Since Day One

Twenty Four

Since Day One, I'm soft when it comes to you... 

Kalen Angelo Avilla 

"SAFFIRA!" I know that she shout my name buy why are they calling her? And there's a car coming to us and what happen? 

I look at Alli and she is looking at my back looking shock. I follow her because I feel sorry to her and I feel like I owe her explanation dahil nadamay siya sa buhay namin ni Saffira.

"Are you okay?" tanong ko sa kanya. I don't really know what happen but someone push us. Instead of answering me she point my back and when I look back my world turn upside down. 

"No, it's not her." I said to myself and I heard Alli cried so hard together with the others. 

"Saffira! Oh my god! Tumawag na kayo ng ambulansya dalian niyo na!" Raiven shouted at lumapit kay Saffira na puno na ng dugo.

I want to come near her but I can't move. Hindi ko siya kayang lapitan dahil pakiramdam ko pag nilapitan ko siya lalo pa siyang masasaktan. 

"Saffira!" 

"Kalen!" Napatingin ako sa tumawag sa'kin at nakita kong si Nigel yun na nasa tabi ko na. Alli is already standing at inaalalayan na ni Red. 

"My diamond. Why?" I whisper and took courage to walk to her. Pero hindi pa man ako nakakalapit nagsalita na agad si Raiven and what she said stop me. 

"Hanggang diyan ka lang, wag kang lalapit dahil para sa'kin ikaw ang dahilan bakit nangyari 'to! You are always pushing her away but why did she choose to save you and that girl? Sana naman Kalen ngayon maisip mo na kung gaano ka kahalaga kay Saffira." she said at wala na akong nagawa. 

The ambulance came at sinakay na nila doon si Saffira at kami naman ni Alli sa isa dahil nagdudugo na pala yung siko ko at yung tuhod ko pero hindi ko man lang naramdaman. Seeing her like that makes me feel numb. 

Yes, I want her to stay away from me but not that way! I want her to stay away from me because it's always make me want to forgive her. Hindi ko na naman matutupad yung sinabi ko sa sarili ko bago ako bumalik dito. I will not forgive her anymore. 

But every damn time that she will smile at me and come near me I'm always ended up being soft to her. And every time she will get hurt I am cursing myself because I want to protect her. 

Alam ko sa sarili ko na hindi ko na siya mahal that I already move on from loving her since we're 10 but damn it. I'm lying to myself. 

I want to hear her answer to my question. I want her to tell me what she feels toward me. Umamin ako sa kanya noon knowing that I will lose what we have but it didn't happen because I can't lose Saffira that is why I told him to give me my answer when we turn 18 para naman kahit papano kung mawawala man ang meron  kami at least I have a time to spend with her. That is enough. 

I act cold to her knowing that I know that she will got hurt. But I always remember Tito Daniel's words to me. 

"Kalen, I know that you will never leave Saffira but I want her to learn to live without being dependent to you, I want you to teach her that. Nakakatakot iwan ang anak kong yun dahil alam kong hindi niya kakayanin that is why I want you to teach her how to face everything on her own without thinking of you." 

And I remember that when she pushes me away saying every hurtful words na sa ibang tao ko lang naririnig. For me every words that comes out to Saffira's mouth is so important to me but when she said all those words to me doon na ako bumigay. 

Masakit marinig mula sa kanya yung mga salitang sa ibang tao ko naririnig. Kung sa iba kaya ko pa e pero pag sa kanya na nanggaling  bibigay talaga ako.