Always and forever

65 - More frames from the past

Can

It's a wonderful feeling to fall asleep and wake up the next morning with her still clutched in my arms, her cheek on my shoulder, her hair spread across my chest, that special perfume of hers wafting over us, her arm holding me close.

What is this woman to me?
I realized that she is as essential to me as the air I breathe, she has entered under my skin, in my thoughts and in my heart and no one will ever be able to take her away, she has always been there, I have no idea if what I feel is a new feeling or the awareness of something that was and always will be.
I feel it's such an absolute feeling that I can't think that the Can from before could love her even more deeply than that, it seems impossible.

I feel her move, she sighs and holds me close to her, it's a beautiful feeling to feel loved and to belong totally to someone, I lower my gaze to meet her brown eyes fixed in mine.
She smiles at me and I smile back at her, I wish that every awakening in my life was like this, with my Sanem close to me.

- Günaydın sevgilim, good morning my dear -

She smiles shyly at me - Günaydın Can -

I feel her trying to loosen from my embrace and I hold her back, I pull myself up against the back of the bed holding her close.

- Can you tell me something about us, Sanem? For example, about these two moments when I remember we slept together like last night -

She sighs and begins to tell a story that is nothing more than our love story that had to face many trials, defeat monsters and villains in order to find its happy ending, I understand more and more why it makes her feel bad that I don't remember it.
She tells me about an Italian entrepreneur, about his almost morbid attachment to her perfume, about my deep jealousy.
As she talks I see her again in a beautiful coral dress that I know I gave her, a vision, a rare beauty and then myself dragging her away from the party annoyed that that man could even look at her.

She then tells of my violent reaction against Fabri who even took me to prison, of her attempt to save me by giving him the recipe for the perfume and of my violent reaction when I found out.

- If you had done it for me, to get me out of trouble, why did I get so angry with you? -

He looks at me intently - Only you can answer Can, you told me you couldn't tolerate the fact that I gave him something that was only yours and you couldn't forgive me for hiding the truth from you -

As she speaks I see in my mind's eye us at the cabin, me shouting at her that there is no more us, that it's over, that she would have been like all the others to me from that moment on, I realise these are absurd words now as I know I realised it immediately after saying them, I remember it clearly.

How stubborn was I with this girl who, in spite of everything, continued to love me without any doubts or relenting?
This is confirmed by her subsequent story, my running away from Istanbul and her following me, the seminar and the night we spent together due to a breakdown in the heating in her room.
I clearly remember waking up the next morning and the thoughts that were very similar to those I had had just before, of how wonderful it was to wake up with her in my arms.

Yet the next image I see projected in my mind is of us in an underground car park and me telling her:
- Ben gidiyoru, I am leaving, I accept Polen's offer -
I clearly remember her tears and my conviction that it was the best choice for me to leave, to run away from a situation that I did not know how to handle and deal with.

- How much did I make you suffer during our history Sanem?

She looks at me seriously - We went through a lot Can, but in the end the feelings we had for each other allowed us to overcome all obstacles, it remains to be seen if ...-

She doesn't finish the sentence, I understand that she is saying that we have to see if we will be able to overcome this test unharmed, I hold her tighter in my arms and caress her cheek.

- I'm confident that I'll regain my memory completely, but even if that's not the case, there's a lot to build a brand new love on, Sanem, our affinities haven't changed, what we're looking for in a soul mate hasn't changed, I'm sure of that *

She resumes speaking, smiling - There have also been very beautiful moments and the second memory you mentioned, when we woke up in bed in my room at my parents' house, is one of them. It is the awakening after a romantic night in which we danced in each other's arms looking into each other's eyes as if the rest of the world did not exist.

And here again in my mind is an image of the brave woman that she is, extending a hand towards me in an inviting gesture.
- Shall we dance? I know you want to -
I see us soon after embraced in a slow dance, with her beautiful and seductive in a long dress with a vertiginous slit that leaves her leg uncovered for the entire length and a naked shoulder that I wanted all the time to cover with millions of kisses, a true temptress goddess.

We've had some incredible moments together, but I'm sure we can have just as many intense and wonderful ones from now on, just being together is enough, I smile encouragingly at her - Come on erkenci kuş, let's get up and go build some new unforgettable memories for us haydi, come on! -

And so it was that day and for those to come: we walked hand in hand on the seashore, we laughed together chasing each other through the splashing waves, we ate at hot dog stands wiping the corner of our mouths with ketchup, we watched the moon reflect on the ocean for hours hugging each other on the beach, we slept at night and woke up every morning in an embrace that was tenderness and belonging and at every moment I seemed to fall more and more in love with her.

Is such a thing even possible?

How much can a man's feelings for a woman grow?