Rock, Paper, Scissors

50: Love

It took me a while to get used to the idea of visiting Anthony's grave, but mostly to gain the courage I needed. As part of my search for peace, I finally told everything to my friends.

I couldn't finish the story without crying but Nick was there every moment, his comforting hand on my back. When I finished Ava hugged me tightly and one by one the rest of our friends joined in for a group hug.

"I am so sorry, Jules," Micha was the first to speak. "I will never cut you out gain. I promise."

I gave him a small smile. He didn't realize how glad I was to have him back. How grateful I was to have this amazing group of friends.

I also told them about the nightmares and the pills and unsurprisingly none of them judged me or thought I was weird or crazy. They didn't even pity me, which I was grateful for, and kept treating me the same as always and not like a broken porcelain doll. I knew they wouldn't but in the back of my mind, I had still been scared of telling them my deepest secret.

Now only one step left.

Nick has been holding my hand the entire drive, but I kept picking my nails. We were almost there. The sky was gloomy as if it had been forced to follow my heart. I took a deep breath as we turned the street to the cemetery.

Nick parked the car and turned to me, brushing my hands in support. "Whenever you're ready. We can go back too, whatever you want."

I nodded but kept looking straight forward, not daring to turn and face the grassy graveyard. I don't know how long we stayed in the car, in silence, when I noticed a white butterfly resting on the windshield.

Maybe it's a sign...

My heart relaxed and I decided it was time. I opened the door and got out, Nick was immediately next to me, holding me as I walked to Anthony's resting place.

Tears started burning my eyes as we got closer. I kept walking until I saw his face. He looked happy in the picture they used on the headstone. He looked so young and I wondered... I imagined what he would look like today.

Would he have been much different?

Would we still be friends?

"Julie? Is that you?" A calm soft voice called from behind.

I turned to face the woman I haven't seen in years, commanding my tears to stay at bay. Anthony's mother smiled widely before she embraced me.

That was enough to take down all that was keeping me steady. "I-I'm so sorry!" I sobbed. "I'm so sorry I couldn't stop him, I'm so sorry for not seeing what was going on."

I cried and she comforted me. She comforted me when she was the one who had lost her precious son. I was a selfish bastard.

"Oh, honey. There is nothing to apologize for. It wasn't your fault... If anything I, we are, grateful to you," Anthony's mom said, pulling back to brush my tears away. "You were the one who uncovered the truth and allowed us to get justice. That is more, so much more than anyone could ask for you, Julie. And even though we miss him, every day, we know he's in a better place now. Finally at peace."

I looked at the ever-strong woman before me. She was still smiling. "He loved you very much and you love him too. That's all that matters."

I nodded and hugged her once again. We started talking about what happened since I left town. I introduced her to Nick, and we kept conversing until she had to leave. It was already quite late but I still took my time to seat by Anthony's grave and talk to him in silence.

I apologized, and as Nick had put it, poured my heart to him. Every thought, every heavy regret I had, I told him all. When I was done, no more tears left to cry, I smiled at him and said, "Thank you."

Nick kissed my temple, and we went back to the car.

Whether this was enough to heal my mind, only time would tell, but my heart felt lighter after I said goodbye.

The ambiance in the car was much more relaxed too. Nick turned on the radio and started shifting stations. I chuckled remembering the first time I drove in his car.

"Just play the songs from the flash drive," I said. "I like them, although I much prefer your acoustic versions."

I smiled at him, and he took my hand to kiss it.

We got to his house and sat on the couch to watch a movie. I snuggled into him and rested, taking in his perfume.

Who would have thought that behind the cold bastard I've met hid the most supportive and loving person? I rose my head to kiss his jaw and he looked at me, smiling.

He kissed my forehead, then the tip of my nose, then my cheek, and finally my lips.

He took me in his lap and rose up, carrying me as if I weighed nothing. He took me up to the stairs, then his bedroom.

We laid on the bed just looking at each other, taking in whatever each of us saw. His beautiful bright hazel eyes were full of bliss. We kissed again. He caressed my hair softly with each kiss and I couldn't help to melt against him. I love him so much.

When I look back at everything that happened, I can only feel blessed to have met him. He went from being a cold hard stone to become my warm rock. Holding my hand every step of the way.

I don't know what the future holds, but now I know I don't have to ever look back at the past with regrets. And I know I love Nick unconditionally and he loves me. He supported me, cared for me, but most importantly he trusted me with his guarded heart. He gave me everything and I'll give my whole to him.

THE END

This is the end. 

I started this story loving it, then hating it, and now, for some inexplicable reason, I feel sad to let it go...

Thank you to everyone who read this until the end! Thank you to all of the amazing people who've been supporting me and giving me advice!