I swear fealty to you (Clexa fanfic)

Part 13

Clarke POV:

I walked home only thinking about one thing. Lexa. I smiled at the ground as I walked, think about her. She was so beautiful and she was only in her practice jersey. But the way her hair was up in a messy ponytail, her face with the smallest amount of sweat on it, every part of her was just perfect. Gosh Clarke those were creepy thoughts.

"Woah" I told myself coming to a stop in my walk. Why was I thinking of her like that. Something was different in my view of her. I always thought she was pretty but now, my heart jumped at the sight of her. "Jeez, do I have a thing for Lexa Woods?" I asked myself. I'm not exactly sure.

It was so confusing. I walked through the door into a dark house, my mom must've taken the night shift at the hospital again. If I had known that I would've stayed with Lexa a little bit longer, and watched her a little bit more. That was creepy Clarke stop.

That was something I was trying to do more, pay attention to everything. It was something Lexa had mentioned in one of our earlier meetings. "Because I pay attention" she said. "well it's kinda creepy" is all I could say and I was right. But it made me pay attention more to her movements more. How deeply green and beautiful her eyes are and how when you look far enough into them you can see the true emotion she was feeling. How when she was upset, her hands would form a tight fist as she would place them behind her back, concealing them. How there was an actual, yet slight difference between her fake smile and real smile.

All of that and more I had learned about her. It was amazing how well I had gotten to know her. We haven't known each other for that long but it feels like we have been friends for years. Did I want that? Friends? Or did I want more? Damn, I'm not sure. I just couldn't get her out of my head.

Even when I tried to focus on my homework, that brown haired girl with emerald green eyes took over my whole brain, and my heart. Wait, so was I right, was there more than friendship? "NO CLARKE" I literally yelled at myself. "Focus on the biology right in front of you." See I can do this.

I was just starting to focus on my work before my phone rang. "Dammit I was in the zone" I yelled at my phone as I turned it over to see it was Lexa. My heart instantly leaped out of my chest. I picked up the phone and said "hey Lex-" before I was cut off by her panicking voice.

"Clarke-, I can't- I need help" she pleaded from the phone. "Lexa slow down what happened?" I asked her, getting up from my bed but trying to remain as calm as possible. "I got home and he was there. Clarke it was bad." She whispered, frightened that she would be heard. "Your dad?" I asked her. Of course Clarke, who else, I'm such an idiot. "Yeah, it was bad again and I went up to my room after and the glass was there. Clarke I need help" she begged.

My heart was racing, I wanted more than anything to make it better but I was so confused and didn't know what to do. "Wait, the glass, Lexa what?" I asked. "The piece of broken glass I used to cut my arm. I want to do it again, I really want to but you told me not to and I still have it in my hand and I'm tempted to do it but I called you instead and I don't know what to do." She said frantically and really fast I almost missed what she was actually saying. I had to calm myself down. I couldn't freak her out anymore than she already was. "Clarke I want to feel the pain again." She said. "Lexa ok, wait" I said very calmly but I was freaking out a lot as I paced my room.

"Ok Lexa, listen to my voice. Take a deep breath. In and out," I said and I listened to her staggered breathing start to slow as she followed my instructions. "Ok not put the glass down and cover it with something so you can't see it" I said and silence overtook the call, the only sound being Lexa's breathing. "Ok" she finally said.

"Ok Lexa, sit down and stop pacing" there was no way I could've known that but somehow I just did. "Clarke- I'm scared." She whispered into the phone. "Please, I need you."

I had never seen her like this. I had seen her upset but her voice sounded so broken. It sounded like she was in so much pain. I wanted to help her, I needed to help her. "Ok Lexa, focus on your breathing." "I am going to come and get you and you will stay the night with me. My mom is out so don't worry about that, get a few things together but focus on your breathing. I will be there as soon as possible" I grabbed my car keys and headed down stairs but not before I heard a quiet "thank you Clarke" from the line. "Of course" I responded before hanging up the phone and running to my car.

I drove to her house, and I drove fast. I'm pretty sure I broke a few laws on the way but I didn't care. Lexa's voice was so scared, it stuck with me through my whole car ride. I pulled up to her house. Well, I actually pulled up on the other side of the road so it looked like I pulled to their neighbors house instead. I remember what she told me about her dad and I didn't want to cause anymore trouble for her.

I texted her saying I was here and got out of the car. I didn't go up to the house but I stood next to my car. I saw her sneak out of her house, closing the door behind her ever so gently. She stared at the road before locking onto me. After she did she ran and flung herself into my arms, tears rolling down her face. I wasn't quite expecting it. "Thank you for coming," she said into my neck. "Always" I told her, pulling away from the hug to look at her face.

She had bruises and cuts on her face and body. I needed to patch those up, but not right now. Right now we needed to leave. We got into the car and I drove straight to my house. Lexa sat the whole ride with her face in her hands not saying a word. I don't blame her, she seemed so terrified.

We arrived to my house and got out of the car. We approached the door and walked in, my mom was obviously still at work. I grabbed her hand and led her up the stairs. Just like I had done before, I put her on my bed and got my supplies to patch her up.

I sat down in front of her but before I did anything I looked at her and broke the silence that we had sat in since the car ride. "Lexa, talk to me. I'm here to help" I said and she just looked at me. "I'm scared Clarke, before when I cut myself, I did it to feel the sting and see the blood but this time- this time was different." She told me. I grabbed her hand and said "how was it different?" Tears formed in her eyes as she said "I- I wanted to end it" she said. Now I was really confused. "End what Lexa" tears were now pouring from her eyes. "My life" she said, tears falling heavily from her eyes.

I wasn't expecting that. My heart was racing and tears started to form in my own eyes. I pulled her into a tight hug. I was speechless, I had no idea how to react or what to say, so we fell back into the silence. I patched up the cut in her lip, likely from the punches to her face, and another cut on the palm of her hand, which I could only hope was from squeezing the glass to hard.

I put ice to her cheek, not even a flinch. I forgot how pain resistant she was. I needed to ask her a question, I didn't know how to ask it, it was not exactly a light question either. "Lexa," I finally said, packing away some supplies. "What made you not do it." She looked at me and said "you" without even needing time to think.

"Me?" I said confused. "Yes, I was about to do it when your face flashed through my head, I didn't want to leave you, I wanted to stay for you." She said looking down at the floor. "Then I remembered what you told me to do when I was about to hurt myself, I grabbed my phone and called you"

I cupped my hands around her face, bringing her gaze to my eyes. "Thank you" I said, the look on her face turned to confusion. "I need you here with me" I said again. This caused more tears to fall down both of our faces. "Don't you dare give up on me ok?" I said. "I won't" she responded pulling me into another hug.

I rested my forehead against hers before finally pulling away. "Lay back Lexa, you should get some rest." I told her as she laid back onto my bed. She almost instantly dozed off. I got up and put my stuff away, I changed my clothes before bringing in a mattress for me to sleep on.

As I walked in the room again. Lexa's eyes were slightly opened and I could see the sleepiness pulling her under. She reached out for my hand as I passed by and said "stay with me." I smiled slightly and did as she wished. I crawled into my bed, right next to her. By that time, she was already falling back asleep. I wrapped my arm around her and she placed her head on my chest, as we both fell into a deep sleep.