Your Wattpad Agony Aunt! (On hold)

#33 - No one's ever had a crush on me:/

Hi! I need advice. It won't be long though.

I have never had someone have a crush on me and it makes me really upset. I don't know if anyone likes me or such...but yet no one shows it. How do I know if somebody likes me and why does no one have a crush on me anyways? Will I always be a loner? I know I'm quite young, but it bothers me anyway:/

::

Hello.

I reckon you've come to the right person for this one, mainly because I used to feel the exact same way for a long time. Heck, sometimes I still do, but I realized a couple of things that I'm going to subsequently share with you and hopefully make you feel better.

♣️ Love yourself first, and others will follow
As I said, I completely understand how you feel and for me it felt like a vicious cycle that I couldn't escape: I didn't love myself because no one loved me because I didn't love myself because no one loved me and so on and so forth. I thought that someone loving me first would get me out of this cycle because I'd eventually love me, but that wasn't true. Because when someone came along, I was too immersed in my own insecurities to appreciate the person. So, love yourself first.

I mean you didn't really say that you didn't love you, but you did say it makes you upset and it bothers you a lot and I know that that maybe leads you to having thoughts like "what's wrong with me?" and "why does no one want me?" But once you decide to look in the mirror and see beauty, and find yourself someone worth liking, you'd be surprised at how many people have thought that all along.

I reckon it's because when you love yourself, you're okay with being single and having no one have a crush on you. It's like a massive weight gets lifted off your chest, and you're freer and more light-hearted. And guys will take notice of this, funny enough. It's really interesting because the day I decided to love myself like legit, the next day some guy confessed to me that he'd had a crush on me for ages and then later that same afternoon, some other guy told me that his friend liked me but was too scared to talk to me! I was hella surprised, yea, but maybe when you come out of the world where no one liking you upsets you and you begin to like yourself first, you'll find everyone following suit.

♣ ️Give people a reason to like you
Once in a while I've been asked to play wingwoman for some of my friends (because I'm awesome at it), so they send me to ask their crushes whether they like them and whether they would date them and other stuff like that. Now, sometimes the answers are positive, but other times, I get responses like:
"I would like her, if she wasn't so rude or picky."
"She's cute but she's a bit of a bitch sometimes and she's always so negative."
"I actually would date her if she wasn't pretending so much to be someone she isn't."

I hope you see where I'm going with this. I'm not asking you to be perfect, because no one is, but I'm telling you to be yourself always, be nice to people, encourage your friends, have fun, smile. Maya Angelou once said, "people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." Do you make people feel happy and stuff like that? Or do you make them feel bad? People are attracted to positivity. So, be positive and you'll find yourself getting love like you're a magnet☺️

♣ We can't speak for others
You've asked me, "why does nobody have a crush on me anyways?"
Here's my answer: I don't know.

Like I'm serious. I don't know why no one has a crush on you. But, you don't know that someone doesn't already have a crush on you - because they haven't told you - just think of it like Schrödinger's cat (look it up if you're not familiar with it)!

♣️ You'd be surprised - it's not all that
I used to feel like shit that no guy had asked me out until I saw my friend crying almost every night for a week and my other friend getting hurt by some other dude and then my problems didn't seem so bad.

True story.
♣️️Boys take a while to grow up
You said you're quite young, and I don't know how young to be exact, so I'll assume pre-teen or early teens (like 12-15 maybe). If this is true, then perhaps no one has come forth about liking you because you're all still new and scared and shy to start this teenage thing. Give it time, and they'll grow the balls to tell you that they like you.

♣️ "Comparison is the thief of joy." (Theodore Roosevelt)
Perhaps some cause of your upset is because you compare yourself with your friends, or with movies and books you read about teenagers falling in love right left and centre. Stop comparing yourself to these things.

It may seem as if all your friends have boyfriends or something and you feel like the odd one out, but maybe it's just that you're focusing all your attention to those friends and not your other friends who are just as single as you are. We as humans tend to do that often, focusing on certain things such that we blow it out of proportion or we see it to be a much bigger deal than it actually is.

There will be a time when someone likes you. It will come, I'm more than sure of it. Maybe it's not now though. Maybe it's not today, nor tomorrow, nor next month. But whenever it is, it will come. Just don't compare yourself to other people.

♣️ Refocus your thoughts and attentions
I know that this is easier said than done, but you should begin to change your thoughts. Ask yourself why it bothers you so much. You're still young and you've so much to learn and to explore! Don't bring yourself down because of your thoughts.

♣️ You won't stay alone forever
I promise. You won't.
Everything happens in its own time. Your time will come and go. Like I said, it might not be this very second, but it's going to be there. I will subsequently end with a quote I found on tumblr.

"Stop for just one second.

Think about all the people you've secretly had a crush on. All the people you've found attractive, but never said anything to. Every stranger you've temporarily fallen in love with on public transportation, all the people you've dreamt of and thought of in the early mornings.

And now take a moment to realize that you have been this person for so many people...and you have no idea."

I now deem your statement "I have never had someone have a crush on me" false.

Now, it's up to you to refocus your attention and let it not bother you so much.

Hope I helped! And if any one reading this has any more advice to offer, don't be afraid to comment! 👍🏽

Lots and lots of love,
- genie_us