Chapter 16

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Dear diary

Elena isn't upset with Stefan.

I stop writing. Why would I write that in my own diary. You know what no. No more Elena, no more Stefan or Damon. I rip out the page and throw it away. Let's start over.

Dear diary

I feel alone again. Depressing I know. I have no one. I've been distant with everyone and no one has seemed to notice. It's been a week at least, I haven't been keep up with time much. There's no need, I'm just being and not living.

But that's okay, because I can openly acknowledge that I'm not okay. And that's the first step isn't it? I'm not ready to ask for help yet.

I get out of bed, shower and get ready for the day. One look in the shower. "I'm Ivy Gilbert. I'm a fucking badass. Just smile and it'll trick your brain into thinking that you're fine." I say to myself in the mirror and smile.

A single tear falls down my cheek but I smile through it and wipe the tear away.

I go downstairs to have breakfast. I find Jenna and Elena talking about her car that was totalled. I try to care about the fact that my twin was in a car accident but I don't find any emotion. I simply pour myself a glass of juice and eat a slice of toast. I sit on the stool and look out the window. The weather doesn't look to bad.

"Why didn't you tell me Jenna?" Elena says.

"Your mom was gonna do it eventually. I never thought I'd have to."

"If my mom were here right now and I asked, she'd tell me the truth."

"Your dad was about to leave the office one night when this girl showed up. She was sixteen, a runaway, and about to give birth. He delivered her twins, and he gave her a place to stay, but a few days later, she disappeared. And there you both were. Your parents were trying so hard to have a baby. I-it just wasn't happening. All Miranda ever wanted was to be a mom." Wait? What?

The glass falls out of my hand and it breaks on the floor. The juice splashes all over the ground. Jenna and Elena finally acknowledge my presence.

"Ivy I didn't see you-"

"Shut up." I snap at Elena. "When were you going to tell me?" My eyes become blurry. I'm Ivy Gilbert. I'm a fucking badass. Just smile and it'll trick your brain into thinking that you're fine. Didn't I say that to myself not an hour ago.

I want to shout but my mouth feels dry. I blink but the ground starts to spin and I can't breath. I just want to curl up and be alone. But I have to know the truth.

They don't speak. they just stare at me.

I'm Ivy Gilbert.

"When did you find out?"

I'm Ivy Gilbert.

Silence

"Elena..." I warn and start to glare at her. My chest feels tight and my breathing becomes more erratic.

"Ivy you need to calm down you're having a-"

"Answer my God damn question!" I shout.

I'm Ivy Gilbert. No I'm just Ivy. I'm adopted and I have no parents.

I take a step to my sister but my leg wobbles. I can't handle the weight of my body and I fall. I feel the coldness of the dark and surrender to it. Better to stay in the dark then face the reality that I'm just Ivy.

•••

I wake up to the sound of bumping. I'm laying in an unfamiliar bed with uncomfortable clothing. I look around and notice that I'm in the hospital. Alone.

Figures I'd be alone. That's when I feel the tears start to flow, my eyes and nose starts to burn. I feel a lump start to form in my throat and I can't help it anymore. I sob and scream. I'm adopted and my sister never bothered to tell me.

My family nor my friends came to see me in the hospital. The nurses rush to my side, to try and calm me down but I lose it.

I try to get out of bed, I rip out the intravenous infusion. "Let me go!" I scream, but they don't listen. They inject me with a sedative and I feel my body falling asleep. Before I black out, I see them. I see the worried expressions of my family and friends. Of course they would be here to witness my break down.

The drugs work fast because they are all wearing 50's clothing and they all look stupid. I manage to laugh but it sounds more like a cough. "You...look...stupid" and I black out.

•••

The next time I wake up the doctor is present. The doctor tells me that I had a severe panic attack and that I could see a therapist. I respectful decline. No way can I explain what I'm going through to a doctor.

"Before you go doctor, don't notify my family that I'm being discharged. I just need some time to myself." He nods and leaves me alone. I better get used to it and start to enjoy it somehow.

I leave the hospital and head home. Hopeful it's empty and I can just nap and possibly cry.

 Hopeful it's empty and I can just nap and possibly cry

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