Mistakes [A SVU Fanfiction]

[19]

"Do you honestly think that Cade would be better off with Elliot?" Rafael asked quickly. He couldn't believe what his girlfriend had said. Rafael knew that Cade was way better off with Olivia compared to Elliot. 

"I fall short all the time, Rafael. I'm not here nearly as often as I want to be... or that I should be. Cade hates me because he can't be friends with his half sister... if I had just given him to Elliot, then at least he would be able to play with Beth whenever he wants. But instead he's stuck with me." Olivia breathed, as she raked her fingers through her hair and tried her hardest to not start sobbing.

"You are an amazing mother, Olivia." Rafael spoke sternly.

"I really don't think I am. At this point, why do you even want to have a baby with me?" Olivia sniffled.

"Because I love you, Olivia! I love you so much and I want to have an amazing baby with you! Please, just-"

"I'm going to go into work... can you make sure that Lucy is here before you leave in the morning?" Olivia sighed.

"Babe-"

"I'm fine. I'll see you later."

///

Alex was at work that night, so she didn't hear anything about the fight, or whatever it was, between Olivia and Rafael. She came home and found that Olivia's car wasn't in the driveway and that Rafael was up and making breakfast for the boys.

"Hey, where's Liv?" Alex asked, as she came into the kitchen.

"She's at work." Rafael sighed, as he flipped another pancake before turning and looking at Alex.

"Oh, they caught a case? Why aren't you there?" Alex asked.

"We got into an argument or something last night. She left and said she's going to work. She hasn't responded to any of my messages, and I was told to stay here until Lucy can come and watch these two." Rafael sighed.

"I hate Mama." Cade grumbled, and Rafael sighed. 

"What?" Alex mused, as she looked between her nephew and her best friend's boyfriend.

"Cade, I thought we made it past that last night. You apologized to her."

"Well, I didn't mean it!" Cade yelled. He climbed off his stool before running off to his room. Rafael rolled his eyes as he looked over at Alex.

"He met Beth." Rafael spoke plainly.

"Beth?"

"Elizabeth Stabler... his half sister."

"Oh." Alex sighed, and Rafael nodded.

"He's angry at Liv for telling him that he couldn't play with Beth anymore. And Olivia is really hating herself lately. She thinks that she is a shitty mother and doesn't understand why I want to have a baby with her." Rafael frowned.

"Do you want to talk to her? I can take care of the boys until Lucy gets here." Alex replied.

"Nah, it's okay. I've got them... or at least Clayton. He is being a sweetheart this morning, especially compared to his brother."

///

Olivia sat at her desk and zoned out on a picture of Cade and Clayton on her desk. She couldn't help but feel like she was ruining her sons. That they would completely hate her by the time they both are in school. Maybe sooner.

"Are you okay?" A voice questioned suddenly beside Olivia. She jumped a bit before turning and eyeing her boyfriend.

"Rafa? What are you doing here?" Olivia sighed softly.

"You were upset when you left last night, and I had to check in on you. So, can we talk?"

"I think that maybe we shouldn't talk for a bit. Go to work." Olivia frowned.

"Are we breaking up or something?" Rafael questioned, which turned the heads of everyone else in the squadroom.

"I don't know, Rafa. I really don't think that you want to be with me."

"Let's go talk in private." Rafael sighed.

"No-"

"Get up. Because I'm not ending out relationship right now. I love you way too much to just walk away. And to add to this all, your kids call me Daddy. I don't want to give that up either."

Olivia quietly stood before following her boyfriend towards an interrogation room. Olivia walked over and sat at the table as her boyfriend shut the door.

"I want to be with you, Liv."

"Why?" She frowned.

"Because you are amazing! I love you so much! I have never been with a woman that makes me want to settle down before. But you make me want to settle down and start a family. A family with you."

"Elliot didn't love me. Cade doesn't love me. You... I still don't understand why you love me. So I think that we should just break up. You can find someone better."

"No, I can't find someone better. You are the best."

"I-"

"Olivia Benson, marry me!" Rafael exclaimed out of nowhere.

"You want to marry me?!"

"I want to be your husband! Fuck, I have had a ring since not long after we started to date!"

"Y-you... this is you proposing?" Olivia whispered.

"I guess. It isn't as amazing as I wanted to plan... but Olivia Benson, will you be my wife?" Rafael asked quickly.

Olivia swallowed hard as she hung her head and started to sob. Rafael watched her for a few moments before moving over and sinking down beside her. He ran his fingers over her back before leaning close and pressing soft kisses to his girlfriend's temple.

"I know that you are going through a lot lately, baby. But one thing you never should have to worry about is the amount of love I have for you. The amount of love I have for Clayton and Cade. You are an amazing mother, girlfriend, and friend. You are my best friend and I'd love to spend the rest of my life as your husband." Rafael breathed softly.

He reached into the pocket of his jacket before pulling out the box he had kept there for months. He opened it slowly before sitting it on the table in front of them. Olivia lifted her head slowly before looking at the beautiful ring in front of her. She swallowed hard as she turned her head and looked at Rafael.

"Are you sure? Because Elliot wasn't too happy when we were together..."

"I have never been more sure about anything in my life."