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#5 - I don't know if I want to date him!

Hi genie_us,

I need help.

i've recently met this new guy at school and he's a nice person and we have quite an unbelievable amount of things in common, there's nothing to stop me dating him because I think at some point he may ask me out, but I don't want to date him because he really isn't nice looking.

He's not 100% ugly, but he's not fit. I would feel embarrassed if I dated him becayse of what people might think and also I'm a girl geek and he's a geek but I don't want to date a geek.

I want to know what I should say to him if he does ask me out and what I should tell him if he asks me why I don't want to. I couldn't say to him that I was embarrassed by him or that he wasn't very nice looking.

Hope you can help.

::

Hello there!

Before I start, I'll just say that any one who comments on this saying shit like:

"IF YOU LIKE HIM, IT SHOULDN'T MATTER HOW HE LOOKS! IT'S PERSONALITY THAT COUNTS!"

Just go and brush your teeth, please.

Because quite frankly, there's a bit of shit coming out of your mouth.

Okay now, I'm talking to our problem child.

I scanned through your message a couple of times, and there was something I kept looking for. But you didn't say it.

You didn't mention that you liked him.

You said he's nice, that you've "quite an unbelievable amount of things in common", and there's nothing to stop you from dating him.

But you didn't say that you like him!

So here's my question to you.

Do you like him? 

I've laid down a couple of things that I hope might help you make your decision.

1. It's your choice

You need to understand that you're not obliged to say yes. It's not "compulsory". You said that there's nothing to stop you from saying yes, but there's nothing to stop you from saying no either.

It happens all the time, to everybody (being rejected), and if you're just not that into him, IT'S OKAY. IT'S PERFECTLY FINE! No one's judging you just because you rejected a guy. 

You needn't feel forced to date him.

2. You don't need to have an explanation

In life, I've found that in a lot of situations, people feel the need to give an explanation for everything. But here's the sitch: you don't owe anyone an explanation. You don't need to tell him why you said no, because that's none of his business.

I know that you don't want to tell him because your reason may be hurtful to him, but it's something you can't really change.

In the event that he does ask why,what you can just say is:

"I just don't like you that way."

It will hurt, but that's the truth. 

3. Your reasons are your reasons

I know that you may feel a little guilty, because society will make you feel bad for saying you don't like someone partly because of their appearance and/or social standing.