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# 39 - He won't go away!

Ey genie_us!

So I kinda need advice right now. You see, me and my ex-boyfriend recently broke up. After days, my ex-boyfriend keep bugging me that he still loves me - I already cleared out that I don't love him anymore, I just want peace and quiet. I keep avoiding him, but he still comes.

How do I ignore him or how can he just stay out of my life? ><

::

Hey there!

This is somewhat of a difficult one because obsessive exes are a bit of a struggle. I've a few suggestions that will hopefully work. Fingers crossed!

1. Make it extremely clear to him

You have mentioned that you told him that you didn't love him anymore, but you've got to keep reiterating that. Stand your ground, don't fluctuate. Make it clear that you don't want anything anymore.

Also, how did you tell him? A lot of the time, in a bid to be nice, we tend to sugarcoat things which may result in them getting mixed signals. It's better to say, "I don't want to be in a relationship with you anymore." Than, "I will always love you/ I still love you but I can't do it anymore." Do you see what I'm saying? Saying the latter gives a slight ray of hope, so don't try to sugarcoat things...just be as candid as possible.

2. Keep your distance and be purely diplomatic when you interact with him

Continue avoiding him and hopefully he'll finally get the hint. The thing about his persistence is that it may tire you out, but if you are always giving in when he finds you, he'll keep trying.

But, if you do run into him, keep things at a basic level. Don't be too friendly, but don't be completely hostile either. However, I will allow you to play that card of "I need to go, I'm sorry." Hopefully the less you make time for him, he'll get the hint and stop trying.

3. Talk to one of his friends

If you're friends with one or some of his buddies, try and talk to them about him. Ask them to talk to him about you, to tell him that the truth is that you don't want anything anymore. Sometimes people appreciate it coming from their own friends, so maybe he'll listen then.

4. Sit down and have a DMC with him (do this at your own risk!)

Perhaps the reason he's still trying to make his way to you is because he hasn't had any closure. Oftentimes, that's what happens: the ex will keep wondering what happened, why the relationship ended, and as a result will try to find a reason for that. If this is the case, try and organize a meeting time with him where the both of you get ALL of your feelings out.

As awful as this sounds, remember that this is the same person you admired so much before. You both had your good times and all, so don't dismiss that. Just have an honest conversation with him. Don't avoid his questions; just answer them as honestly as you can. If he asks why the relationship ended, tell him the truth. I think he'll be grateful for knowing the reasons why you can't be together anymore and, with such closure, may agree to move on.

The reason I tell you to do this at your own risk, however, is because if he's dead set on you and is unwilling to be sane and mature about it, this probably won't work.

But it's worth a try, I think.

5. Don't aggravate the obsessive ex

While you do all of of this, don't be mean or rude or piss him off or talk about other guys (especially talk about other guys) because it could get worse if you do. He has a lot of energy directed at you right now (in terms of emotions, feeling etc), and so don't piss him off because that energy will still be there but it may turn into anger and other stuff like that (and we don't want that!)

Just try and be accommodative to him while still standing your ground. Don't do things out of pity for him; but also don't do things out of spite.

Yeaaaa.

Good luck with this one, though. It's a toughie, but hopefully he'll get over it! He probably will.

Ayt then!

- genie_us xx