The Augury

Part 59

[Alex ]

I stepped to what look like coal or is burned grass, it was smokey and there were no signs of any living being in this place, I looked around this place looks like a burned field, I walked around and I felt the urge to turn around as I sensed something, someone behind me I slowly turned and my eyes landed on its eyes I froze popping my eyes open.

It was a big hound that looked like a wolf... but big as a beast, 
with its teeth all out and silver dripping, doing growling sound, it's red eyes looking deep in my eyes, I was horrified, what am I doing here? why am I here why is this beast haunting me, I realized that I'm in a dream when I try to run but my feet got stuck, I try to scream but my voice did not come out, I had these waves in my body that you feel when you fall from a cliff in your dreams that how scared I was.

I swallowed looking at it as it started moving closer to me, I could feel my heart beating out of my chest,  it moved so close I could smell it, the growling sound got louder and louder in my ear, and it did the unthinkable and started sniffing me, I could feel its body heat next to me,   its cold nose touching my skin

" LET ME OUT !!! " It whispered in my ear when I opened my eyes its eyes were glaring straight in my eyes I panicked and I scream.

I rose from my bad screaming
" get away from me!!!....
....get the hell away from me !!!!!
I shoot my eyes open and I realized that I was in my room, I was  panting sweating and my chest was painful,

" what wrong? '' Austin said almost knocking my door down when he was budging in my room, switching the light on 
Him: Alex....whats wrong "
I felt this burning feeling in my skin I held my chest I pulled up my t-shit, I popped my eyes open, and words that  Zii or Zes whatever her name is, rang in my ear
'the devil's mark is growing '

Austin: Alex is it me or is that thing on your chest growing? "
I pulled down my t-shit down
Him: Alex!... you sweating...and a screaming... What happened?"
Me: I had a bad dream...I'm good "
Him: you look like you in pain dude look at you "
I set up straight and frowned
Him: let me see that thing " he tried to lift my t-shirt but I moved his hand away.
Me: I said I'm fine geeze ...butt off !!"
He looked at me with raised eyebrows,

I stood up and made my way to the bathroom I stood by the door and cried, I cannot sustain this, I cannot go on like this, I don't know what to do. I am scared of the future, of staying like this or getting worse because if it does, then how will I end up??

Why did mom have to leave me like this? I have so many questions, I have things happening in my life that I don't know about, only she understood my gift, only she knew how to advise me or tell me how to deal with this shit! I'm scared and I feel lonely ... I love my brother yes!  But it's just not the same with him ...my life is not the same ... I feel like I'm losing my mind, Will I ever adjust to the fact that my mother is gone?

Despite being with her 24/7 while she lay on her death bed I had hoped for a miracle, the pain of losing her remains. Grief, unfortunately, does not follow a defined trajectory.

Here we go again with this bloody emotion that Just appears out of nowhere I know if I cry now it Won’t Go anytime soon, I pull my t-shit over my head and silently cry, this pain and sadness in my heart bore down into me feeling like a corkscrew is poking me right into my very core, and hollows me out.

Every time I think about the death of my mother, it never fails to wind me, Startle me, Stop me in my tracks, And I wonder will I ever, ever, get used to it? As the initial tears of shock dry up, what’s left behind slowly sinks into me, I'm not coping with my mother's death!

This alone makes my life just a little bit heavier than it was before. Will, I ever adjust, I wonder to myself, to the fact that my mother is gone?...to the fact that I'm misunderstood?...to the fact that I'm different and caught up between two worlds? This boils to one thing who am I? Or what am I?.