Your Wattpad Agony Aunt! (On hold)

#53 - Feelin' like I'm Third Wheelin'

Dear Agony Aunt,

My best friend and I (I'll call her FA, since I don't want to point any fingers, even if they don't have a Wattpad account) used to do everything together, but now someone new has painted themselves into the picture.
I'll call her FB.

We were never really friends with FB, she wasn't in our tutor group but was in most of our lessons. Anyway, she was moved onto the table where me, FA and a few others sit at the start of the school year. It turns out she has a lot in common with me and FA.

FB then started hanging out with me and FA at break and lunch.Then, it started. I was off school for a few days with a terrible sickness bug a few months back. FA was always coming round to my house to check up on me, but all of a sudden it seemed like all she'd talk about was FB.

Whether it was because she'd done something hilarious in class or because she'd cried through a movie, it was all FB. When I came back into school, it turned out all this talking about FB had turned into hanging out  with her. We DID hang out with her to begin with, but now it's different. I'm being left out in everything, no matter what I say or do.

It turns out they suddenly know all of each other's secrets and hang out together more than either of them hang out with me. It's gotten to the point where I'll be talking to FA, and FB will literally push me out of the way and FA won't give me a second look before going off with FB. (Not to mention the pushes hurt).

I haven't got a clue what happened, and I won't deny I feel jealous. I have other friends, of course, but it's just not the same. They all know what's going on and I've been hanging out with them a lot, but I miss my old friendship with FA.

Please help me out.

~ The Third Wheel

::

Hello x

Being the third wheel sucks. Trust me, I know the feeling. 

Never confront, but incite

So one thing that people often say is that you should talk to the two of them about it. My only issue with this is that they may get pretty defensive about it.

But then again, if they make you regret telling them that you feel left out, then maybe it's a friendship you should completely rethink.

I'm usually conflicted when it comes to confrontation. Other than the fact that they become defensive, I think that if they actually do take it nicely, they'll feign the friendship afterwards, i.e. they'll start involving you again in things out of pity. It's something I wouldn't particularly advise you to do, but then again, it might be an indicator of where your friendship is headed.

What I'd suggest is that you can find a time to talk to FA privately and offer to hang out with her alone. You could say, "You and I haven't been spending much time together recently as much as we used to, and so I wanted to know if you'd want to come over for a sleepover. Just me and you, like old times."

If she asks whether FB can come along, then that should be a sign that your friendship can no longer be how it was. Nevertheless, reply, "I'm not as close to FB as I am to you, so I'd prefer it to be just us." If she doesn't take this well, then maybe it's time to accept that you've lost FA. 

Another thing I used to do was make random comments like "I miss you," out of the blue to the friend I felt had shut me out. She'd obviously be like "what?" But I would say it at random times when all seemed well that she wouldn't give it a second glance. Thing was, I kept dropping that line that she actually began thinking about what I meant when I said that. At some point, she got fed up and she sat me down and asked straight up, "WHY DO YOU KEEP SAYING YOU MISS ME WHEN I'M RIGHT HERE?!" And I actually just told her that she's not been hanging out with me as much. And she apologized and actually said that she missed me too, and she'd thought that I was the one who'd been ditching her. All this came out from my dropping hints, because I was inciting that there was a problem.