Her Blood » 𝐉𝐀𝐘

» XIII «

“We should love each other, no matter what happens.”

TW :: mention of blood, suicidal thoughts, hurting oneself

I lightly shook my head and looked down. “I understand that you need me to live, but I don't think I deserve to be alive right now. I don't deserve—” “You just said that you'd do anything.” I bitterly chuckled. “I wanted you to say that you wanted me to kill myself. I have killed two people already, killing myself won't be that hard.” “Are you out of your mind?! If you kill yourself, that would mean you'd kill me too. Just...be alive for me, if you don't want someone to die because of you again.” I hysterically stared at the floor. “And please don't go insane because of this. I don't want to do something regretful to make you get to your senses.” Silence filled the air until I started bursting into tears once again.

“I don't think I'd be able to stay sane. I feel like I have to end everything now that I got to apologise to you. Even now, I want you to stay away from me so that I can rush up to the top of your house to end my life. I badly want to leave this freaking world. I can't handle them and their trash talks about me and my family anymore. If I just die, it would cease eventually. My parents and Jaeyun would be living a normal and peaceful life, they won't get people staring at them like they're not welcomed there. I am the problem, I should be gone.” He furiously held onto my shoulders as he lightly shook me. “Think twice, woman! You don't know how sad and distressed they're gonna be if you kill yourself.”

“I don't care. Jaeyun will be the only person who will mourn my death. He can handle it.” “Lies. There is Sunghoon and, me. But still, I highly doubt that your parents won't mourn your death. Please, stop thinking about committing suicide. It won't be worth it.” “Oh, what do you know? You don't even know how I feel. You've never been in my shoes. You're just a guy who turned into a vampire to save me just to get me to apologize to you. Isn't that the thing you wanted? Well, I have apologized now, can I please have the permission to die since you were the one who granted me another life?” He sighed in frustration and looked down at the ground for a few minutes. “If you're gonna kill yourself, you won't mind killing me first, will you?” His eyes shot right into my lunatic ones.

“Wha—” “I'm sure you heard me clearly.” He stood up straight and spread his arms. “Kill me first, that'll mean that I have given you the permission to kill yourself.” I stared at him in shock, not sure what to do. I looked everywhere. “Not going to do it?” My attention went to him, who was still spreading his arms. He put them down and shove them in his pockets while looking at me with a mockery smile on his face. “How can you say that you would kill yourself when you can't even kill someone else?” “I-I already did!” “That doesn't count.” He slightly pouted and shook his head. “Be honest, you really don't want to hurt yourself.” “I do!” “Then prove it.” My heart skipped a beat at his words.

I looked around to find an object. He folded his arms as he watched me. I saw a glass nearby and I directly grabbed it before breaking it into pieces. He raised an eyebrow, quite taken aback. My heart started thumping rapidly as I reached out to grab the pieces. I tightly gripped onto the small yet sharp pieces as I winced in pain. The painful and tingly feeling on my right palm got replaced by an apathetic feel as blood started streaming down. His eyes trembled at the view. I opened my palm to reveal the horrible sight of a deeply cut palm with blood all over it. I shakily reached out to grab a bigger piece with my right hand. I had a rather pleased smile on my face as I did. For once, I felt alive.

He grabbed my right wrist before I could hold onto another sharp object. I looked up at him to see him breathing heavily. “I'm not done.” I spoke, more like whining. “But I'm done seeing you hurt yourself.” “You wanted to see me hurt.” “That's different now. I don't want to see you in pain.” He breathed out and leaned his forehead on mine. He closed his eyes. “You're such an extraordinary woman.” He whispered. I scoffed. “There are more of me. You can find someone more extreme than me if you look around more.” He opened his eyes and tenderly looked at my ruined palm. He carefully ran his thumb on the red substance and looked at it. “I won't allow you to waste your blood like this.” He licked his thumb and focused his eyes on me. My face was flushed. He smiled. “Are we still on the attempting suicide issue?”

I opened my mouth to answer but nothing came out. I formed my lips into a thin line and hesitantly nodded before gulping. “Good. Let's talk about our future now, shall we?” I let out a small chuckle. I coyly looked at him. Although we were completely different from each other, I loved that guy. Everything about him made me fall for him and I couldn't believe he forgave me for what I did and wanted to be in a relationship with me. “We should clean this up first. Stay here, I'll be back in a moment. Don't try to do anything.” I just smiled at him and he left the room. I sighed out and looked down at my palm and the glass pieces. Do I really want to provide him with my blood for the rest of my life?

© 2021 -JAKISM