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#59 - I'm in love with my teacher!

Dear genie,

I think I am deeply in love with my teacher. I'm 13 and he is 22. Is that normal? How can I avoid him? I'm always looking at him, and I can't control myself. Every time I look in his direction, our eyes always meet and I don't know what to feel.

Is that normal? What will I do? I need some tips or advice. He is older than me by 9 years, and I don't know why I'm always thinking about him.

::

Heya,

So if there's anyone in my school who's reading this...lawls.

Like seriously, it's uncanny how I'm going through the exact same thing. I'm in love with my 27-year-old teacher and bruh it's not even funny. Perhaps me giving you advice will help me out too!

Here goes.

1. it's a crush, not 'love';

2. Crushes are normal for everyone;

3. Crushes always pass.

You first need to realize that it's okay, it's normal to have crushes on people, regardless of their age. People often define the term 'crush' wrongly such that they add so much more meaning onto it, but the dictionary defines it as:

"A brief but intense infatuation for someone, especially someone unattainable or inappropriate."

I've put the words 'brief' and 'infatuation' in bold because that's basically my point. You're not 'in love' with your teacher as you think, you just have a crush on him. As soon as you identify it as such, the easier it will be for you to accept and get over him/move onto someone else.

The reasons it is a crush and not love:

- You do not interact with him outside of professional boundaries (if you do, then that's something else altogether).

- You don't know him on the level that you would if, say you were his agemate.

- You're only thirteen. It's your hormones going crazy.

- It takes much longer to fall in love with someone.

There are plenty more reasons why it's not love, but I'm too lazy to venture into them. But I hope you're seeing my point: begin to see it as a mere crush on your teacher, and that considerably minimizes the time you spend over-thinking that it's love.

Crushes do eventually pass on, and that's exactly what's going to happen with you. You'll soon see someone else and for some reason you won't see your teacher that way anymore. It just happens. So don't spend your time over-thinking it, just ignore your 'crush' towards him and move on with life.

4. Did I mention not to over-think things?

Yes, yes, I've said this a couple of times, but I need to say it again. I'm afraid this is an issue that I personally have, such that if my teacher says something to me it will somehow be engrained in my memory and I'll be thinking about those exact words for weeks on end, trying to interpret them, trying to read into them, trying to find a non-existent secret message in them.

Having a crush on someone (let alone your teacher) can drive you mad because you find yourself always, always thinking about them. But, contrary to what you think, you're strong enough to stop thinking about them. Tune your mind to 'change the subject'. What I do is that when I'm thinking about him sometimes I just quickly switch his face to Justin Bieber or some other celebrity crush I have and then just like that, I've forgotten about my teacher.

Don't allow him the power to consume your thoughts. You can do it.

5. Put him in a box called 'Professionalism'

Classify your teacher with all your other teachers. How do you act around other teachers? How do you see other teachers? How do you interact with them, how do you look and talk to them? Assess your behaviour around your other teachers and attempt to transfer it to your other teacher. In this way, you'll begin to see him more as a teacher only and less as a love interest. Of course, you won't be able to get to that stage immediately, but the stricter you are with yourself, the faster it will come.

When you interact with him, e.g. talking or even holding eye contact, do not let your thoughts wander to the world of "he's so beautiful." Keep yourself in reality. Tell yourself "he's just my teacher, he's just my teacher." When you draw that line, it may be easier for you to get over that crush.

6. Don't feed your soul

I love my friends and everything, but some of them like to feed my soul too much. What I mean is, sometimes when I'm talking about my crush on my teacher, they'll somehow encourage it by agreeing, or by saying "yes, he likes you too! You're the only student he talks to," etc. Of course such banter makes me feel nice, (because who doesn't like hearing that their crush likes them back), but as a result I can't get over him because I keep feeding my soul. When he's passing by, I'll stare at him, knowing (or hoping) that he'll come over and talk to me. Again, I'm feeding my own soul, because I'm asking for him to come over.

In other words, if you keep 'feeding' your crush on this guy, it'll simply grow bigger. It's as simple as that. Whereas I'll have friends who'll kill my ego and tell me "Oii, he's your teacher, stop it," and as much as I hate to hear that, it's the truth.

You should focus on starving your crush on your teacher rather than inflating it. Don't stare at him for long periods of time if you think it'll make you feel a certain way. Don't strike heavy banter with him if you feel like it'll make you like him more. Remember, it's not personal; he's simply your teacher and not your friend or classmate or whatever. You can be as professional as you like, and in no way can it be rude.

***

You don't need to avoid him. You just need to control yourself around him, as well as control your feelings towards him. All it takes is some discipline and a little refocusing, and you'll be fine. Don't worry about it. Like I said, crushes come and go.

Also, look up pictures of hot celebs and make those your new crushes.

Also, check out the boys in your school. I'm sure there's some legit eye-candy there.

Hope I helped! You'll also need to wish me luck because I also need to get over my teacher. Oh my.

- genie_us xx