evan peters + ahs imagines

kyle spencer: ptsd

"it's okay we're gonna be safe here." i told kyle, setting my bag down as we walked into the cabin.

kyle was struggling ever since his death, and we had to leave the coven for a while due to us witches being in danger.

"o-okay."

it was pretty cold, and a snow storm would be coming in soon.

maybe the cabin wasn't the nicest idea, but it was the safest one.

kyle sat down on the bed, facing away from me.

"are you cold? i can turn on the fire."

he shrugged, and that's when i figured he was upset.

"are you okay?"

"i'm really tired." he said softly.

"you can sleep, or just rest."

"no, i'm tired."

"i know, your doing so much better though. things will be easy soon."

"i don't want to be here." he sighed.

"what?"

"you don't love me the way i wish you loved me."

"kyle, what are you talking about? i love you." i said, getting nervous.

he started to break down into his hands, and i was honestly really confused because he was just fine 20 minutes ago.

"i promise i do. i love you."

"y-you love me in a "i dont want anything bad to happen to you" way. you don't love me as a....boyfriend or future husband or something."

i sighed.

i wrapped my arm around him and pulled him in so that his head was resting on my chest.

"i do love you as my boyfriend kyle." i cooed, "oh, i love you so much. you're all i ever think about."

"i don't want you to leave me after i no longer need help."

"i'm not going to." i assured him.

kyle gently moved back away from my hug and held my face for a small second before placing a kiss on my nose.

"i'm sorry. i really am just tired."

i wiped a tear from his face and then kissed him back.

"come on, there's a tv in here maybe we can put something on?" i asked him.

"yeah." he smiled.

we cuddled up together in bed, trying to keep warm and comfortable. we watched bad tv and laid around together for hours.

"it's freezing in here." i said, snuggling close to him.

he scanned the room with his eyes, looking for something to help warm me up.

"oh, look. here we go." he said, getting up from bed and moving over to turn on the fireplace in the cabin.

i sat up, looking at the fire.

kyle came and sat back down with me, hugging me and kissing me.

"i love you." i whispered, "i promise i do."

"i'm sorry, i was being so dramatic."

"no, it's okay."

we just kept on our night as it had been going; tv, cuddling, and talking. after a few hours, kyle was starting to grow tired and i was too.

eventually, the tv was shut off and we both fell fast asleep in each other's reach.

we slept well for as long as we could. around 3:30am i awoke to kyle tossing and groaning in his sleep. he was also covered in sweat and tears.

it was a ptsd attack.

when this happens, it's too dangerous to wake up kyle so i unfortunately have to sit back and watch him break down in his sleep.

the reason it's too dangerous is that he could possibly hurt me during his episode, unknowingly.

"help. p-please. stop." he whimpered as he tossed around. i sat on the edge of the bed, trying to watch him cry without crying myself.

finally, several long minutes later, kyles eyes fluttered and it looked like he was about to wake up. this was my cue to go sit back with him.

"look, you're safe." i cooed, "it's okay."

his hands shook uncontrollably and he was whimpering and crying.

he moved over to me so that i could hold him and comfort him. he was shaking so badly i was almost too worried for him.

"aw, it's alright." i whispered to him and kyle i hugged him.

"i'm sorry." he whispered through his shaking and crying.

i kissed his forehead.

"take a deep breath. i've got you."

he nodded, trying his best to steady his breathing but it was difficult.

i rubbed his back to soothe his shaking. it took a while for him to calm down, but eventually he did.

"do you need to talk?" i asked.

"i'm s-sorry to wake you." he mumbled.

"oh, don't worry. i'm okay."

he just wanted me to hold him close and comfort him, but at the same time he felt so much guilt for having these problems.

"kyle stop working yourself up. i can feel you shaking." i said, "everything is okay. close your eyes."

"i wish i stayed dead that night."

"kyle, stop."

"oh, i want to die." kyle said, getting out of bed.

"please don't do this right now." i begged for him to come back to bed.

"i cant, i cant. i cant do it anymore i have to." he was rumbling through the room.

"kyle. stop. i mean it."

he wouldn't stop though, he was so eager to leave and just be done with everything.

i started to cry a little, out of being so tired, stress, and just feeling out of control with kyle. i also felt a lot of guilt and sadness for him.

i glanced over at the clock, 4:00am.

kyle was mumbling and just freaking out.

"kyle? please." i started to sob.

when he was turning around to look for something else, he caught a glimpse of me crying and stopped.

he sighed and walked up to me.

"i'm sorry." he whispered, embracing me with a hug.

"don't kill y-yourself please."

he kissed my head before resting his head on top of mine as he hugged me.

"i'm sorry, i didn't mean to upset you."

i didn't reply. i just stayed there with him.

we moved to lay down in bed, and he held me the whole time.

"you have to get help kyle. we can't keep doing this."

"i know." he said, ashamed.

"it'll be okay."

"i know it will." he kissed me.