Always and forever

20 -Doubts

Sanem

I leave Can in the hallway with the agency employees, Deren and Cey Cey, I don't feel like pleasantries right now.
I go into Layla's office and close the door behind me, my sister raises her eyes and looks at me in amazement, she must have understood from my expression that something is wrong
- Ne oldu, what happened Sanem? -

I shake my head dejectedly - Nothing Layla, let's leave it at that, maybe it's better, at this point I'm starting to be fatalistic, I'm starting to think that it will be what it will be -

-What do you mean? Don't I understand you? What happened with Can? -

- Look Layla at this very moment I'm telling you I don't know what to think anymore, this morning he realised he doesn't have a car anymore because of the accident and he said that IF he decides to stay he'll have to think about getting another one, I'd say that says it all about the situation we're in at the moment right?

Layla brings her hand to her mouth obviously shocked by my words, she reaches a hand across the desk to rest it on mine - Sanem, he's confused, he doesn't know what to think, he remembers absolutely nothing about you and the last two years, it's normal that he's bewildered.
Be patient, give him time to recover, he just came out of a month-long coma a few days ago, it's legitimate that he's upset and disoriented by the situation.

I nod sighing, I say goodbye to her to join the others, I need to talk to Deren to take stock of the campaign for Essensturkish, the company to which we sold the formula of my creams and for which we are carrying out the advertising promotion for the launch of the new line soon.
I'd better distract myself with the work that must be so much considering that I've given up everything for more than a month to stay at the hospital with Can.

I step out into the corridor and see that Can is in the office with Aziz and Emre, they're laughing and seem happy to be together, I smile as I walk past to enter Deren's office, I'm glad he finds comfort in the affection of his loved ones. Deren brings me up to date on the latest sketches that have been made and for which the client has requested changes.

I put my armchair next to her behind the desk so that together we can look at the screen of her PC with the drafts being revised, when we hear a knock at the door, it's Can.

- I was looking for you Sanem, I wanted to ask you if you'd like to meet me and my father in the meeting room to take stock of the campaigns the agency is working on, just to understand what we're doing and especially what I was doing ... before -

- Before... -

There she is again, I make a smooch hearing her come back again.

-He wantS to go back to BEFORE with the work but at the same time he wants to be free to choose NOW what he wants to do in the FUTURE, did I understand correctly? -

I shift uncomfortably in my chair trying to ignore the voice in my head that once again just wants to confuse me more than I already am.
I ignore it and return to the present and above all I have to answer Can's request who is still looking at me questioningly.

- Yes, yes of course there is no problem go to the meeting room, Deren and I will join you soon, the time to print these drafts to look at together -

Can leaves us and Deren looks at me worriedly - Are you alright Sanem? You don't look comfortable, has something happened?

- No, don't worry Deren, send everything to the printer, they are waiting for us.

Can seems very focused on his work, curious especially about his role in the new campaign in which, not only is he in charge of the creative area but, since the agency is still in the recovery phase and we have to try to keep costs as low as possible, it was decided that he would be in charge of the photo shoot that would take place, in the first days of April, on the famous beach of Şile, on the Asian side of Istanbul, about 2 hours by car from the city centre.

He seems intent on resuming work as soon as possible, he asks which is his PC in the agency and asks to have all the drafts of the campaigns in progress, I invite him to follow me and I accompany him to the office we have chosen for us, after the reopening of the agency a couple of months before, in order to leave Aziz his old office.

He notices the two desks next to each other and looks at me, I nod imagining his thoughts - We had decided to work together in the same office, but if you want to be on your own I can easily move to the open space with Cey Cey or down in the archive -

Seeing his indecision once again destroys me, he is considering whether he wants me around or not and this is not easy for me to accept, I try to take him out of his embarrassment. I take from my desk the laptop that I usually use to work from home - Let's do this, for the moment it's my decision and I prefer to leave you alone to get familiar with the place and the work, don't worry I've always loved the archive so much, it has been my refuge for a long time, I prefer to work from there for now, görüşürüz see you - Having said this I leave the office hugging the notebook as if it was worth my life and I run down the stairs to close myself in the archive.

The tears press insistently, but I try to suppress them by breathing deeply, I don't want to cry, I promised myself to be strong, to be patient and accept everything that will come from him. I can't allow myself to feel sorry for myself, I have to give him time and space in the hope that his memory will come back or that... I don't know, I don't know what will happen, I can't even formulate in my mind what I hope, once again the voice in my head does it for me:

- Do you think he will ever fall in love with you again? -