i hate u | bxb

8

"Well I-i told them that you uh-"

"You told that I did something to you!?" I cut him off, throwing his hands away from me. He looks down and nods,"I cannot fucking believe you Adrian!" I storm out of the bathroom after shoving him out of my way and I limp onto the bus.

How could he!? I trusted him. Amar you fucking gullible idiot! Of course he did! He's a little bitch! God dammit I'm being too harsh-wait no I'm not! I nearly died. I have all the reason to be upset! Ugh why do feelings have to be so complicated. I want to punch him in the face but I also want to kiss his beautiful lips again. His soft, pink, luscious- Amar get ahold of yourself!

Adrian comes and sits next to me after a few minutes with red, puffy eyes. I ignore him, looking out the window. He tries to hold my hand, but I yank it away, "Amar-" I glare at him and he shuts up.

Back at the hotel I go to our room and slam the door in his face and lock myself in the bathroom. He knocks on the bathroom door," Amar please." He begs.

"Go! Away!" I yell at him. I hear footsteps then him laying down on the bed and muffled sobbing.

I look in the mirror at my dried bloody face and bruised up neck I take a deep breath. I cannot believe him why would he tell them those lies. I gave him a 2nd chance and he blew it- but I think I- no Amar it's too late he fucked up...I need to shower.

In the shower I let the warm water run over my beat up body, allowing the physical and mental pain of today wash away for a moment. I wash the blood from my face and hair. Everything hits me at once. I feel heavy. So heavy. I'm exhausted. I want to collapse on the shower floor and sleep forever.

I don't deserve love, they were right. And Adrian, I really thought you were better than that. God! Why does his stupid face have to be so beautiful! And why does his personality have to be so god damn adorable when we're alone! I lean against the wall my body convulsing with sobs.

I wish I could just forget everything! I wish things would go back to the way they were! I wish I never had to fall for that little blonde dipshit! With his beautiful eyes! And his perfect fucking face! With his god damn adorable pout when he doesn't get his way! With his stupid laugh that makes my heart flutter! And that cursed smile! That fucking smile! I hate him with everything in my body. I wish I did. I really really wish I did.

After about fifteen minutes of crying, cleaning and thinking I get out and dry myself off. I do not want to see him. I can't see him. Shit...oh my god... I forgot a clean pair of clothes. I slowly crack open the door to see where he is.

I wrap the towel around my waist and see him laying face down on the bed hopefully asleep I creep over to my bag and he sits up," Amar?" Shit ," Oh my god you're naked!" He doesn't even try to look away. His eyes are wide and his jaw is on the floor. His eyes trail down my chest, abdomen, then to my v-line. I feel my bruised face burn. I clear my throat tugging him from whatever thoughts he was having and pull my towel tighter around me.

"Uh um sorry I didn't think I was gonna shower so I didn't grab anything." I gulp. I start to walk hurriedly back to the bathroom.

"Wait!" He calls out. I turn and see him rushing over to me," I'm sorry please forgive me, I can't handle this." He puts his hand on my upper arm, but I push him away. I want to- NO no I can't

"Why'd you do it?" I ask him angrily, holding my towel so it didn't fall.

"They kept pressuring me to tell them what goes on in here like they expected you to do something and and I-it just- it just happend and I mean-yeah you did do something-but, but Im the one that kissed you first so really we both did something but if I told them that they would have killed me right then and there." He rambles, "Amar... I'm really sorry." He looks deeply in my eyes. I feel like he can see into the depths of my very being. I feel myself starting to get lost in the green eyes in front of me, then I remember what's happening and I shake my head.

"Adrian you need to think before you speak," I raise my voice,"I gave you a 2nd chance after calling me a fag yesterday and you tell them these-these lies! Knowing that they would kill you if they knew what you did! How did you not expect them to try to kill me?" I explode, all of my anger flowing out of me.

"Amar-" He steps back, the same fear in his eyes as when he tried to apologize at lunch yesterday.

"No! I almost fucking died in that bathroom Adrian!" I yell at him, getting in his face, "Adam could've choked me to death! He told me that I don't deserve anything but to die! Do you think I deserve to die?"

"Amar of course I don't, I-" he tries to speak but I cut him off again.

"Then why the FUCK would you tell them anything like that?" I let out a scream of anger,"I hate you!" I end the conversation there and walk into the bathroom to change, slamming the door in Adrian's shocked and hurt face.

Why did I say that? Why the ever-loving fuck would I say that I shouldn't have been so aggressive- he deserved it- no I just hurt him- yeah but he hurt you. I bury my face in my hands,"Fuck!" I yell, not even caring that he could hear me. I put my back against the wall and slide to the floor rubbing the sides of my aching head. I finally stand up and get dressed.

I hear a knock at the hotel door 5 minutes later, "Dinner in 10!"

I walk out of the bathroom to see Adrian sitting on the bed he perks up at the sight of me and asks," Are you going to dinner?" I shake my head no, not daring to look at him. He stands up and walks over to me and tries to grab my hands, I shake him away.

"Stop it! Stop trying Adrian!" I say with an exhausted voice. He stares up at me with pain in his eyes. Both of us breathing heavily. He bites his lip holding back tears," Don't start crying." I demanded. His lip trembling,"Hey hey hey stop that don't fucking cry." I hold his face. I can't bear seeing him sad like this. My heart is going to shatter.

"I'm trying." He quivered, a single tear rolling down his cheek. I drop my hands down to my sides and swallow my feelings. How can I feel so deeply for a boy who caused me pain?

He wipes his eye and we stare at each other again he looked as though he was surveying every detail of my face. He hesitantly reaches up and caresses my face where Carson punched me and I can't help but melt into his touch. He then travels down my neck, I lift my chin as he softly traces the bruises on my neck,"I'm so sorry" he whispers barely loud enough to hear. I hold back tears. I want to hold him and tell him it's okay. I want to protect him. What have you done to me Adrian?

I feel his thumb brush across my lips, down to my chin and he gently forces me to look down at him again, his hands falling to his sides,"Did you mean it?" He whispers with a shaky breath, multiple tears stream down his face and he quickly wipes them away.

I look at him confused, then the realization dawns on me. "I hate you!" The words I said to him echoing through my head. I can't even speak, my mouth opening and closing unable to get the words to describe how I feel.

He turns to leave but I grab his wrist,"No." He looks at me confused,"No... No I-I didn't."

A/N this chapter fucking breaks me so I'm sorry if it made you sad.

Some of the dialogue and a lot of the inner thought originally wasn't there but I wanted to make this extra gross and emotional so yeah. Also the stuff that follows was in this chapter but it was like nearing 3000 words so imma just make it into its own chapter.

Next chapter is a ✨fun✨ one