I swear fealty to you (Clexa fanfic)

Part 42

Lexa POV:

I watched as Clarke fell back asleep. I didn't. I couldn't because she had untied the rope that kept me at bay and I didn't want to hurt her again so I didn't want to go back to sleep.

I saw as the sun starting to come up and the sky started to change to warmer colors.

I got out of bed slowly and listened to my surroundings. The house was quiet, really quiet.

Nobody was awake yet and I'm pretty sure Abby was at work. I quietly went outside and watched the sunrise. I hadn't done that in a while. I would have gone for a run or worked out but I don't physically think I could. Plus, Abby and Clarke would kill me if they found out.

Let out a sigh into the open air. Not only was my father still out there somewhere, ready to beat my ass or kill me if he wants, but he also wants Clarke, Luna and Raven along with me. And he was angry, so angry. Angrier than I have ever seen him and that is saying something.

I couldn't let that happen to them. I couldn't let him touch them but I also couldn't bring myself to leave them again. It is selfish I know, but I can't stop it.

I closed my eyes and thought about what had happened that week. It was one hell of a week that's for sure. Well more specifically, what I didn't tell anyone and what I didn't want to believe myself.

*Flashback*

I was walking through the icy lands of the place they had called Azgeda. I had never been here before but I already knew I didn't like it. Something about the air that just made the bait on the back of my neck stand up.

I had a hood from my sweatshirt over my head and a hat to prevent anyone from seeing my identity or the bruises I had forming all over my face and body.

I had just arrived and I wasn't sure what I was doing or where exactly I was going. I just had to keep moving, that's all I knew.

I saw a pub and just at the sight, my body ached to sit down, to rest for just a bit. So I went inside to get out off the streets and ease my bodies tension.

There were so many people in there, stacked together while sweat and body odor filled the room. It was disgusting but exactly what I needed for cover. They were mostly large men but they all had tattoos and scaring all over their bodies. Odd. I wonder what goes on here where they have to do this to themselves.

I just sat down at the bar that was already crowded with people and ordered a drink. The bartender handed me a drink and I grabbed it, without even looking at her and I drank the whole thing, quickly.

My body relaxed as the alcohol corded through my veins, numbing some of the pain into dullness. It felt good not to have to think about that anymore.

I looked around the bar in more detail while I sat there until my eyes fell on the bartender who served me my drink. I didn't look at her before, when she poured me my drink but I felt like I knew her. As soon as I made eye contact with her I bolted out of the building faster than I ever have before. No, I can't do this, not now.

When I got outside I put my back against the wall and my legs fell to the floor, my chest breathing hard and my heart thumping loudly in my chest. There is no way it was her, I repeated in my head over and over again. But the doubt started to seep in.