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#30 - How do I tell my parents about him?

Hey!

I've been dating this guy for just over a month now and everything is going great! We both have really strict parents who don't want us dating while in school, so the only time we get to spend together is at school. Do you have any tips on how to keep the relationship going well, and if I do decide to tell my extremely strict parents, how should I?

- Needing Help!

::

Hello x

So I've never been too good with keeping relationship for a long time (sue me) but I don't actually think there's a key to keeping it going well, really. If you're both happy, I assume you'll make the effort to keep the romance going. Just keep talking to each other, making out (lol, my brother's advice), and try to keep things exciting by surprising him once in a while and everything. I reckon that having a relationship with someone will be different every time, and you just have to enjoy being with that person - whichever way it be - and hopefully everything will keep going well. Good luck with that!

Now, for the harder bit: your parents. Tbh I have really strict parents too and I've never told them when I was in a relationship (sue me again), because I'm just not comfortable doing that. Lots of people may probably disagree with me, but you don't have to tell your parents about you and your boyfriend's relationship if you don't have a strong relationship with them, your parents, first.

However, if you do wish to tell them, I've some tips.

1. Dish out hypothetical situations...just to see.

This is what one would call 'testing the waters.' Once in a while, try and throw in questions like:

"Dad, if I had a boyfriend, what would you do?"

"Mum, what age did you start dating? I'm just curious."

These questions will obviously get them wondering why you're asking them, but I think it opens them up to the idea that you're starting to get into that stuff. I think all strict parents have a soft bone because after all, they were once our age and feeling the same things. So just try and ask these questions and see how they'd react.

My brother and I sometimes do that to our parents, but we use each others' names so it's not suspicious on us!

2. Make sure your parents know the boy. And his parents (bonus).

There's nothing worse to parents than hearing that their daughter has a boyfriend...who they've never met, seen or heard of. I'm not a parent myself, but I'm guessing that about fifty kinds of thoughts cross their minds at once - omg, what if he's a predator? What if he's a serial killer in disguise? It's mostly out of worry and concern. As a result, you've to be a step ahead of them and make sure that they've met him before.

What my friend had cleverly done a while ago when she'd a boyfriend was that she introduced him to her Mum along with her other friends - like me, and three other people - while we were at a school car park, so it wasn't suspicious at all (she had not told her Mum they were dating yet). At that point, her Mum had met him, shaken his hand, knew his name, and knew he was a 'friend' of her daughter. So afterwards, it was easy for my friend to tell her: "Mum, remember the boy you'd met the other day? We kind of like each other..."

So she hadn't exactly said they were dating, but she'd given her Mum an idea of what was going on.

Try and get him to meet your parents during school functions: sports games, school concerts and stuff like that. Furthermore, get your parents to meet his parents. For instance, you can tell your parents, "I'd like you to meet my friend." And lead them to where he and his parents are chilling.

Also, try and mention him once in a while. I'm sure you talk to your parents about your friends. So, for instance, if he's participating in an event and is really good (for example if he's the star player on the football team), discreetly mention that to your parents once like,

"There was an awesome football game today, and my friend, *Insert Boyfriend Name Here*, scored three goals! It was insane."

In doing this, you open your parents to the prospect that you have male friends. Also, you're showing off for him when you say he killed the football game or when you say he was the smartest in your class, so hopefully your parents will approve of him as an eligible boy to date you when/if you finally tell them.

4. Take your time

Don't feel pressured into telling you parents now. You've got to make sure that you're comfortable enough to tell them and that they're ready to hear it.

4. Do it together

As cheesy as this sounds, you could simply get your parents and his parents to meet and you and your boyfriend just straight out tell them that you like each other and would like to pursue a relationship in their knowledge.

Reasons I think that's a splendid idea:
- you're involving both sets of parents (killing two birds with one stone!)
- parents are less strict when in front of other parents; it will work both ways
- they will be forced to understand
- they'll be impressed at how maturely you went about it

5. Prove that you're responsible.

That's what your parents want to know. That you're old enough to handle it.

You need to assure them of the things they're worried about. Set a set of rules together - perhaps you can only meet out of school over the weekend. Set a curfew. Tell your parents how he's doing. Invite him over once in a while for dinner. You and your boyfriend need to prove that you're both mature enough to be together, and you have to prove that to your parents as well as his parents; and he also has to prove that to his parents as well as yours. Make sure that your grades and everything else stay on top - possibly work even harder to get them higher - so they can't point a finger at your boyfriend calling him a 'distraction'.

::

I think that when it comes to parents, you've just got to be a step ahead of them. Assure them of their worries before they mention them to you.

Just tell them something like,

"Mum, Dad, there's something that I need to tell you. All I'm asking is that you try to understand because I know you were in this position at some point. I'm growing up and these things happen...I like this boy and he likes me, and we're in a relationship..."

That's how you can start. Just promise them that you'll be responsible about it. Let them in on the loop. Truth is, and I know this sounds untrue; parents are just worried. Not strict. Just scared. So you've gotta tell them that you got dis and hopefully they'll be chilled about it!

Good luck,

- genie_us xx