i hate u | bxb

26

Adrian's POV

Amar takes me back into his room. We find ourselves back on his bed, he is sat against the wall, my head is rested in his lap while he plays with my hair.

"You wanna talk now?" He asks cautiously.

I sigh. Now or never. I take a deep breath before speaking.

"My mom and I always have these stupid little fights." I scoff already feeling the tears coming," uh- it's always my fault. My grades aren't good enough, I never spend time with them, I'm too needy, I'm too spoiled! The list goes on. Like, am I really so horrible that no matter what I do makes me a terrible son?" I ask no one in particular, my voice breaks.

I feel Amar lift me up then wrap his arms around me and I easily give in. I hug him tightly, willing myself not to sob.

"She-she always goes at Alec too!" I cry into his shoulder,"we can never do anything right! I try Amar! I really try to make my parents happy! But it seems like whatever I do..." my voice cracks, "I'm never enough. I'm too this, too that! Like what do they expect me to do!"  All of my insecurities pour out of me and I can't stop them.

Tears are just spilling from my eyes at this point.

"Fuck Amar!" I grip his shirt, hoping I'm enough for him. "I try so hard for them..." my voice breaks again and I continue to cry.

He runs his fingers through my hair and whispers words of comfort.

"It's okay baby, I've got you..."

"I'm never going to be enough..." I whisper, barely loud enough for myself to even hear. I will never be enough. Not for my parents. Not for Amar. Not for myself. Not for anyone.

"No baby..." he coos,"You are enough! And if your parents can't see that... then- man they are stupid!" He hugs me tighter burying hi head into my hair and leaving sweet kisses on my head.

I let out a shaky breath. A few tears linger on my face.

"Amar," I slightly laugh at the insult, but I'm still crying, "I lo-" I stop myself before I finish that sentence, "really appreciate everything you've done for me." I save.

"Of course, Adrian. I've got you." He whispers leaning closer to my ear, before pressing a few gentle kisses to my cheek and forehead.

Was I really about to tell him that I love him?

I've always known my feeling for him went beyond a simple crush.

I think I've always "loved" him. Or more the idea of being with him. Or I loved what I knew of him. But that was before I actually knew him like I do now.

The love I felt for him was like the love you feel for your favorite celebrity or celebrity crush. You look at them and see perfection. He was so perfect in my eyes. Zero flaws. Could do no wrong. I guess you could call that love.

But now.

Now I know

I don't just love him.

I am in love with him.

I am in love with Amar.

Absolutely head over heels in love.

After actually being able to know him. Talk to him. Feel him. Touch him. Hold him. Love him.

It is so painfully obvious.

The realization didn't necessarily scare me, in fact I almost feel happier but also more worried. I feel like a weight has been lifted off of me only to be replaced with another.