evan peters + ahs imagines

evan peters: forever

tw: depression?
word count: 810

sorry i haven't updated this week, super busy with school and working on my new book.
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evans life was going downhill, and he was falling into the deepest depression he'd ever been in.

it was 1am and the shooting of cult ran late, as it usually did. it was a particularly hard scene for evan and he was just going take after take.

"you need 10?" ryan murphy asked evan, who was nearly crying.

he nodded, smiling softly and walking off set to his trailer.

"hey, how's it going?" i asked evan, looking up from my phone.

"i don't think i can keep going."

evan started to sob, and i immediately got up and walked over to him. i knew he was getting upset and tired lately, but he wasn't one to give up. 

i wrapped my arms around him, and he tucked his head into my chest, crying and crying. he cried so hardly that it was silent, that kind of cry.

"i have to go..work." he said, clearly anxious and pulling away.

"ev. wait."

he stopped and looked back at me.

"give yourself a second. it's okay." i cooed, grabbing his hand and rubbing my thumb against him.

his eyes stung of tiredness, and he just wanted to lay down and never get up.

"i know this seems impossible, but you got this. it's okay, it's almost over."

"i'm loosing myself."

i gently pulled him into my chest and placed a kiss on his head.

"i know, it's almost over."

"i don't want to keep going tonight..i'm so tired."

"how many more scenes?"

"just one, but it's taking everything out of me." he told me, hugging me tighter.

my heart for him, he was really putting absolutely everything into this role and he was loosing himself and just so tired.

"get it over with, and then you can come lay with me and we can just take a break. you can get some sleep, and i'll be with you."

he pulled away and shook his head in response.

i placed my hand on his face, "you have this."

we walked back to set, holding hands. i didn't always watch him work, but he was anxious and i wanted to be there.

i watched as he struggled through a scene with sarah, and sarah also tried to let him know everything would be okay but i could just see in his eyes that he was loosing it.

finally, it was over. the scene was done. he came over to me and hugged me in relief.

"you did good. i'm proud of you."

i could tell he was on the verge of a huge breakdown, so i took him away from the set and back to his trailer.

"i'm so tired." he sobbed.

i pulled back the covers to the small bed that was in his trailer.
evan looked like he was having a panic attack, so i tried my best to help him find peace.

"you're done for the night. you can sleep, ev."

i grabbed his fidgety hands and brought them to my lips to kiss them.

"it's alright."

he nodded, laying his head onto my shoulder and just falling into my arms.

evan wasn't sure what he felt, but it was no where near happy or okay or even himself.

i was able to get him into bed, and i was tired too now.

"i'm sorry, it's just been a hard week."

"don't be, i know."

i moved close to evan, letting him hold me in his arms.

"do you want to talk about it?"

he kissed the top of my head. it took him a minute to answer, but eventually he did.

"i'm taking this season too far." he told me, "i don't know who i am anymore. i'm so mean, i'm always upset. i hate yelling, i don't know why i do that."

i just listened to him, i didn't want him to feel upset.

"i'm never going to find myself."

"you will. and evan?"

"hm?" he questioned.

"i still love you. i love you like this, i love you every way. but i know your unhappy, so i'll help you find yourself again."

"i seriously don't know if i'd be able to do this season without you."

i laid my head onto his chest, just taking in his presence.

"i'm here whenever you need me. just don't push me away okay?"

"do you feel like i am?" he asked, worried.

"no, no. but you have with other people.."

"i know, i'm sorry."

i put my hand on his face, gently caressing his cheek.

"you don't have to be sorry, it's been hard."

he kissed my lips, and i kissed back.

"i love you." he whispered as we settled down for sleep.

"i love you too. forever."

"forever."