Ness' Comet

Ch 53: Cry

I made a point to avoid everyone the next day. I woke up especially early, not that I could sleep very well the night before. I spent most of it crying and then the rest of it hoping by sheer exhaustion I would pass out, but apparently the universe decided to be even more unkind. A part of my wanted to tell myself I was overreacting. However, the other parts of me really couldn't let this go. It was agonizing to me that after revealing how I felt about Jacob, a person I'd loved and trusted my whole life, he only feels that way about me because of some bizarre wolf connection that neither of us could control? None of it was real! The worst part of it was that I was both angry with Jacob, but yearned for him. Mostly because whenever I was upset, I usually went to Jacob!
I threw a piece of toast in my mouth and made a to-go cup of coffee before sprinting out the door before my parents could hear me. I knew they weren't asleep so I had to get in and out of there before they decided we needed to "talk." I didn't want to talk to them. I didn't want to talk to anybody. I hopped into the car and cranked up the radio as loud as it would go, not even bothering to care what station was playing, and drove myself to school. It was absurdly early, so of course nobody was in the parking lot. Luckily this meant that I could snag the best parking space. I decided it was better to sit in the car and be alone with my thoughts for a while before people started showing up. I reread our assigned book The Scarlet Letter, even though I was already finished with it, just to have something to preoccupy myself. Poor Hester was a fool in love too! Branded like I apparently was, only my mark was invisible, and the only one shaming me was myself. I forced myself not to cry, and was determined to have a normal day at school. I also was determined to find an excuse to not be home this weekend. I realized how desperately I needed someone to talk to.
When the time became more appropriate, I walked inside and shambled to my first class. I was grateful for being generally quiet in all my classes unless forced to be otherwise, because nobody would think anything of my silence. I sketched aimlessly in my notebook rather than take notes. I couldn't bring myself to care. After a few classes, I decided to hunt Lizzie down before we had to go to lunch with a bunch of other people. Luckily, I found her.

"Liz!" I called, and she immediately turned with a smile.

"Hey!" She said cheerily, before noticing the less than happy expression on my face. "What's wrong?" Her voice was full of genuine concern, which warmed me.

I let out a breath, but before I could say anything my eyes involuntarily began to tear up. I immediately tried to wipe them away and breath.

"Hey, hey!" Lizzie whispered. "Come here," she gestured me towards the girls bathroom. I hid my face, angry with myself for breaking down. I had been holding myself so well up to this point the whole day!

"I'm sorry," I stuttered, feeling foolish.

"Don't you ever apologize for crying!" Exclaimed Lizzie, though in hushed tones. I wondered why the bathroom was so empty until I heard the period bell.

"Oh no," I murmured. "We're late."

Lizzie rolled her eyes. "It's lunch, we don't have to be there on time. Please tell me why you're like this!?"

I sniffled and wiped my cheeks. Quickly she rushed to grab me some toilet paper to use as tissue.

"Thank you," I murmured and took a breath.
"Can I ask you a favor?"

Lizzie looked surprised by my question but nodded. "Of course!" She exclaimed. "What do you need?"

"Are you around this weekend?"

Once again I surprised her. "Yeah," she said tentatively. "What are you trying to get away from?"

I waved my hand exasperatedly. "This isn't the place the talk about that." I gave her a look that made clear what I meant by that. She understood instantly.

"Oh," she said quietly. "Okay. Did you want to sleep over?"

I nodded. "Is that okay?"

She threw me a "are you seriously asking me that?" Look, her hands on her hips and her mouth in a crooked line. I gave a light chuckle.
"It actually works out because my moms working nights the one weekend so we basically have the house to ourselves. You wanna come Friday with me after school?"

"That would be fantastic," I said, my voice full of relief. "Can you pick me up for school so I'm not leaving my car anywhere?"

She nodded. "Yeah that's fine. Do you think you're okay to go to lunch?"

"Yeah," I said, pulling myself together. "I don't know what came over me. I'm just dealing with a lot right now."

Lizzie pulled me in for a comforting hug. "You're allowed to have moments Ness, everyone does. Even if you're going through a 'unique' situation! More so actually!"

"Okay," I replied, grateful to have her company. I was extremely glad that even if Lizzie didn't know everything, she knew enough where a huge burden felt lifted off my shoulders. It was exhausting keeping everything so secretive and having not a friend in the world to talk to about it. It used to be Jacob, but ever since he became tangled in this whole mess, I couldn't talk to him the same. Especially now, when he's the problem itself! I didn't know what I was going to do or how I was going to tip toe around certain details when I talked to Lizzie about this, but I didn't want to think about that right now. All I could do was wipe away my tears, and March stoically down to lunch.