Your Wattpad Agony Aunt! (On hold)

#64 - Struggling with my sexuality

Hello everybody!

So I'd put this book on hold as I've not been on Wattpad for about the past six months because of school and exams. However, I am now on holiday and so Agony Aunt is back up!!! I still had a ton of questions from before that I hadn't answered and I'm so so sorry if I told you that I would. But now they're super outdated, so I will start anew - so if any of you have problems don't hesitate to message me! However, I may publish some of these aforementioned outdated problems just to re-start the book and also if I feel that it may still be relevant to other people.

So here's one!

Thanks,
~genie_us

::
Dear Agony Aunt,

You see I am struggling with my sexuality...

How does everyone know theirs so easily? I think I know what I am, but I am struggling with how and when to come out. I have acquired some LGBT friends, and while observing them, I have educated myself on the broad spectrum of sexualities. For the longest time, I had a hard time deciding between bisexual and asexual biromantic...since I am usually pretty repulsed by sex, but then again, sometimes it doesn't sound so bad. I felt like there was a slim chance I would ever feel sexual, so I decided on demisexual biromantic. And I already know that I like boys and girls. 

I have no idea how to come out and the stakes are getting high since my family and friends are mostly homophobic and now I have a crush on one of my female friends. And I still haven't asked for therapy. I have come out to my brother and best friends (Not the one I have a crush on) but I told them to keep it secret.

I just have so many questions...like how do you know your sexuality for sure? Or how do you know if you have a crush on someone (Sorry, I pushed away romantic feelings for a long time to focus on schoolwork and now it's all coming back to me) or how do you come out? I was thinking about trying to hold in my feelings until I left the house, but I have school dances coming up and I don't want the girls or boys at school to be too intimidated or unsure to come and ask me! I also have Christian confirmation coming up! Please reply soon, you are the closest thing to therapy I have!

~ Scared

::

Hello!

First of all, I'd like to say that struggling with sexuality and coming out may be a different experience to each and every person. If there's anyone reading this who knows the struggle firsthand (or knows someone who has had it), I would really appreciate your input.

Before I give you my advice I'm just going to say, as I'd mentioned before, that while I support gay rights and the such, I have little experience with issues the LGBT community face mainly because of one reason: I live in Africa. Here, no one talks about it. I have a few friends within the community here and there, but again, it's a topic often (correction: always) swept under the rug. But I will try my very best to give you my advice.

Should we start then?

You asked a fair bit of questions didn't you? I'm going to try and answer each one of them.

How do I know my sexuality for sure?

I would personally say that there is no rush to define your sexuality. You don't need to settle on a particular term to describe who you're into. You like who you like, and you don't owe anyone an explanation for it! It's alright now to know your sexuality for sure, because it doesn't define you as a person. So for now just sort of relax and try not to think about it too much, just go with the flow. Over time, you may begin to find some sort of pattern with regards to whom you're attracted to and perhaps you'll be able to figure out your sexuality. But then again, remember that there is no rush!

How do you know if you have a crush on someone?

Girlllll, imma tell you straight up that when you like someone you know! The most obvious way is how your body reacts when you're around the person. Do you get butterflies in your tummy? Do you fidget a lot, do you get nervous or shy? Does your heart beat escalate? Furthermore, do you find yourself thinking about the person when you're not with them? And when you are with them, do you find your eyes occasionally drifting to their lips? *winky face*

Or perhaps it's just that you genuinely enjoy their company and when I say enjoy, I mean you love spending time with them. And it's not to say that you don't enjoy spending time with other people, it's just that when you're with them you feel an awful lot happier.

Trust me, you just know.

How do you come out? 
Like I'd mentioned before, I think coming out is different from person to person and so I don't really think there's one specific way to 'come out'. I understand that it is a scary process and so I think that you should take your time until you're ready; don't feel pressured to come out immediately. And you already seem to have told some of the people around you like your brother and best friend, and I think that that's a good first step.

I think with regards to the school dances you can go with whomever you want! I do not necessarily think that it has to be romantic in any way - unless that is exactly what you want - you can go with a girl or a boy and you don't need to answer any questions! If someone likes you and they ask you, then say yes, it doesn't matter that much I don't think! I basically went with my friends and we just chilled! There's no pressure for you to "clarify" your sexuality so that you can go with someone. Again, it doesn't define you. If you enjoy hanging out with someone and you want to spend that night with them, then go ahead!!

Just focus on having fun. Remember that your sexuality doesn't define you. And you don't need to define it any time soon. Take your time.

Hope I've helped!

Love,

~genie_us xx