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#66 - Nobody understands me

Hiya,

It feels like nobody understands me. Everybody thinks they know what's going on I'm my head and who I am but nobody does.

I have a disease which makes my joints and bones hurt a lot and occasionally pass out so sometimes I don't do PE. People will ask why aren't you doing PE, I don't blame them for this it is just curiosity. At first I used to say things like I forgot my kit and stuff then people got annoyed. So I just said the truth. Then people will make remarks like "well my feet hurt but you don't see me sitting on the bench doing nothing do you." It just frustrates me and then for some stupid reason people talk blatantly obviously about me.

Then this girl constantly says horrible things about me being my back. I also have glasses and I am in lots of top sets so people automatically peg me up as a nerd. It drives me insane. I also have quite a difficult name to pronounce  so people think it's funny to just take the mick out of it. I get lap top privileges at school due to my problem. People call me names cos of it, it makes me really angry and kinda sad.

Thank you

- From a person who needs your advice.

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Hello. I will start off by saying sorry that you have to go through all of that. It sounds horrible.

Here's what I'd say:

1. Focus on the positive
If there is one thing I've learned in school is that there will always be some shit going on. Whether it's some rumors going round about you or your friends; whether it's someone always trying to piss you off; whether it's a teacher who picks on you constantly...there is so much shit coming from every direction and so I completely understand how shitty it must feel.

The thing is, it is your choice how you let it affect you.

I think that the answer is simple. Don't.

Don't let it get to you that people are making fun of you at PE, or because of you using your laptop. Don't let it get to you that people can't say your name -

Story time!: so basically I too have a name that is difficult to pronounce and so some time earlier this year I got into this nasty, three week brawl with one of my teachers who consistently got my name wrong. It resulted in me being kicked off the hockey team, and all my teammates were mad at me because I wasn't going to apologize to her. In the end I had to, because there was a match coming up and I AM A BADASS FORWARD

(Caragh I know you'll comment on this so fuck off in advance)

Anyway, I think what made me change my mind is that while talking to some people, I came to the realization that I made it my problem when it didn't need to be. Yea the bitch was disrespectful, but I don't care about her and so I shouldn't have let it bother me that much that she couldn't say it right.

I think that you should sort of change your mentality in that you should not even care when people take a dig at you because it's their problem, not yours. If you decide to make it your problem, then you become such a bitter person and you begin to see everything negatively.

Instead, just focus on all the good things that are going on in your life. I'm sure you have friends who love you, a family who loves you, and activities that you love doing.

Stick your middle fingers up to them haters. (Not literally, like in your head). Don't give them the attention they want. Just ignore them and focus on the positive, and you'd be surprised how much easier life will get.

2. Own it.
So you wear glasses. So you're in the top set. So you're apparently a nerd. So what?

Like I said, the only thing that will bother you are the things you let bother you.

So if you let people calling you a nerd bother you, then it will. But if you say "yea I'm a nerd, so what?" then it won't bother you anymore. Because the reality of the situation is that when you accept who you are, nothing that anyone else says can faze you. That's because you know who you are and you're proud of it.

Choose to believe that being a nerd is a good thing.

Because we all know that nerds get the most money at the end of the day anyway.

If anything, they'll be the ones working for you when you're older.

You'll eventually realize that high school doesn't matter. Or, it's just a tiny little thing in the grand scheme of things. All this shit that people say to you or say about you will mean nothing when you get into a top university because you worked bloody hard for it and they were just busy teasing you.

So you just keep doing you, and own it. Own that. Be proud of who you are, regardless.

3. Don't be afraid to be open
A lot of the time, from my experience, I've found that when people say "no one understands me," it is actually due to the fact that they're super reserved.

It's a vicious cycle: you think no one understands you so you become reserved but then no one understands you because you're reserved and so on and so forth.

So I guess I'm just telling you to not be afraid to be open. If someone comes and says hello, smile and say back! If someone is taking the piss out of your name, what if they actually just don't know how to pronounce it? Why not tell them the proper way to say it? Or if people ask why you aren't doing sports, try to just say you have a disease. Don't be afraid to actually go out of your way to be nice.

Be happy, be free, be open: just let all your anger go. Decide to find friends who care about you. Try not to always think that no one understands you, because there will always be someone who does. And even though you don't find that person now, don't let that put you off. Be friendly.

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You see, it boils down to perspective. How you choose to see the world and those around you really affects what you make of certain situations. So just try to be positive and see things positively and like I said, you'd be surprised how different things may seem. Of course, there will be those horrible people still, but don't let them bother you. Don't be that angry person who can't take a joke. Be secure in yourself, and when you are you can even laugh at the jokes that people make about you. Because you don't care. They don't matter! It's like that saying - "those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter."

Just be yourself and be proud of that, and stick with people who are proud of that too.

Hope this helped!

Love,
-genie_us xx

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