As Long As I Am With You

38

(Please play the video above for better reading experience!)

I stared out of the window, trying to distract myself. Thank God there aren't that much of people in the plane, I look really bad right now. My whole face is swollen, my body hurts so much. I pressed the back of my hand on my lips as I quivered, tears rolled down my cheeks continuously.

I shook my head, I wiped the tears. I closed my eyes and clenched my jaw. I sobbed quietly. I miss him, so much. The moments we had flashed in my mind.

I took a deep breath and looked around to see if there's anyone looking at me, I sat properly when I saw no one. I unbuckled my seat belt and stood up. I went inside the washroom and rinsed my face. I took my make-up off and stared at myself. The water was dripping off from my face. I took few paper towels and dabbed it on my face, I hiccuped while doing so. I wore my mask and got out of the washroom.

I walked myself to my seat quietly, I sat back down. I closed my eyes and scrunched my nose. I was so tired that I drifted to sleep.

-

I opened my eyes when I heard the announcement that we just arrived. I waited for the plane to stop moving, I grabbed all of my things and got out of the plane. I claimed my baggage and took the cab. I honestly did not smile to people today, most of them greeted me with a smile on their faces. I don't have the energy, I feel bad though. I hope they don't think I'm a mean bitch. I'm just so exhausted.

I arrived outside of my apartment building, I paid the driver and got off. I went inside my apartment and took a hot bath. I soaked myself and my mind just went blank. I stared at the wall, I remembered I have some of my things in his place. I waited for about an hour and stood up. I dried myself and blow dried my hair. I wore a simple outfit and wore my bonnet.

I was about to step out when something popped in my mind. Cassette. I sighed and rummaged through my things. I took the box with me and left my place. I went to the subway station and in less than fifteen minutes. I got there, I pulled out the spare key Apollo gave to me. I took the elevator and unlocked the door. I pressed my lips into a thin line and got in. I looked around, this place never looked dead until now. The atmosphere feels different. I placed the box on the couch, and walked myself to his room. The smell of his room hit me, I looked around. I got my things and my eyes landed on the cassette tape player that was resting on his table. I put my things down and got the box on my hands. I opened it carefully and pulled the first one.

VD 1

My eyebrows crossed and shrugged it off, I put it in and pressed the play button. It started playing, my heart started to beat loud when I heard him speak.

"Voice Diary one. Hello, it's me. Your funny handsome boy Apollo." He happily said. I smiled bitterly and let out a tired giggle. "I probably look so dumb right now, talking to myself and all that" he added. I started playing with my fingers.

"I don't know what to talk about, ah fuck. Hmm.." he said letting out a sigh. "I woke up in the morning yeah and I decided to go to the nearest coffee shop" he said quietly. I listened while sitting on his chair. I rested my chin on my hands. "I always make my coffee in the morning but I was really REALLY lazy" he chuckled. I closed my eyes while listening to him. It felt like he's beside me, talking about how his day went.

"so I got in the coffee shop, then I thought the girl who took my order looked really cute" he said. My eyes opened, I started to bite my nails. "Then she told me I looked familiar- BRO I thought she's my classmate or something" he said. I can imagine him running his fingers through his hair.

"Long story short, I had a crush on her. Shit, that was cheesy, eurgh" he added. I giggled on my seat and smiled. "Since then I don't make my coffee in the morning cuz I go there" he said.

"OH-her name's Winter. Really pretty, right?" He said. I smiled while pouting, tears started to form in my eyes. He yawned, "It's pretty late now, gotta go to bed. Goodnight" he stopped recording. I bit my lip and took the cassette out, I put it back in the box and fished the other one. VD 2.

I inserted it to the player and played it, "Voice Diary two. Hello, it's me again. I finally had the courage to get her number. I'm pretty good at pick up lines, damn never knew that would work" he clapped his hands, I clapped my hands with him.

"She's pretty cool, I like her"

"Also watching her make my coffee makes my day from some reason I don't know am I too weird?" He asked.
My chin trembled, tears started to roll down my face. "She's just so beautiful, how can someone be that gorgeous? God" he grinned.

"No, you are" I said and wiped the tears. "Ethan thought she was cute too, but I know he ain't serious" he added. Oh, yeah I remember him asking if I'm single, then I saw Apollo looking at me with a smile on his face. Damn, good days. "Anyway, seeing her makes my day a lot better" the audio ended.

I did the same thing and played the third one, "Voice Diary 3, yes you prolly know who I am. Hello. This day's going so well, man." He said, proudly.

"She went to Texas, and her best friend and I are pretty good buddies now"

"Winter came back and NEVER knew she would come by and visit the bar" he said. "She gave me a lyre necklace-Yup I said what I said" he chuckled.

"I was chilling outside the balcony then she came up to me and she was shy, she looked so cute" he giggled. I sniffed and wiped the tears with my palm. "Then we got to know each other, it was really awesome." He added.

"I never thought someone like her will show up to my shitty life"

I sat there for about two hours, just listening to his voice. Every tape was all about me, and us. I never expected them to be like this, I was completely clueless of what these tapes are all about. This is the best Christmas gift I got in my whole entire life. I finally made it to the second to the last tape.

"Voice Diary..... something I lost the count." He whispered, I heard myself groan from the background, my eyebrows crossed. Was that me or just a random noise?

"Anyway I'm whispering cuz my beautiful girlfriend's sleeping right next to me" he chuckled softly. I turned around and stared at his empty bed. He was recording this? While I was asleep? How come did I not hear him? I heard myself snore from the background. I rested my forehead on my arms, facing the floor.

"You heard that? Yeah, it's her. She's so beautiful even while sleeping" he said and heard him giving me a tiny peck to I don't know where. I assume it's on my forehead.

"Watashi wa, anata o aishiteimasu, Winter" (I love you, Winter.) He said softly. My lips parted, "I learned this Japanese phrase few weeks ago, I don't know if I said it right though" he let out a sigh followed by a chuckle.

"I still can't believe she's mine"

The tape ended there, I took it out and grabbed the last cassette tape. I played it and covered my face with my hands. "Voice diary something.. I've decided to give the tapes to Winter."

"I don't know what to get her for Christmas. So baby if you're listening.." he paused. I bit my lower lip letting out a huge breath. "Merry Christmas, and Happy New Years" he greeted softly. I never heard him say that. My heart felt like it was stabbed.

"I know you're listening and I want you to know that I love you so fucking much" he added. There was a long silence, "Say it back, I can't hear you" he joked. "Still can't hear you~" he teased.

"I love you too" I cried, my whole body shivered and my head was pounding. The sound of his voice makes me miss him so much.
My thighs and fingers trembled so much.

"I LOVE YOU MORE" he cut me off, feels like he's here. His goofy side, fuck I miss him so much it hurts.
"Also keep in mind that I'm here for you no matter what." He added.

"I love you, I always will" He said and that's how the last tape ended. I cried even more. I just realized I told him the same thing before I left.

I took all my strength together and left his place. I headed home and jumped on the bed without changing my clothes, I laid there lifeless, like a doll. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. I closed my eyes and everything went pitch black as I drifted to sleep.