk was Rebeca. I got closer even though every bone in my body wanted to escape that situation. Call it sixth sense or whatever you'd like.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. I'll just go find the others."

"That's okay, we're done here," Rebeca said, but I was already reaching for the doors. And because apparently, it was the let's-make-stupid-decisions day, I turned to give them one last look.

Rebeca had turned to Nick, she was playing with the cords of his hoodie, getting closer, too close for my liking. She smiled before swiftly grabbing his face and kiss him. He didn't push her away, and when I saw him close his eyes and my heart sank. That's when my brain decided to be smart. I opened the door of the cafeteria violently and stomped to our table. I stopped midway, noticing the water that was blurring my sight. I stopped to take a deep breath, there was no way out except the way I came through so I couldn't run to the bathroom and cry. No, no. I wouldn't cry, I promised myself that I would never cry for a guy. I brushed off the tears and with a new sense of determination, I joined my friends without a word.