Man - y.kh

fifty-nine.

"I want him to know," Hyungwon said, looking between me, Minhyuk, and his mom. "Kihyun can be there, or Minhyuk? I want him to know what he's done to me. Jooheon's right. He doesn't know." All of this was coming suddenly. I felt like Hyungwon was moving too fast again.

He wanted to spend a night with Wonho. It wasn't going to be fun and games or anything enjoyable. He was potentially putting himself in a situation that triggered him into his destructive state. All I could see from this was Hyungwon being incapacitated for an entire evening, followed by him choking me out in his sleep or punching at me. Again, he was moving far too fast. "Hyungwon," Minhyuk sighed, "I don't think you're ready for that, I mean... You just got to a place where you could exchange at least a couple of words."

Hyungwon felt strongly about this one. "Hey," he snapped. "I really don't care to hear your opinion when you're part of the reason I'm like this. I've gotten to a place where I can exchange a couple of conversations with you and I still haven't gotten over what you did or forgiven you completely. You taught me how to feel guilty. I learned how to turn off my own interest in actual consent for you. And just when I thought I put it to rest, he brought it right back up, because that fucker knew. He knew everything. So, fuck you and your opinion!" I shushed him, grabbing his hand.

"Come here, love." I mumbled, pulling him into my arms. I glanced up at Minhyuk while shaking my head. After a few seconds, I mouthed to him, "We're supposed to let him have what he wants, remember?" Minhyuk rolled his eyes softly.

Ms. Lee spoke up. "Hyungwon, sweetie... I don't know how you want to do this but I don't think you should yet. I really don't. But if this is what you want?"

Hyungwon sighed softly, pulling out of my chest. "He can come over? That way everyone's watching him and watching me." His mom nodded as Minhyuk sighed softly. "Fucking what, dude?" Hyungwon asked.

"You're moving too fucking fast, that's what." Minhyuk felt just as strongly about this with his own opinion. "Three weeks ago, you tried to have sex and you blacked out. You choked him! You are not ready. It's only been about four months since everything? You're pushing too much, too hard, and too fast." Hyungwon shook his head.

When he didn't respond, I scoffed, picking him up as best as I could. "Learn when to shut the fuck up, Minhyuk." I took him upstairs to his room, hoping to calm him down by removing him from the situation. "Hey," I mumbled. "Babe, can you hear me?" Hyungwon shook his head slowly at first before gaining speed. "Hey, hey..."

He began crying as he thrashed around. "Stop... stop! Stop it!" I let go of him after laying him down. "Don't touch me, don't touch me! I'm done!" I didn't know who he thought I was at this point. As I backed away, I heard Minhyuk come up the stairs.

I turned to look at him in the hallway, shaking my head to deter him from coming in. "Hyungwon? It's Kihyun. You know who I am? It's Kihyun." It wasn't registering.

"No, no! I'm done! Don't touch me... I can't do this!" He screamed, starting to work himself into hyperventilation. "You tell and I'm going to be out on my ass. Don't fucking say anything. Please, just stop." I snapped my head around to glare at Minhyuk. We could both tell who and what he's talking about.

After a little while, he passed out. It was 10 in the morning and he'd already had one breakdown. "Why are you suddenly setting him back, Minhyuk?" I questioned as I closed the door to Hyungwon's room. "He has all the power. He needs to have all the power. You took part of his power when he was younger and so he grew up, needing power over anything else. Why do you think he was part of a gang? So he could have power. Then Wonho took the rest of it. He needs the power to make choices and we need to honor that."

Minhyuk rolled his eyes. "Kihyun, shut the fuck up." He snapped. Wow, he really wanted to pick a fight here?

"Make me, you fucking pussy!" I snapped right back, pushing him into the wall. "Why the fuck are you acting like this?"