~𝓐𝓶𝓸𝓾𝓻 𝓭𝓮 𝓓𝓮𝓶𝓸𝓷~ ••𝓢𝓮𝓵𝓮𝓿𝓮𝓻••

Little Blue Cyanus

I stared up at the dark sky above me, then to Selever. Selever was just staring up into the same dark sky as I was. I couldn't find the words as I looked at him, so I just stared. His eyes looked occupied on the twinkling lights. I couldn't help but absorb myself in the tender way he looked up into the darkness. He probably saw this sky so much in the time he lived; but the way he looked at it, made it look like he was just as absorbed with the beautiful lights every time he took a look.

I smiled and leaned back against the roof and raised my hand to the sky. I wanted my mind to be as clear as it was. With the ability to look to the future and see my goals as tiny sparkling lights. But right now, I felt the opposite.  I felt like my sky was just filled with clouds to dark to even penetrate through. I sighed and looked to Selever.

"Hey." I asked, my eyes dropping a bit at my tiredness. I saw Selever turn to me. "Will you answer my questions now? You know, now that I'm not going to be leaving?" I asked and he nodded. "What were the questions?" He asked, I turned on my side. "What exactly do you want from me?" I asked, he looked down at me. "I don't know. Honestly this world is just as new to me; everything here is." I looked up at him. "Would you miss me if I left?" He smiled at me.

"I would." He told me. I turned on my back. "Did you really want me to leave?" I asked and he sighed. "I did." I turned my gaze to him. "But why?" He looked at me and a flash of pain crossed his faceb fading intoa whole new expression entirely.

"Because. I felt that if you stayed here. I was making you. That you wanted to stay here because I was here. No other reasons mattered to me then, and I was being selfish." Selever said. "I want to be the center of your universe. But at the same time; you deserve to live a life without wondering what I thought, what I'd do and whether or not you want to come back to me when that's over." He explained. "You were right, it isn't my decision whether or not you stay or leave. So I prepared myself for the worst; where I'd become a distant planet in your circle of infinite stars. I couldn't bear to guilt trip you if you wanted so badly to leave." I sat up to grab his hand.

"I'd rather have you leave and be happy then stay and be miserable, right?" He asked and I nodded silently. He almost sounded like he was trying to convince himself. "I...I didn't know you felt that way, moreover I don't quite understand why you do." I said. "But I'm glad you were considerate of what I wanted." I said. "You sound so experienced in this." I told him rubbing the back of his hand. "You have no idea." He told me. We were both silent for a second and I turned to stare up at him.

"What are you thinking?" I asked with a questioning gaze and he smiled at me, rubbing the top of my head and standing up blowing the candle out. "I think its time for you to head to bed. You have to do some morning praying tomorrow, right? If you miss that then, I don't think mom will think you're taking this seriously." He said flipping  up my veil over my eyes. I was blinded for a moment before removing it from my eyes to look at him. There was a look there like he was: longing.

I blushed in embarrassment and climbed down the tree, Selever followed me letting the wind catch his wings, floating down safely. He walked me to my room and promptly said 'goodnight' to me before walking away; back to the church entrance, back to his home. I smiled as I watched him from a distance, I couldn't help but keep my eyes open until he disappeared from my view.

I slid into my sleeping bag and looked around the darkened room. It wasn't like the night sky. Dark blue and sparkily. It was black and unmoving, like I was getting lost in the darkness. I reached out to the murky darknes, swearing when I saw the moon peeking out from the window. I sighed, staring at the light that kept me grounded in my sleeping bag.