Ness' Comet

Ch 79: Close

I had to admit I surprised myself. Maybe all that time in Europe did change me because my natural instinct would have been to avoid Jacob after what had happened. All I could think about was how I both desperately wanted something like that to happen again, but also desperately didn't want that to happen again. But, shockingly I didn't allow myself to be so cowardly. I saw Jacob a couple times before I knew the rest of the Cullens would be arriving, though I never let myself be alone with him again, especially in a particularly intimate space. He and I never did talk about what I meant when I said he didn't know everything I'd done in Italy. It was probably better for the both of us if it stayed that way. He understood my implication and didn't need me to go into detail. He was understandably very jealous but he didn't have an actual reason to be upset with me since we weren't together. I wasn't sorry because there was no way I was coming back after ten years with no sexual experience under my belt. I wasn't a particularly overly sexual person, it just wasn't in me, but that didn't mean I wasn't curious. However, something about being near Jacob was overwhelming at times. He made me feel things I'd only ever heard about and I wasn't sure how I felt in that regard. It was more scary than anything.

"So," said Lizzie to me one afternoon. She and I were hanging out while Jacob was at work and Seth was out doing whatever Seth does. Finally Lizzie had a day off. She actually ended up writing a decently successful vampire novel while I was away and made enough money to stay home most of the time. I read the book and couldn't help but laugh through the whole thing. Clearly she had taken inspiration from those close to her.

"Yes?" I replied, dreading what I knew she was going to bring up.

"Why are things so weird with Jacob?"

I gave her an "are you serious?" Kind of look but she dismissed it.

"I mean, why are you guys still so distant? Wouldn't you have patched things up by now?"

I sighed. "Liz, I haven't truly seen him in ten years, and there are a lot of things I went through overseas that he just doesn't know about. We're not the same people. There's still a lot to figure out."

She pressed her lips together and nodded.

"Besides," I murmured. "We haven't been as distant as you think," my voice trailed off.

Her eyes widened. "Oh?"

I smirked. "Yeah. And let's leave it there."

She stared at me, bemused. "Mm hm. So you two have..."

I shook my head. "No, not like that. We were close but not that close."

"Why not?"

"Lizzie!"

"I'm just saying why not? You know from experience you don't have to be weird about sleeping with people. Maybe if you just did it, there would be less tension between you." She suggested casually, as though we were talking about something completely mundane.

I rolled my eyed. "Because Liz, it's different with him. I can't explain it."

She huffed. "Fine. But I just hate seeing you like this. Clearly you want to be together so why don't you?"

"Because,"

"Because it's 'complicated'" she finished my sentence. "Dude, I was imprinted on too you know."

I always forgot about that fact. Lizzie and Seth were together but I could never remember consciously that she was kind of in a similar position.

"Yes," I said cautiously, trying to find the right words. "But it's different for you. Besides, you've had ten years with Seth. And the last time I was with Jacob and thought I was in love with him, I was still a kid!"

She sighed. "I know that. But sometimes we can't overthink things like this. You get in your own head too much, which is weird for someone who grew up with a mind reader for a dad."

I chuckled. "Well, so much of mine and my dads conversations were done in our heads so maybe that's the reason?"

She shrugged. "I dunno dude, I still don't always fully grasp this whole supernatural thing. I actually forget Seth is a werewolf a lot of the time. The only time I would be reminded was when he would go with Jacob tracking those two weirdos who kidnapped you."

"Seth would go with Jacob?"

"Yeah," she answered as though that were obvious. "Sometimes. Seth is still a part of Jacob's pack."

I bobbed my head, trying to hold back how actually worried and upset I was. I didn't want Jacob to be invested in this, let alone Seth. I knew the werewolves were more than capable of fighting vampires, but I wanted that chapter of my life and everyone else's to be finished. I hadn't convinced Jacob to drop it and I didn't have the courage to bring it up again, not with the other tension between us.

"Hey," said Lizzie, sensing my discomfort. "Don't worry about it. You also worry too much." She tried to sound lighthearted, sipping her coffee.

I nodded just so I didn't have to get into it with her, but I knew this wouldn't be the last time Vladimir and Stefan were brought to everyone's attention.