The Augury

Part 62

[Mbali]

I packed my car outside my house  and ran my hands on my face and breath out loud, I have lost so much this year my self-control and nearly my life, even went as far as putting innocent people in harm's way,
I know what I have to do, but it's so hard to break away from that dark cloud that has consumed me.

I feel so lost and so alone, but that's my doing, by pushing people away that are important to me. The only person to blame is me for making poor choices and ultimately paying the price for my screw-ups, but I can't help myself from making those same mistakes over and over again.

" I didn't know who to call"

I said looking outside the window I feel my eyes sting, I rubbed my nose and sniff
Her:  talk to me what's wrong?"
Me: I messed up LT, what I thought was wrong turned out to be right what's right turned to be wrong, my actions are destroying so many lives, I don't know how to fix this "

Right now the feeling in the pit of my stomach is so strong just the thought of What Nomcebo said made me realize the truth about my actions I was too adamant in proving myself to the world that I can handle anything that I lost my self along the way. This is what they call a person who miss used his power or their gift. The very same thing my mom warned me about.

" With great power comes great responsibility Mbali use your gift wisely " my mother would say,

The quickening of my breath makes my chest hurt, the feeling of my heart dropping in my stomach as if I'm going to pass out. My hands start to shake and become sweaty, this right here is the moment of realization that I messed up, the moment I realize that I was wrong, and I screwed up. The pride I once had is misplaced with guilt, shame, Loss of Confidence, Disappointment, Nervousness, Anger, Sadness, Adrenaline, in the worst way.  It's a snowball of emotions coming at me like a freight train. I feel a tear run down my cheeks.

Her: hay hay don't you dare cry on me!! do you hear me ?, Take a deep breath Mbali, I know this isn't easy. You may sit there and wallow, and let the guilt eat you alive. Your mind is racing with thoughts of "What have I done? Why did I do that? What could I have done?" Emotionally, you're beaten down. You may even feel physically ill, like every thought of the situation makes you want to throw up. You may worry if the world hates you, or if you can never fix it"

Me: LT I'm scared I really am... I opened a can of worms and angazi what to do I created unnecessary wars by fighting wars, that were not even mine to fight, I did not listen to no one they told me I was going to get barned I wanted to prove to mom that I can handle my calling, but turns out that I went about it the wrong way and I tempered with the balance  "

Her: look sis I know you feel like shit right now but we all learn from our mistake,  Being told that you've done something wrong, and taking full responsibility for your actions is a very hard, humbling task. However, it is the first step in overcoming the situation and moving on.

it's good that you accepting responsibility, it's humbling. You have admitted that you were wrong,

I'm a non-believer in this but I will support you the best way I can, you young and trust me this is normal Everyone at some point in their lives has screwed up. It's how you react to the situation that matters"
Me: I don't know what to do"
He: yes you do you much smarter than me ...so go ahead and say it"
Me: I need to face mom"
Her: Good girl"
I chuckled and wiped my tears

Her: you need to apologize, to Mom and Mvelo you need them now, indlela ibuzwa kwabaphambili Mbulazi,
I pinch my nose
me: "I hear you "
her: " when you going back home "
me: " sooner than I anticipated, but first I need to go to Ngonyameni village"
her: is your father still there? "
me: '' yah and the strange thing about him is I don't know his reason for visiting, but ever since he came by strange things started happening in my life "
her: like what? "