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67 - How do I know that he likes me?

Dear Agony Aunt,

So here is my problem;

So there's this guy I like a lot, he's really nice, but he's sending all these mixed signals. It's really confusing. I've liked him since round the end of term 1, it's the last week of term 2 now. How do I tell if he likes me? I've tried to figure it out, by reading all about this subject, but it's still really confusing.

Please Help!

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Oh boy. The number of times this question has come up in this book!

The thing is, the answer is always the same: you can never know for sure until you ask him.

Of course we hate hearing that, because we'd much rather prefer to read articles which say "if he likes you, he'll lean on when he talks" or "he smiles at you a lot." However, these articles can never be 100% correct, because not every boy is the same. Some may act the way the article says, but they don't really like you - it's just that they have a flirty nature. Some may act completely opposite and then you find out that they do like you. There is no black and white to it.

You say that he sends you 'mixed signals', and I have slight reservations about that. I've mentioned this before in this book, which is that when girls often have a crush on someone, we sort of interpret their actions in favor of ourselves, just to give ourselves hope. For instance, if he happens to be glancing at you, you immediately think "omg my crush looked at me today, he was totally checking me out!" I myself am very guilty of doing this, which has ended really badly on some occasions because I jumped to the conclusion that they liked me when they didn't. That did, in fact, ruin a friendship or two for me. So try not to overthink your interactions with him, because your brain will somehow trick you into believing that he does like you when he doesn't necessarily. So just ask yourself, are these really mixed signals or are they mostly negative (negative as in he doesn't like me), but I am just choosing to see it in favor of myself?

If you can't answer that question yourself, that is completely understandable, and what I do in times like those is that I ask a trusted friend because her (or his) opinion is more objective. If they actually do suspect that he may like you, then perhaps you're justified.

(By the way, never ask his friends unless they're a genuine friend of yours also. Yet another thing I've been guilty of, I usually make myself befriend my crush's friend just to find out whether he likes me, but thing is if he isn't your genuine friend then he had no allegiance to you and so he could just be telling it all to your crush. Just make sure you already trust the person before you ask him about it).

I think when it boils down to it though, just ask him. The worst that can happen is that he says that he doesn't feel the same way. That'll hurt for a while, but then you get over it. And if he does like you, then yay you!!!

The reason I haven't said much is due to the fact that I have covered this topic a number of times, whether directly or indirectly. Refer to chapters #1, #52, and possibly #63.

Don't waste your time reading articles day in day out. Just grow the balls to actually tell him you like him and/or ask him if there feeling is mutual! Like I said in chapter #1, it's scary, but you'll never know if you never try.

Good luck,

- genie_us xx

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