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#63 - I like him, but we're friends...

Hello,

So I've had a crush on this guy for quite some time now. He was introduced through my best friend (not with romantic intentions though). She and some of my other close friends grew up with him but aren't being much help. I like him quite a lot but this is my first serious (more than a week or two) crush. But I also love hanging out with him and chatting.

I am scared that if I tell him I like him it will ruin our friendship. I'm pretty sure that he doesn't like me back but I really like him. I want to tell him but I also want to continue our friendship because I think we could be close one day.

What do I do?

- Need A Straight Answer

::

Dear Need A Straight Answer,

Can I just begin by saying that, there can never be a straight answer when it comes to the whole I-like-this-person-but-I-don't-wanna-risk-our-friendship situation? I know that's the last thing you want to hear, but the truth is that it's an extremely tricky situation to be in. I've been in it countless times, and I literally always opt to tell them (thus risking the friendship). Sometimes it does ruin the friendship, which sucks but I get over it; but sometimes it doesn't change a thing and, I still get over it.

The one time I actually decided to keep it a secret, I found out months later that he'd actually also liked me. Fml.

So why is it never a straight answer?

That's because everyone's situation is so different, and people react so differently. On your part, it all comes down to weighing out the options and deciding whether it's a risk worth taking or not. So instead of giving you a straight answer (I will give you a few ideas at the end though), I'll list down a bunch of questions that can help you make your decision:

1. Do you know him well enough to know how he'll react if you tell him? If so, how do you think he'll react? Will his reaction be worth it?

2. You say you know he doesn't like you back. So what do you think you'll achieve if you come clean and tell him you like him? Rather, what exactly are you trying to achieve from telling him?

3. Would you rather tell him now while your friendship is still infantile, or would you rather hold back your feelings and wait for the friendship to grow into something closer (as you think will happen)? Remember, the latter will definitely come at a greater cost if you're feelings don't go away then – what I mean is, if you decide to not tell him but instead pursue your friendship to the point of closeness, you may end up falling for him deeper, which also means you have much more to lose.

4. Are you the type of person who gets extremely anxious not knowing whether your crush likes you or not? Will it bother you if you keep it in for so long? Or are you really good at suppressing it? (I doubt anyone is tbh).

As I'd mentioned, I've been through each of the three possible outcomes before:

Risking the friendship by telling him, and the friendship ends as a result

If I had a penny for the times that this has happened to me...I'd probably have like, ten, lol. I'm serious. Some people just don't know how to handle such information for one reason or other, and completely end the friendship. I've done that to one or two guys, and I do feel really bad for it, but for me – and possibly for those other guys who did it to me – it was just a situation I didn't know how to handle, and everything just got really awkward.