Man - y.kh

thirty-four.

The next morning, I was determined to stay out of Wonho's way. Even as we reached for the milk carton, all it took was for him to glare at me for me to retract my hand and eat my cereal dry. "Alright Dad, I'm off to school." He said, grabbing his bag.

"Great," Jae-sung smiled. "Can you take Kihyun with you?" He asked.

I looked up to lock eyes with Wonho. "Uhm, no sir." I smiled. "I'm working on my GED, I'm okay." Wonho rolled his eyes, starting to walk away. As he walked outside, I decided to catch up with him. "Wonho."

He sighed, turning around. "What?" He asked abrasively.

"Please don't tell anyone you know where I am. Don't tell anyone about me." Wonho chuckled, rolling his eyes as he walked away from me. "Hey! You felt me up last night, the least you could fucking do is listen to me!"

He quickly turned to shush me. "Alright, shut your fucking mouth." His look was an intimidating one, laced with terror.

"Why," I smirked. "The one person who gave you a chance will be so very disappointed in you?"

Wonho's eyes held a clapback. And I was ready for anything he had at this point. "Why don't you talk to you boyfriend about how excited you were to not be pregnant? I've got to go to school." He started to get in his car, throwing his bag in the front seat.

I almost froze. But I couldn't back down now. "He still talks to you? A rapist? Wow, I'll talk to him about how soft he's gotten." I was getting to him and he let it show.

"Never call me that ever again, you bitch." He slammed his car door, turning the engine over. He rolled down the window as well. "And I never saw you, just like my dad doesn't know about what happened. Right?" I guess that was fair. I just shrugged and went in the house.

I sighed softly, shutting the front door. "I can only
imagine the questions you have," Jae-sung sighed, taking a seat on the sofa.

I nodded, sitting in a chair adjacent to the couch. "What happened?" I asked. "Why'd my mother leave?"

Jae-sung sighed. "I never beat her or anything. I loved that woman so much that I let her take little bits and pieces of me. I gave her everything, afraid she'd leave me if I didn't. I gave her my heart, I gave her you, I gave her a house and I provided for her. But she needed help. And it was something I couldn't give to her." I could hear the genuine sadness in his voice.

"What was her breaking point?" I asked. And tears spring to my eyes. "It's so hard to call you Dad, because I know you are my father. That heartbeat? You don't forget that. And last night, I felt nothing but peace and serenity... something I haven't felt in so fucking long." I began messing with my pants. "I hurt every fucking day, for a woman who didn't give a single fuck about me! So I want to know what the fuck made her so goddamn cold to me? What I did to deserve the shit she did to me." I tried to pull myself together. I was on this mission for truth, I owed it to myself to listen it through.

He sat up, setting his morning cup of joe down on the table in front of him. "Your mother was a very depressed... manic individual. Her depression always came out as anger and rage. And she always painted me as this awful man. I did nothing but love her, and I'm sure without her side, you can't be sure of that. Because everyone needs to be well informed to make their own decisions. But I treated her right. But she swore up and down, left and right that I ruined her. Made her dependent on me, made her love me. And one day, she tried to take her life to get away from me. And she promised she wasn't depressed, she just wanted away from me. But we'd been separated for a while. Actually, you had been born and she wanted me gone. She never breastfed you and you weren't bonding well with her. She thought I was taking you away from her. But she needed help with raising a child, obviously. Her mother was dying as well, there was a lot going on. And I got a call from Hyeja, you know her. She told me, "Jae-sung, you need to come get your baby. Kyuri, she's gone mad." And there was no doubt, I was coming for you. When I showed up, she was screaming to everyone around her how much she hated them and how she wanted to die. Her brother had called the police and they were also there. When she saw me, your mother stormed me, screaming at me. She threw her fists at me and I had to catch them, holding her tightly. I tried to keep her from kicking me and hurting me as well. She was going crazy and we never understood why. But after I handed her over to a police officer so she could be talked to, I took you from another police officer. That broke my heart. You were in distress because a stranger was holding you and it was loud. And when I held you, for the first time in weeks? Silence. You fell asleep in my arms, listening to my heartbeat."