Chapter 19

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TRIGGER WARNING:
Mentions: Depression, Grief, and Self-Harm

TimeSkip: 2 weeks later

Kenma's Pov:

I was fully healed from my surgery now. I had just posted a video and Kuroo was in the shower. I looked at some of my comments and I rolled my eyes. I didn't tell Kuroo but 2 days ago I did something he probably wouldn't have liked. He walked out the shower and his smell was aggressive. I put my phone down and looked at him.

"Kuro? Y-your smell."

"Kenma... I- I know."

"Know?"

"Please- please don't act dumb."

I flinched as I saw a tear go tone his cheek. I gulped and he walked towards me. I stood up and bit my lip.

"K-kuro please don't cry... I'm sorry."

"Just let me them."

I handed him my wrist and I looked away from his glaze. He rolled up my sleeve and his breath hitched. He seemed to be holding his breath and took off the bandages on my wrist. He let out a shaking sighed and touched my scars slightly. I winced and tugged my arm back. 

"S-sorry."

"Sorry? Is that it?"

"...Y-yeah"

"I- I'm sorry... I just. I'm sorry."

"Kitten, can you tell me why you did this. I know that you usually do this as a final resort."

"I... can't handle it..."

"You mean the grief right, you still blame yourself even though I told you it's not your fault."

"Mhm."

He gave me a hug and kissed my forehead. I cried in his chest. After a while he gently grabbed my arm. He put he bandage back on there and slid my sleeve down. 

"I can tell you weren't trying to anything life threating right? Just to take off some of the feeling."

"Y-yeah."

"Did it work this time?"

"No..."

"Thought so..."

"Y-your not mad at me are you?"

"No... I'm not mad just a little surprised..."

"Surprised?"

"Yeah, I thought you stopped doing this. The second time scared the shit out of me, so I thought it scared you into not doing this again."

"S-sorry."

 "Gosh I just wanna hold you forever."

Flashback: In highschool

"Come on Kenma we're going to be late."

"I'm trying to beat this level Kuroo."

"Do I have to drag you there."

"Maybe."

He grabbed my arm and pulled me. I dropped my game and winced. I cried and he let go of me. I started sweating and he walked towards me. I picked up my ds and I saw my scars start to bleed. Kuroo's glare was on me and I gulped.

"Kenma show me your wrist."

"I- um."

"That wasn't a question, let me see."

"No..."

"P-please?"

"I... just- please don't be mad at me."

"I won't be mad, I just want to see."

I lifted my sleeve and showed him the cuts I made 3 days ago. His eyes widened and he took off his bookbag. It was completely silent between us and I started crying. He put an alcohol wipe on my scars and I winced. He then put a bandage on them and put my sleeve back down. He didn't say anything after that and I gulped. I turned on my game and followed Kuroo. I wiped my tears and I noticed that we were heading home. 

"P-please don't tell anybody... especially my mom she'll worry to much."

"Well she has the right to worry Kenma."

".... A-are you going to tell her?"

"No... It's not my job to. Was that your first time, you know, cutting yourself."

"Y-yeah.."

"Did it help with whatever you're going through?"

"N-no."

"Thought so..."

"Thank you Kuro... I-I'm sorry."

"It's okay kitten, I'll call you after I finish my homework."

"Eh- I TOLD YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT!"

Back to the present:

"H-how did you know..."

"I woke up and saw you... I just wanted to confront you when I was ready."

We were laying on the couch now. I was sitting on his lap and he was holding me. He kissed my cheek a couple of times. I leaned back on his chest. Kuroo had his arms tight around my waist. I was definitely flustered, he was more affectionate this time.

Flashback: In college
Kuroo's Pov:

I heard screaming and something drop. Kenma was over at my house and he was in the bathroom. I heard the screaming coming from there. I ran to the bathroom door and walked inside, not really worried if he was naked or not. 

"Ah, fuck Kuro I cut a vein."

"A vein?"

He showed me a deep cut on his arm. It was scary deep and I saw the knife on the ground. My breath hitched and Kenma looked up at me.

"C-can you take me to the hospital please... it's swelling up."

"Right."

I picked him up as he held the cut. The doctor told us it was nothing bad and bandage it up. They made Kenma go to mental hospital three days later. It was really hard to focus in college with my bestfriend in a mental hospital for 2 weeks. 

Back to the Present:

Kenma is somebody I really care about. I knew about his depression, in my second year of high school. I know it peaked maybe in college or his 3rd year in high school when I wasn't with him but I still talked to him everyday. I realized he fell asleep in my lap and I sighed. I had the urge to cry and I picked him up. I put him on the bed and he whined once I put him down. I laid down beside him and he started to purr. I sighed and he faced me. He was wide awake and he was blushing. He got on top of me and touched my scent glance. 

"Hm what are you doing kitten. M-my scent glance is pretty sensitive to you know."

"S-sorry."

"You alright, you seem off?"

"I have a doctors appointment tomorrow."

"Oh. Is my kitten nervous."

"A little."

"Awwww you're so cute."

"S-shut up."

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